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Was this student’’s mother BU?

(21 Posts)
LenaLoveWitch Sun 29-Oct-17 09:50:17

DD recently started uni and is sharing a house with 7 girls. Before they moved in they discussed locks on doors with the rental agent who said they could only use the landlord’s locksmith at a cost of £120. Only one girl did it due to the cost.

DD told me last weekend that one girl wasn’t settling - was refusing all offers to socialise and on phone constantly to mum, boyfriend and Nan. I encouraged her to be nice and keep asking her out.

This week 7 members of the girl’s family turned up at the house and put a lock on the door. DD texted and politely asked if the girl would cover any deductions from the rental deposit as a result of the unauthorised lock.

The girl’s mother then stormed into DD’s room and shouted at her accusing her of excluding and bullying the girl - eg she said it was selfish my DD (who has a car) didn’t drive the girl to Asda to go shopping when DD didn’t need/want to go (WTAF!!). Mother then shouted at all the girls in the house similarly. DD is adamant noone has excluded the girl. She says she’s very child like - eg the constant phoning home, bedroom full of teddies, obsessed with Disney and her nan is her ‘best friend’. I’m sad for the girl who sounds as though she’s not ready to live independently but surely this is rude and inappropriate behaviour.

ButchyRestingFace Sun 29-Oct-17 09:53:13

Sounds like she's told her mum a load of bollocks. Nice that's she so close to her nan though.

It doesn't sound like she's ready to live independently. How does your daughter know this girl?

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sun 29-Oct-17 09:53:25

Aw the poor girl! And your poor DD. The family sound suffocating.

Your DD needs to tell the agents what’s happened otherwise everyone else is gonna be stung come deposit return time.

I suspect the Disney girl won’t be there much longer

bigbluebus Sun 29-Oct-17 09:56:57

I'd be worrying about the bigger issue of the rent being covered when this girl drops out at Christmas tbh! Have you all signed guarantees that cover the whole rent of just your DDs share?

bigbluebus Sun 29-Oct-17 09:57:33

Or not of

mumonashoestring Sun 29-Oct-17 09:57:52

Totally unreasonable, but it happens. When I moved in to halls in my first year another lad who was moving in was being 'managed' to within an inch of his life by his mother, who also tried to rearrange the communal kitchen and even poke into other bedrooms and tell the rest of us how to unpack, where to put our things etc. She was quite put out when we all locked our rooms and went to the bar...

I would advise your DD to carry on being kind to this girl but explain again to her when things are a bit calmer that the landlord will see the lock her parents fitted as damage and will deduct money from deposits which is unfair on her housemates. Oh, and that if her parents can't be polite to the rest of the household then she (housemate) will struggle to find people who are happy to live with her in the future. She'll need some support and help to grow up a bit but it's definitely time it happened.

Sparklingbrook Sun 29-Oct-17 09:58:21

Blimey that's awful.

Did all 7 girls know each other before they started sharing a house? I always thought houses were for the second year, Halls in the first for a gentle transition.

Sounds like Halls would be better for this girl. Is that an option? But then would your DD have to find another person to rent a room in the house?

SandyDenny Sun 29-Oct-17 10:02:11

I agree with contacting the landlord and making it clear that the other 6 girls have nothing to do with the lock and suggests she/he speaks to the girl's parents straightaway to sort something out.

I too think she'll be gone by the end of term

moomoo222 Sun 29-Oct-17 10:04:39

Seeing as the parents are already being arseholes and the girl has taken against your daughter I would say it is worth getting in touch with the LL & letting them know what has happened and you would like to clarify, preferably in writing that the deduction for damage will come directly from her part of the deposit.

I lost a deposit at that age due to the stupidity of housemates - nearly 30 years later it still really annoys me (especially as I had saved up myself by working at a supermarket at the weekends, it took a long time to save that much again!)

kuniloofdooksa Sun 29-Oct-17 10:06:54

sparklingbrook many universities now don't have enough halls of residence places for the number of first years so some first years are on the private market from the get-go. The uni accommodation office may help group some first years into viable groups and may have a list of approved properties that they know are suitable but won't get involved in the actual landlord-tenant relationship.

Notanumberuser Sun 29-Oct-17 10:08:39

They need to go to student support services and get them to help them contact the landlord if they aren’t confident to do so themselves. Or to their students union. Good luck.

Sparklingbrook Sun 29-Oct-17 10:10:00

That's awful kuniloofdooksa, I can imagine sharing a house with 6 strangers would be quite stressful for anyone. Living away from home for the first time and trying to get to grips with the course etc.

My DS is looking at sharing next year for year 2.

kalinkafoxtrot45 Sun 29-Oct-17 10:10:04

Sounds like this young woman's overbearing mother has ruined her. But that shouldn't have to be your DD's problem. Get it in writing that the damage from the lock will be deducted from Disney's deposit, and go over some strategies for your DD to use should this appalling woman reappear. Barging into your DD's room and yelling at her - totally not on. Who does she think she is?

LenaLoveWitch Sun 29-Oct-17 10:11:38

There was no space in halls- my DD met 4 of them at a uni property matching event and the others including this girl were recruited through an on line uni housing forum. Girls have individual guarantors so hopefully rent will be okay if she moves out but maybe not the deposit. Will suggest they talk to the LL

Warhammerwidow89 Sun 29-Oct-17 10:12:14

Tell your DD that she needs to notify the landlord of the unauthorised lock now.
I'd also remind the mother of the girl that she needs to remember she is in another persons home.

As for the girl, some people like teddies and Disney doesn't mean there child like. Sounds like the girl hasn't been allowed to grow up. I feel for her and your DD

Whinesalot Sun 29-Oct-17 10:18:15

Poor dd. As far as the girl goes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Contact the ll and cross your fingers.

GoulishGoblinPumpkinSnatcher Sun 29-Oct-17 10:23:19

Defo needs to inform the landlord about the lock. He can charge the others for it when it's not fair, it was Disney girl. As for her parents, well they should know better. You can't just put locks on doors in someone else's house without getting permission. This lock smith will probably be mentioned in the contract somewhere too. The girls really don't want to be breaching any tenancy agreement. Disney's parents really need to stop wrapping her in cotton wool. She sounds spoilt too. Eugh.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 29-Oct-17 10:46:31

I'd also remind the mother of the girl that she needs to remember she is in another persons home.

This needs to go through the landlord as well. Especially as they are turning up mob handed.

bevelino Sun 29-Oct-17 10:46:45

Over on the higher education thread there was recently a similar scenario discussed, but from the perspective of a mother who says her daughter is being excluded by her house mates.

justilou1 Sun 29-Oct-17 10:56:44

Also, this student could be told that perhaps she needs to start solving her own problems with grocery shopping, perhaps by asking DD for a lift and offering petrol money if DD accepts.

Student could also be told that visitors en masse must be cleared by all members of the household as it is intrusive.

Student could also be told that while nobody is bullying or excluding her (yet), her behaviour and that of her family is not endearing or inspiring confidence.

Usernamegone Sun 29-Oct-17 11:03:21

The mothers behaviour will only make her daughter feel more excluded as everyone will be afraid that they have to tippy-toe round her now.

Also, I expect no one in the house will want to live with her next year just in case her family come round mob handed again!

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