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to think you should be able to speak out if you're uncomfortable at work?

(19 Posts)
Stressy3215 Sat 28-Oct-17 22:06:24

I've gotten my friend in trouble at work. I really like him outside of work but he's vile to work with. He's a mentor so he's sort of above us but not in any official capacity - we work in a call centre so he gives people on our team training and guidance but he doesn't always go about it the right way. There's a lot of people on our team that dislike him as they say he talks down to them and can be belittling. Ive taken him up on the way he's spoken to me several times and he's always apologised in the end. He is extremely short tempered and can blow up over small things and he speaks to our manager like shit. He was having a full blown argument with her the other day about an email he didn't understand saying it wasn't clear and no one understood (we all did) and he made her retype it and send it again. He doesn't follow her instructions and is really insolent in general. I think our managers lost control of him and he almost bullies her into getting his own way. The rest of the team have mentioned how uncomfortable it is when he blows up- the newbies especially. I've had lots of good chats with him and get on with him outside of work and have mutual friends but he can be quite intimidating at work.

Anyway, the point of this thread is he and my manager had a blazing row on Thursday. I'm talking full on slanging match as she asked him not to email the team from another staff members computer. Everyone else was sat looking at eachother really uncomfortable. We're a call centre anyway so it's a loud environment and we've all got headsets on but it was really distracting. Something in me just had enough so I went to another manager - same level as my team manager but she oversees training so not dobbing him into the senior management team- and told her about it and how our team all feel uncomfortable with it and she said she'd have a word and get it resolved. We came into work on Friday and he was pulled into a meeting with two managers and got a royal bollocking and now his card is definitely marked and he's talking about quitting.
I've felt really guilty but I've spoken to him about it several times before but he just got argumentative and nothing's been done when I've spoken to my direct manager so I felt like I had to go and speak to someone else. He was shouts at us all and name calls saying people are mental and crazy when he doesn't get his own way. I've told my DP about it tonight as I'm wracked with guilt at the thought of getting him in trouble and he said I was in the wrong to go to someone else about it and I shouldn't have got him in trouble as it would've been picked up by a manager sooner or later.

AIBU to think if you're uncomfortable about something you have the right to speak out about it?

Stressy3215 Sat 28-Oct-17 22:06:55

Sorry this is such a rant!!

karigan Sat 28-Oct-17 22:08:22

Yanbu. If he's acting in a completely unprofessional manner then it's his fault that he is now in trouble.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa Sat 28-Oct-17 22:10:45

You did the right thing, don't waste another minute worrying about him.

Cloudyapples Sat 28-Oct-17 22:15:27

I reckon if your manager knew she’d give you a big thank you! Nobody should treat anyone else like that. You did the right thing.

DJBaggySmalls Sat 28-Oct-17 22:20:34

YANBU. Stop feeling guilty about supporting someone who has been targeted by a bully. If there are consequences, he brought them on himself.

ilovesooty Sat 28-Oct-17 22:21:36

I think you did exactly the right thing.

Stressy3215 Sat 28-Oct-17 22:27:20

Thank you for your comments. I know I did it for the right reasons I'm just so disappointed my DP thinks I'm a tattletale

StepAwayFromCake Sun 29-Oct-17 00:00:55

If out of work he's capable of being a nice person, who can discuss things rationally, but at work keeps losing it, then clearly this is not the right job for him. He sounds incredibly stressed. You've probably done him, your manager and your colleagues a favour.

Winterhotchocolate Sun 29-Oct-17 00:09:59

Yanbu he’s bullying and intimidating the whole team. You’ve tried talking to him before and it made no difference so u did the right thing to go to a manager this time

Sparklesocks Sun 29-Oct-17 01:13:51

He is responsible for his own actions - not you - and he is acting unprofessional at best, downright rude/disrespectful at worst. He did those things, you blowing the whistle just shone light on them. You have nothing to feel bad about.

You and your colleagues have a right to work in a non toxic environment after all. Anyone creating the opposite of that should be dealt with appropriately.

ButchyRestingFace Sun 29-Oct-17 01:20:20

Thank you for your comments. I know I did it for the right reasons I'm just so disappointed my DP thinks I'm a tattletale

So what if you are? If there were more like you, there would be less like your colleague. Who can manage his volcanic temper when it suits him.

Besides, your husband isn’t actually on the receiving end of these outbursts himself, and only hears about them third hand. He should be supporting you here.

Stressy3215 Sun 29-Oct-17 12:54:45

Had another moan at my DP and gave him some examples and he's come round to my way of thinking.

My colleague has been passed over for promotion a few times and has become very bitter

Ameliablue Sun 29-Oct-17 13:00:19

If as bad as you say, it probably was not down to you going to a different manager, as other managers were probably also aware and others may also have complained.

SuperTrumper Sun 29-Oct-17 13:04:29

Did your DP really say that? I can’t imagine that anyone, after hearing your side of the story, would think you were being anything but reasonable

kinkajoukid Sun 29-Oct-17 14:08:21

Sounds like you did exactly the right thing.

He sounds awful to work for and its completely unacceptable to be raging like that. Good for you for speaking up. You were really brave (as well as completely reasonable and responsible) and your DP is nuts if he sees it any other way.

RainyApril Sun 29-Oct-17 14:19:41

Well you didn't get him in trouble did you, his own unprofessional behaviour did that.

I imagine the management team are thoroughly sick of him and we're just waiting for an excuse to start managing him out, and with good reason.

He's got two choices now hasn't he. Start behaving professionally or leave before he's pushed. I imagine he's the sort to leave whilst loudly blaming everyone else for the injustice of it all.

Stressy3215 Mon 30-Oct-17 07:28:39

I don't think he quite understands the call centre/office environment. At first he thought that by me going to another manager I'd gone to senior management rather than a different manager at the same level.

His point was if I was that uncomfortable I should've raised it with him as we are friends before taking itbro someone else and yes I do agree with that but I really did not feel comfortable in wading into their slanging match and taking him to task.

StepAwayFromCake Mon 30-Oct-17 08:01:46

However, you have talked to him about it before.

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