I know IABU just need a moan(3 Posts)
Okay before I start I know IABU so I don't know why I am writing this.
I have 2 children. Ds with dp (2 years) & dd with ex (8 years)
Our relationship has been struggling since ds was 6 months.
Mil from hell. Miscarriage before ds and death of 6 of my family members in 2 years.
When planned baby was a few months away from being due he took on an extra work course which a) he never told me about and b) he was always at it and was away 2 days after I was released from the hospital from a c section for final exams.
Then he got offered a promotion. The travel time would be 2 hours each way.
I said it would be hard and didn't think it was a good idea but he accepted.
I honeslty feel like a single parent. I know he is away working and is not out having a ball. But he is bearly here and when he is he rarely helps. Plus he is away on his phone dealing with work when he is here.
I do all the house stuff, get dd to school and clubs. Plan things for son to do. Volunteer at the school and I am doing a course. And I am dealing with lawyers with regards to dd and ex. Plus dd might have adhd (she is in the process of getting tested)
Our personal relationship is non-existent.
I suffer anxiety and depression so I know it might just be how I feel.
But I feel like I am a juggling so many things and I stressed and exhausted 24/7
I feel like I am raising the family we planned. Very rarly do we get family time together.
I fear we are going to keep drifting apart.
It sounds like the last couple of years have been very, very hard.
You’ve had a lot to deal with personally and your DH is doing long hours and a brutal commute. It’s completely understandable that you are both tired and down and a bit miserable.
Have you sat down and talked about it? Not complaining or blaming just saying “I miss you, I need you, can we make some changes?”
I remember my Mum saying to me that when your kids are young is really the hardest time of your life, you’re tired, working at building your career, finances can be tight etc etc etc.
It’s really easy to drop the ball on your relationship. Relationships need tending just like children and houses and careers.
Can you set time aside for child free time? Even if it’s just a takeaway and a movie (and phones in the other room). If you have babysitters getting an evening out can make all the difference.
I think you are right Cavender. It has been a while since we made each other a priority.
We defiantly need to set some time aside for each other.
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