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help needed on fair financial settlement, is this fair?

(40 Posts)
Confusedmummy2017 Sun 29-Oct-17 11:09:47

I really hope someone replies as i desperately need to sort this out!

So form e under way voluntarily, ex earns £56000 i earn £20000, i work part time. Have 3 kids (1 together, 1 of mine has a disability, can't increase hours at work due to care of kids)

He has savings not sure of the actual amount yet. His pension worth £47000, mine worth £20000.

I have debts total £16000, due to him being financially abusive and me ending up using credit in my name only throughout the marriage, on pertol, food, christmas, birthdays, car maintenance, etc.

He has said a 60/40 split of equity in house with nothing else 60 to me, equity in house around £110000.

My proposed proposal to him that i would love some views on;

1, 70/30 split in my favour, owing him £33000, when our son leaves fulltime education.

2, child maintenance would be around £300 on his salary, but having worked out my income and outgoings my shortfall is a total £450. I was going to ask for a total of £450 child maintenance/spousal maintenance per month for a duration of the next 7 years until our son reaches 13 so i could then increase my working hours. Then the spousal maintenance would stop and just become child maintenance.

3, I will not ask for any of his savings or pension.

4, He has a decent car he brought new a few years ago and i have an old zafira which has done 14000 miles so wont last much longer.

We have already agreed i will remain in the house and take over the mortgage which i have in principle already, i have also requested to take more out on the mortgage of £15000 to pay off the debt and am uncertain if i should request a greater percentage of the equity to cover this?

I would really appreciate any views negative or positive to help me with this. I will have to self represent in court should it come to this as i cannot afford a solicitor, his parents have already offered to pay however many of thousands he will need for court!


HaudYerWheeshtBawbag Sun 29-Oct-17 11:12:56

Why not 50/50 ?

Squirmy65ghyg Sun 29-Oct-17 11:14:00

I'd post in legal.

grasspigeons Sun 29-Oct-17 11:15:27

I don't think you can owe him a set figure when your child leaves education as normally he could invest it in some way. It would have be a share

lionsleepstonight Sun 29-Oct-17 11:17:42

What is house worth?
What maintenance do you already get from 2 kids dad?
Debt should be settled jointly as part of all this.

Andrewofgg Sun 29-Oct-17 11:22:17

Unless his solicitor is incompetent it will have to be a share so that (1) you both take your chance on the future of house prices (2) you have an incentive to make the house look presentable.

If I was his solicitor there would be clauses that if you miss a payment on the mortgage the lender is to tell him and that if you miss two in succession that will trigger a sale - ad of course would your death or remarriage or forming LTR or ceasing to live in the house.

lionsleepstonight Sun 29-Oct-17 11:28:04

But why not have a clean break?
Share debts
Sell house, buy one in sole name
Take cms maintenance amount
You'll get child maintenance
Maintenance from other 2
Potentially tax credits

How old are other 2 kids?

lionsleepstonight Sun 29-Oct-17 11:29:57

Last thing from me, but is Spousal maintenance actually a thing anymore?

StripeyDeckchair Sun 29-Oct-17 11:31:57

What outside impartial advice have you had?

Make sure you get some and don't just go on what the stbex suggests - he'll always suggest the min he thinks he can get away with irrespective of the law etc, he's only interested in himself and his future.

underneaththeash Sun 29-Oct-17 11:48:18

Of course spousal maintenance is a thing, why on earth wouldn't the OP claim it especially when she's worked part-time to look after a disabled child (with a husband who's been financially abusive)..
OP I would put everything into a large pot - house, savings, pension, value of cars, the take off the amount of the loan (it's counted as his loan too), divide it by 2 and see what you get. You may find that it's about the same value as the house, if need to give him the percentage value when it sells, rather than a fixed sum, or you could ask your parents for that amount rather than for the court fees.
Then ask for the child maintenance and spousal maintenance of £450.

Andrewofgg Sun 29-Oct-17 11:48:38

Lion A Mesher order is a clean break - technically a deferred clean break. It has the effect of any clean break. If the OP’s ex remarried a woman of means who then died and left him her house - and that’s what happened to a client of mine - there would still have to be sale at the time specified.

notapizzaeater Sun 29-Oct-17 12:00:28

Have you taken legal advice ?

If he was financially abusive in the relationship he won’t be looking out for you !

lionsleepstonight Sun 29-Oct-17 12:02:38

I guess the bit I don't get is the need for part time for the disabled child is the child from another man. So shouldn't he be the one paying. Not the current DH.
This is not to be goady. Genuinely curious.

dertyyuoih2 Sun 29-Oct-17 12:09:00

Hmmm unless you were together and married for years and years I doubt spousal maintenance would be granted to be honest.

