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To feel that Mumsnet scared me unnecessarily about meeting a new baby?!

(52 Posts)
LisaSimpsonsbff Sun 29-Oct-17 14:16:37

Lighthearted, mostly!

My brother's baby was born earlier this week. I have very few friends who have yet had children, and we are currently trying and failing to have our own first. I had carefully read many, many Mumsnet posts about visiting parents of new babies, however, so I knew that it was a fraught, even dangerous business... I prepared myself for not being allowed to visit for weeks, for being considered deeply, deeply selfish if I wanted to hold the baby, and that I should be expecting to turn up and do a deep clean of the house. Imagine my surprise when a) my brother told me to come round as soon as I wanted and seemed genuinely pleased when I said I'd be round in a couple of days b) my offer to make the tea while they both sat down was rejected c) they were hugely grateful when I did a quick spot of washing-up but told me to absolutely do no more d) they encouraged me to hold the baby for as long as I wanted. No one was at all insensitive about our own fertility issues: they both made no secret of their own happiness, but managed to refrain from going on about how they 'now knew true love', etc. It was almost like everyone involved was nice...

So, while I am very happy (and completely besotted with my new nephew), AIBU to feel slightly cheated of my AIBU-worthy story?! I actually think they thought I was being completely daft because I kept asking so many times whether things were ok ('are you sure it's ok for me to keep holding him?' 'can I show this photo to other people?' 'would it be ok if I came back again soon?') - but mumsnet really had me convinced that I was somehow going to do this being an aunt thing all wrong!

gamerchick Sun 29-Oct-17 14:21:06

RL dilutes the crazy man OP. It’s all clumped together on here grin

RainyApril Sun 29-Oct-17 14:22:19

You sound so lovely, considerate and kind. I think you'll be a brilliant aunt and they're all lucky to have you.

TSSDNCOP Sun 29-Oct-17 14:23:25

Bastards. Hasn't your SIL even posted a snarky comment about your choice of gift and lack of casserole?

Aeroflotgirl Sun 29-Oct-17 14:23:27

I agree, if you never had a child and read some of these threads, it can be a bit daunting.i am glad all was well, and you enjoyed meeting your new nephew😀

LisaSimpsonsbff Sun 29-Oct-17 14:23:29

Haha, I know you're right! I just really, genuinely wondered if I'd get a shock and my chilled, lovely SIL would be transformed/ it would turn out that I've always been a terrible, selfish sister... Thankfully not, on both fronts!

KarateKitten Sun 29-Oct-17 14:24:33

OP, your experience is how it normally is in functioning families.

PandorasXbox Sun 29-Oct-17 14:26:16

Thankfully OP MN does not represent real life in so many areas that are discussed.

Orangebird69 Sun 29-Oct-17 14:28:54

That's lovely OP. My dbro and I were the same. I was holding back on visiting when his dd arrived but he rang me asking me to come round. I was adamant when I had ds that I didn't want any visitors for the first few days but he rang me so excited and asked if he could come round - he arrived at my house about 10 mins after we got home from hospital. And I couldn't have been happier. smile

derxa Sun 29-Oct-17 14:29:42

Ah Op I'm glad too hear it. However you're not an old lady with gnarled fingers touching the baby, or a MIL or a smoker (I presume). None of the afore mentioned should ever go near a baby.

derxa Sun 29-Oct-17 14:30:29

*to hear it FFS

holdthewine Sun 29-Oct-17 14:35:23

I think it’s great that you come from a close communicating family. I had similar worries (long before MN or t’internet!) that I wouldn’t bond with my baby or that this or that might happen and they didn’t. Better we are aware of how some people react though and let’s be happy that all is well. Good luck with TTC!

brasty Sun 29-Oct-17 14:42:55

Glad for you. A lot of MN is nothing like my experiences in life.

OlennasWimple Sun 29-Oct-17 14:43:15

This is how it's been with all the babies I have known (both families and friends). MN is very far from my RL on many things!

Congratulations on becoming an aunty!

EssentialHummus Sun 29-Oct-17 14:48:48

Good for you OP, you all sound great!

FWIW, MN drilled into me to always show up with a meal in these situations, and it's not gone wrong yet. Every time DH walks into the kitchen to see me making macaroni cheese he asks who's had a baby.

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 29-Oct-17 14:52:57

I've never known any rl mums who shun visitors for weeks or don't want anyone to have a cuddle with their new baby. Dads are usually home to do the supporting role and make cuppas/cook tea/do the cleaning whilst mum recovers.

coffeekittens Sun 29-Oct-17 14:53:48

I swear 99% of MN stories are made up or embellished for better reading.

Pleased that you had a lovely time visiting your newborn Nephew smile

Viviennemary Sun 29-Oct-17 14:55:15

That sounds the absolute norm to me when a family welcomes a new baby. Can't believe this precious stuff about newborns on MN. Never come across relatives being told not to visit in real life.

Butteredparsn1ps Sun 29-Oct-17 15:05:47

Lovely OP. I hope you are successful in TTC flowers

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies Sun 29-Oct-17 15:15:08

OP, your SIL is being passive-aggressive. And she probably has narcissistic tendencies. She's lulling you into a false sense of security - while secretly writing about your visit on mumsnet (have you checked out all the AIBUs since you visited?).

It sounds a lovely visit.

TwitterQueen1 Sun 29-Oct-17 15:21:46

Gosh I'm so pleased OP! You are definitely not BU. So many threads on here lately about awful relatives presuming to want to visit newborns, people daring to even so much as question cosleeping for years on end, Facebook 'he said/she said' crap, 'the trust has gone forever because DM gave my DC a piece of bacon quiche',...... I question the rigidity and judginess of a lot of posters. So reassuring to hear something normal.

EnthusiasticEdna Sun 29-Oct-17 15:28:30

It usually depends very much on the visitor! You sound lovely op.

LisaSimpsonsbff Sun 29-Oct-17 15:47:19

OP, your SIL is being passive-aggressive. And she probably has narcissistic tendencies. She's lulling you into a false sense of security - while secretly writing about your visit on mumsnet (have you checked out all the AIBUs since you visited?).

OMG, you're so right. I can't find a relevant AIBU but I've had an even more terrible thought. What if she's on.... netmums?! shock

LisaSimpsonsbff Sun 29-Oct-17 15:50:47

However you're not an old lady with gnarled fingers touching the baby, or a MIL or a smoker (I presume). None of the afore mentioned should ever go near a baby.

Well, that's the most shocking thing of all. My SIL even seems to like and appreciate that my parents - yes, that's right, her in-laws - are very keen on their grandchild and want to visit and be involved. That's when I truly knew that something strange was afoot.

Llanali Sun 29-Oct-17 15:51:01

If she’s on netmums you’ll be fine Hun, she will get plenty of sympathy and you won’t even get a mention, the hugs and vibes will all go in her direction, my lovely. Chill Hun, we are all behind you.

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