Man asked for kiss from my four year old daughter

[thickgit]

So, we were at the fair/fireworks this evening and my daughter was having turns on the giant inflatable slide. The man running it was about 75 I would say, and kept asking my daughter for a high five when she reached the bottom. When her goes were finished he bent down and pointed to his cheek, asking for her to give him a kiss. Thankfully, I was close enough to be able to step in and said no, no kissing thank you.
My daughter asked why not. That was tricky. The first thing that came out of my mouth was 'we don't kiss people we don't know' then I said 'only mummy, daddy and brother' . My daughter replied 'but I kiss Pamela' (girl in her class, not real name). I said that was okay.
Gosh, it's so tricky to get this stuff right! I appreciate any advice on what to say to my daughter to help keep her safe, that is age appropriate and that won't scare or confuse her
I'd also like your opinion on the scenario. I'm glad I stopped her kissing him. When the firework display started I went up to the man and said "you are out of order asking little girls for kisses, that's not on, I'm going to report you" He said nothing apart from Okay and he looked sheepish. This may have been one hundred percent innocent. . . Little old man who genuinely adores children.
Did I over react in your opinion? What would you have done in this situation?

[Sarahh2014]

What the actual fuck...no way is it ok to ask for a kiss from a strangers child imo..my son is 3 and if anyone did that id tell them er No!

[Inkandbone]

I doubt it was innocent from his reaction.

Unfortunately, sometimes places like fairs and parks draw sex offenders to them like moths to a flame.

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I wouldn't have said anything to the man, the way you handled it with your dd was fine. Report him? He may have been naive or he may have been inappropriate, but he didn't do anything to report imo.

[WishingOnABar]

YA definitely NBU

[AGoodCupOfTea]

Well done for going back and telling him.

This is a new era and things like this need to be stopped.

[RefuseTheLies]

Who are you going to report him to?

[AGoodCupOfTea]

I can’t believe the minimisation coming from these posters - who is she going to report it to?
Fuck off. You don’t allow old men to kiss little girls, she can report it to the police if she wanted to.

[BMW6]

Sorry but I think you over reacted. He asked for a kiss on his cheek, that's all.
Of course you should do the "stranger danger" talk so your daughter has guidance when you are not around, but You were there so nothing inappropriate could have happened.

Actually I find this very sad. Very sad indeed. Poor man.

[Inkandbone]

Police, i imagine, and rightly so.

Why? Because it builds a picture.

One parent complaining about a man asking for a kiss isn't much. If ten parents complain that their children were approached in a manner that made them uncomfortable, then thatbguves the police something to go off and it might just help save a child who's parents aren't as on the ball.

No one needs to apologise for reporting. Sure, if might be nothing, but it could be something.

[AGoodCupOfTea]

InkandBone thank you!

I have just successfully repeorted someone who did shit like this when I was a kid, and all because it spider webbed out from me, other people came forward saying he did the same, that he’s been arrested.

It doesn’t matter if it’s just a kiss, it’s a form of grooming.

[Mxyzptlk]

Even if he's a dear old man who adores kids, he needs to know that's not the way to show it.

[thickgit]

Thank you for your responses. That's why I came on here. . . .because it is kind of 'trivial', but it's the kind of stuff that goes on all the bloody time, right under our noses, and it's only because I read lots on here that I had the courage if you like, to say no and to also let him know that it wasn't on. If I hadn't, I would be sitting here kicking myself. Once, when I was 14, a guy that I was working for on Saturdays, asked me for a kiss for giving me a desk. My mum was with me. He kissed me on my lips, and his were slightly open. Disgusting. My mum 'allowed" that to happen. I am so so determined to empower my children and do all that I possibly can to help them to protect themselves. BUT, I want to strike the right balance.
Report possibly to the funfair management and maybe call 111 to discuss with them? I works with children. Maybe he is on their radar already. . .