This is an extract from the
Money advice service

“If the marriage or civil partnership is short (typically, less than five years), it might not be paid at all or only for a short period through what’s called a ‘term order’.

But where a couple has been together for a long time, or where an ex-partner is unable to work, it can be paid for life.”

The debts should be split if they are from the marriage / relationship.

What benefits do you claim already?
Have you got a mortgage already in principle? How can you have this if
There is a shortfall between you income and outgoings?(questions a court will ask)

Confusedmummy2017 Sun 29-Oct-17 12:44:20

I thought it would be a percentage of what the house is worth now which at 30% that's what I'd owe him. But new to all this so not sure if that's right as I'd be taking on the mortgage payments in my name from now. Hope that makes sense

Confusedmummy2017 Sun 29-Oct-17 12:47:02

I left my older 2 dad 13 yrs ago he was violent so we totally moved away. He has not seem them they were 2 yrs and the other one 2 wks old at the time. He is in prison and has never paid maintenance. My older 2 are 14 & 16 literally just yesterday!

Confusedmummy2017 Sun 29-Oct-17 12:57:08

The part time working is due mainly to our 7 yr old and needed in to look after him. I left my home town when I left my daughters dad yrs ago so have no local support. I work for the NHS shift work and have requested & been granted flexible working to help me fit it in around the kids. My eldest has many ongoing issues a disability as well as mental health issues added to by my soon to be ex husband and needs lots of support. Our son tog hates my husband as he has been a moody man for so long it's impacted on all his relationship he just won't get the help he needs. My soon ex doesn't even talk to our son let alone the other kids it's been this way since I ended it I'm March and has got worse. So I can't increase my hrs with no help to care for my kids until they are older.I've seen 3 solicitors for free 30 mins but at the beginning was mainly about divorce etc. If we sold I wouldn't be able to by anywhere near as house prices are around 260000 this is what ours is now worth, we owe 116000 on the mortgage and I can only get a mortgage for 120000. I really appreciate all your advice. We been married 6 & a half years.

Witsender Sun 29-Oct-17 13:02:45

This ex isn't responsible for choices you made relating to a disabled child you had with another man, nor for ongoing costs relating to him...his father is.

You have one child together so maintenance will be based on that, and as he is 7 presumably it would be expected that you return to work?

Confusedmummy2017 Sun 29-Oct-17 13:15:59

Yes I know about my other children and yes I have never stopped working I just can't increase my working hours due to caring for our 7 yr old. My soon ex can't care for him, he doesn't even talk to him, he works all day so can't pick him up from school etc so my working hrs for around our 7 yr old and the before and after school club. I went bk to work when he was 7 months old so have always stayed in work.

Confusedmummy2017 Sun 29-Oct-17 13:16:54

I just need the advice around the figures I was saying above & any other suggestions anybody would have that might help. I am fully aware that he is not responsible for my other 2 children.

Badhairday1001 Sun 29-Oct-17 13:17:59

If you can, definitely pay for an appointment with a solicitor, even if it's just a one off. You will know then what is reasonable to expect and have a basis for any negotiations. It is more complicated because you are working part time due to your older son who isn't your ex's.

Badhairday1001 Sun 29-Oct-17 13:19:22

Sorry crossed post. I've just read that you are part time because of your child together.

Osolea Sun 29-Oct-17 13:28:49

Personally, I don't think it's fair to expect spousal maintenance, especially if you get the house. Nor is your ex responsible for your debt. Your outgoings are only relevant to a certain degree, you are 100% responsible for providing for yourself and your older children so you can't expect maintenance to reflect what you need to spend to maintain a house big enough for three children when he's only responsible for one. You say your youngest doesn't have a good relationship with his Dad, but either way, your ex has a responsibility to provide a home for his son too, and that will cost money.

Your ex should definitely be responsible for 50% of childcare fees, and any other expenses directly related to the son you have together. It would probably be better to work out how much that costs, and then base what you're asking for on that.

How much equity in the house you ask for depends on what you both brought into the marriage in the first place.

confusedlittleone Sun 29-Oct-17 13:40:39

Is the £450 to cover stuff for your children to other dads as well?

nameusername Sun 29-Oct-17 13:42:20

I have debts total £16000, due to him being financially abusive and me ending up using credit in my name only throughout the marriage, on pertol, food, christmas, birthdays, car maintenance, etc.

I would seek an independent solicitors opinion on the best deal that you can get for the child you both have including spousal maintenance for yourself.

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