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Tell my neighbour about my other neighbour?

(23 Posts)
Gorgeous73 Sun 29-Oct-17 04:26:56

We have new neighbours (moved in a few months ago). They seemed nice and decent enough but over time, we started to hear shouting and swearing. They have a daughter around the same age as my children so they always play together outside, they get on really well. The thing is, a few weeks back there was a really loud row in the middle of the night, and the police was called. All I know is that the next day a policeman came to ours to ask what we know about them and when I asked her if it's safe for my kids to go to theirs and play, she said it's fine during the day but she wouldn't encourage sleepovers as "some things happen there at night". I didn't ask what, not my business and that's all I needed anyway. We were also told to call the police if we hear any noise like doors banging... After a few such incidents (shouting and screaming etc always at night) we now know that they drink and become quite violent, both parents. I let my kids play with their girl outside but I say no to sleepovers. Now my other neigbour (who isn't aware of all of this as they live a few houses down) always allows her daughter to have a sleepover there. This poses two problems for me: 1/ My children think I'm just saying no without reason, I can't possibly tell them why - but I can handle this, as I know I'm doing the right thing. 2/ Should I tell my other neighbour that it might not be safe (we're not close friends, but we talk occasionally about kids/weather etc)? On the one hand, it's surely not my place + I don't want to ruin their daughter's friendships, she shouldn't have to pay for her parents horrible behaviour, she's actually a nice kid; on the other hand, what if, God forbid, something happens and then I would never be able to forgive myself.
Now that I wrote all of it down, i'm thinking I might be overthinking the whole thing hmm but I'd like to hear other opinions please.
(Just to add, it doesn't look like the social services are involved or anything)

flyingpigsinclover Sun 29-Oct-17 04:30:11

I'd be inclined to speak to your contact at the police and explain and let them deal with it.

Pengggwn Sun 29-Oct-17 04:30:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keepcalmandfuckon Sun 29-Oct-17 04:48:07

Definitely tell them. The poor child having to live with that. Have ss been called?

keepcalmandfuckon Sun 29-Oct-17 04:48:42

Just saw that you said ss aren’t involved. Why not? I’d call them.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 29-Oct-17 05:11:47

Yes, I would tell them. I know it will be awkward. Tell them what has happened without finger pointing and what the police said. If your neighbours want verification, suggest they go down the police station.

MrsPicklesonSmythe Sun 29-Oct-17 07:13:57

Yes definitely tell them. I never notice things that go on with my neighbours (it was 2 years before I noticed and was told that I had one of the most blatant and busy drug dealers in the world living downstairs from me!) I just don't look at other people that much.
They really need to know.

Gorgeous73 Sun 29-Oct-17 09:39:29

Keepcalm Maybe I'm just not aware of the involvement of the ss, or maybe the police thought the little girl is safe despite all of it? I'm not sure tbh.
I think I will mention what happened to my other neighbour. I just hate the idea of causing the little girl next door to lose friends, she has enough sadness in her life I'm sure sad
Thank you for your messages everyone star

0hCrepe Sun 29-Oct-17 09:41:54

Yes tell them and also suggest she has sleepovers at yours/other neighbours instead.

Maelstrop Sun 29-Oct-17 09:44:12

Definitely tell the other neighbour. You'd feel terrible if something happened. It sounds like maybe they have alcohol at night then get rowdy/violent?

OhWhatToChoose Sun 29-Oct-17 09:45:53

Yes why not invite the girl to have sleepovers at yours. Might just give her the rest and break she needs plus you can check that she really is ok.

DancingLedge Sun 29-Oct-17 09:47:44

If the boot was on the other foot, would you want them to tell you?
There's your answer.

Maplestaple Sun 29-Oct-17 09:49:58

Ofcourse you need to tell her, or get in touch with the officer and ask them to do it.

Please don't make them stop playing outside with the little girl though. That poor little girl sad

Gorgeous73 Sun 29-Oct-17 10:46:04

I might try and organise the sleepover here, and hope they won't want to reciprocate hmm In fact, the little girl spends a lot of time here, she comes in and spends hours playing, eats with us etc, she's actually quite sweet if not a bit in need of boundaries but who could blame her!
Maple I hear you, of course I would never do that sad

0hCrepe Sun 29-Oct-17 20:49:51

If they ever did want to reciprocate just say with a smile, oh no it’s fine.

mummymummums Sun 29-Oct-17 20:58:55

I would tell the neighbours.
I'd also have the little girl for sleepovers at ours - I'd decline any return invites though, and think of an excuse. I probably would say she sleepwalks and gets confused or something.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 29-Oct-17 21:08:14

YY to having the little girl over. Poor kid. The more care she gets from other more responsible adults, the better.

FenceSitter01 Sun 29-Oct-17 21:10:10

That'll go down well when one tell the other that you are gossiping.

mtpaektu Sun 29-Oct-17 21:16:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 29-Oct-17 21:29:54

Also surprised ss hasn't been involved?! I got a call of ss over some things my ex said who I don't even have contact with and he doesn't see the children. I would be inclined to call them myself if it was me.

babsthebuilder Sun 29-Oct-17 21:34:41

I suspect ss are involved. Without stalking all their visitors and never leaving the house, oh, and bugging their phones, how could you be sure? They will at least be aware as the police have a duty to report a lot of things, and if they’re doing house to house enquiries. You could always call them and alert them to your conversation with the police if you really aren’t convinced though.

Anyway, as others have said. Definitely mention it to the neighbour, and arrange that sleep over for your house. You might be the best thing to happen to this girl.

TitaniasCloset Sun 29-Oct-17 21:35:31

I would tell the police contact if you can, if you tell them and they let it slip it's going to cause a situation. Depends how trustworthy you think the neighbours are.

Gorgeous73 Mon 30-Oct-17 22:12:21

I'm not sure about the ss, like I said, they might be involved and I might not know. Also they've moved in recently and the ss from where they lived before might know about the case. Either way since the police are aware of the situation, I don't think it's my place to call the ss.
I've decided for now to adopt the indirect approach and whenever there is talk of a sleepover, find an excuse to have it here at mine.
@Fencesitter I don't gossip and the only reason I'm even wondering about talking to my other neighbour is because her little girl has sleepovers there and I was told by the police not to let my children sleep there. My dilemma was exactly whether it's my place to say something or not, but thanks for taking the time to judge me anyway.

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