[TwitterQueen1]

FFS - police? What at totally unnecessary over-reaction. Do you really think the police are going to be interested in the fact that an old man asked for a kiss on the cheek from a little girl, in an open, public space with the mother present?

Jeez, what kind of judgmental, paranoid society are we creating here. I too think this is incredibly sad. You have no evidence or reason to believe there is anything sinister about this man's actions at all.

OK, so you may not like it and you are perfectly within your rights to talk about stranger danger, but to start talking about reporting, and police, in these circumstances? No.

[usernameinfinito]

You did the right thing OP. Who the fuck asks for a kiss from a random unknown child? This is grooming.

[buckeejit]

I agree you should report to the police - if he is at best extremely naive then a realistic talk from the authorities would be helpful to him.

Nobody working closely with children should be asking for kisses

[MamaLeen]

Thank goodness you where so on the ball op! YANBU.
That is totally inappropriate regardless of whether he is an innocent old man or if he was a dirty old perv!
As soon as my wee one started school I made her aware of protecting herself.
I always told my daughter kisses and cuddles are for family only.
You can get lots of advice online such as nspcc they have worksheet etc to do with your child if you are struggle to approach it.

Good luck and best wishes

[Inkandbone]

We all knew who they were as kids. There were always "funny men" around. And you know, retrospectively it so pisses me off that WE were told not to go near them, that WE were warned about getting into cars with them.

My parents took me to Turkey as a thirteen year old and I remember having my arse felt up by three men on a packed train in Istanbul and my parents watched and said nothing. Then at the hotel they giggled at my embarrassment at waiters trying to make me dance with them and kiss them.

Maybe people would be amazed at how often children are sexually abused within plain sight of their own parents People rely on just the same reactions as up the thread. "Oh, hes just a lonely old man and loves kids." If you love children, you want to make them happy. You don't want to scare and frighten them. If you love children, volunteer to read stories, push a toddler on a swing, feed ducks. Don't grab them and kiss them, they don't usually like it

It astounds me but perversely I also understand it. People are scared of being deemed "hysterical", and we are all clever arent we and we all know that only these thick commoners believe a paedophile lives round every corner right? And so you let your children be molested in front of you? No.

OP did exactly the right thing, and was a perfect role model for her DD. And i am so glad that one little girl doesn't think she needs to kiss pervy old men just because he might be lonely.

[PrincessoftheSea]

Total over reaction to report to police

[Inkandbone]

And if all night he's been trying to find a little girl he can kiss and maybe a bit more too, is it still an overreaction?

[crazycatgal]

I think you handled it well OP. It's not on for someone to ask for kisses from young children.

[ethelfleda]

Nobody working closely with children should be asking for kisses

This! Even if it was innocent, the man needs to know this was definitely not appropriate!

[Aeroflotgirl]

Good on you, sounds like a right perv. I would report him, his behaviour is not on. Good on you from stopping her kissing him, your teaching her boundaries and consent. You handled it really well.

[cheminotte]

Well done OP. You did the right thing.

[Isadora2007]

Whilst it is not grooming as he isn’t going to have ongoing contact with this child, it certainly isn’t best practise and the fairground workers should be appropriately advised when working with kids.
I dont think I would report it personally, but I would have used the opportunity to teach my child about not kissing people we don’t know and maybe even led that to talking about the pants rule and autonomy over their body etc.

[thickgit]

Thank you, I appreciate the different stances. I do hear people who are saying poor innocent old guy, and let's hope you're right. Something in me just said no, old sweet man or not, he needs to know what is appropriate and what isn't. My daughter also needs to know. This kind of thing was way more normal when I was a child, and rarely challenged. I'm quite surprised at how fierce I feel when it comes to my children and keeping them safe. I don't think I would ever have a problem telling someone, no thank you, if I was the slightest bit uncomfortable.
As for me being present, what could possibly have happened. . . Time to open your eyes. Things can happen right under your nose, literally.
I'm so so glad times are changing and we are finally more able and willing to speak out.