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To feel so fucking angry again, and again and again **Trigger Warning - content of thread relates to child abuse**

(114 Posts)

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Sarahjconnor Sat 28-Oct-17 21:22:04

This is a rant. I am sorry, I really am sorry. Everyone close to me is sick of this and I need someone to listen - if you can thank you. If you can't fair enough, even I am bored of this bullshit.

In 1996 Jimmy Savile assaulted me and tried to drag and push me into a private room but I fought him off. It was brutal, I was beaten up and hurt. I reported him to the BBC, the police and my school. I was called a liar repeatedly and told that any further complaint and wonderful 'sir Jimmy' would be given my contact details so he could pursue legal action against me.

The HW case and all the associated 'why didn't they speak out' and comparing men who make a clumsy pass to men who sexually assault women and I am so so pissed off. I cant think straight, I can't work. I am raging.

He didn't rape me, I am ok, I feel so angry for the survivors I am so angry.

AIBU TO BE SO FUCKING ANGRY AND SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED WITH THIS FUCKING WORLD.

Sorry. I don't know what to do with myself. Can anyone offer me anything? DH can't take anymore, no one wants to hear me ranting anymore, I am sorry, please help.

Namechangetempissue Sat 28-Oct-17 21:24:18

flowers OP.
How dreadful, I'm so sorry. You need to seek counselling -can you see your GP for advice and local support groups?

C0untDucku1a Sat 28-Oct-17 21:25:14

Are you in counselling at all?

Youre right though, it is shit.

Doubletrouble42 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:25:34

Didn't want to read and run. Sounds like the HW case has understandably raked up awful memories. What a horrible thing to happen and you were treated appallingly. You are not alone xxx

SmileEachDay Sat 28-Oct-17 21:25:49

You need to get some professional counselling. The internet won’t help you.

Your GP can refer you, or you can go private. But do it. No one else is your responsibility- you are.

I’m sorry that happened to you.

MammaTJ Sat 28-Oct-17 21:26:08

I understand your anger at not being listened to. That must have been awful for you. So frustrating. I always think if people don't report they risk further people being assaulted and raped in the future, but you absolutely tried your best. It is the people who did not listen who are to blame. Well, and obviously 'Sir' Jimmy.

I really don't know what to suggest, I just wanted you to know I have heard you, for what that is worth.

Outnotdown Sat 28-Oct-17 21:27:03

I am sorry you had that experience, it is so unjust. Can you access counselling? You need a way to process this so that you can move through the anger and get out of the vicious circle.

What happened can never be made right. But you shouldn't have to carry the experience everywhere with you, and not be free to live your life because if itflowers

ElizabethDarcey Sat 28-Oct-17 21:27:09

I believe you 100%. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It is really wrong that you weren't believed.

I hope that we are moving towards better times where more children and women are believed about their assaults.

Sorry to sound trite but have you had/considered counselling. It won't take it away or fix it but might help make it more 'orderly' in your head so it doesn't spill out and disturb your day to day life so much. Because if nothing else that bastard shouldn't be allowed to take anything more from you.

Ijustlovefood Sat 28-Oct-17 21:28:15

How horrible for you. I cannot imagine what you must have gone through and still are going through.

altiara Sat 28-Oct-17 21:28:39

Agree with previous poster on getting counselling.
And yes, I’d be angry too. It’s not just the assault, it’s being called a liar and making you feel like you did something wrong when you didn’t.
I think counselling would help you control the anger. Be strong. Rant away if you need too but somehow you need to control it before it carries you away flowers

silverbell64 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:29:24

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ForgivenessIsDivine Sat 28-Oct-17 21:30:00

I hear you. You have a right to rant, you were not listened to, your life has been overshadowed by this event, it is shit, it happens to lots of people and it still happens. Rant away.

IndianaMoleWoman Sat 28-Oct-17 21:30:24

Fucking hell OP. I believe you. I had a close call in my early teens too and it is exasperating, particularly when arseholes in power like Gove think it’s a huge fucking joke.

All I can suggest is counselling. Please speak to your GP on as soon as you can. flowers

Sarahjconnor Sat 28-Oct-17 21:30:56

I have had counselling and it did help but it comes back in waves of outrageous and unpredictable anger. Giving evidence at Dame Janet Smiths enquiry was very helpful, she was wonderful and incredibly supportive. The report disappointed me but she really really helped. When she told me she believed me and that I shouldn't have been treated that way I completely lost it - sobbed for 15 mins being cuddled by Dame Janet Smith. Surreal but very very helpful.

SmileEachDay Sat 28-Oct-17 21:35:07

Do I think your being over the top, yes I do. You were not raped and maybe you do need some sort of counselling for your reaction.

The OP could very well have a PTSD type reaction from an assault like this. It’s not especially helpful to imply that because she wasn’t raped she should tone it down.

Sarahjconnor Sat 28-Oct-17 21:35:44

If people want to make weird troll like comments I will not be responding. I am not asking for sympathy, I am asking for people to listen, and very deeply thank those who do.

As it is, someone was serious assaulted after he tried to abduct me and the security guard who refused to believe me and the 'minders' who beat me and tore my clothes allowed that to happen. And yet I feel guilty that happened and I wish I could reach out to that girl/woman and tel her I tried.

I feel like I should have done more, I couldn't do anything. No one helped me, not one cared.

silverbell64 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:36:34

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SmileEachDay Sat 28-Oct-17 21:39:54

Silver I’m sorry that happened to you. Me too. It’s awful.

But...

There isn’t a finite amount of suffering. The OP’s pain does not take away from yours. It’s ok for her to feel as she feels and we should listen with compassion to anyone who has been assaulted.

IndianaMoleWoman Sat 28-Oct-17 21:40:46

OP, you need to make peace with the fact that there was nothing more you could do, you were powerless.

It is a national scandal that you, and so many others, were not believed. What happened to you, and others, is not your fault. The blame lies solely with the perpetrators. Please do not feel guilty.

silverbell64 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:42:39

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user1492877024 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:44:20

Erm, er, ok then.

SmileEachDay Sat 28-Oct-17 21:44:26

silver why are you pushing your point?

Is it helpful?

Is it kind?

ZippyCameBack Sat 28-Oct-17 21:44:40

Silverbell, there is no hierarchy of suffering. Obviously, some things are more difficult to deal with than others, but broadly speaking either a person is struggling or they are not. If they are struggling then they deserve compassion. Having some empathy for the OP doesn't lessen the terrible things which happened to you and it doesn't make your suffering any less important or devastating.
OP, I am truly sorry that this has happened to you and that you are still suffering because of it.

GabsAlot Sat 28-Oct-17 21:45:15

sorry silvr ar u playing top trumps on who should be given more sympathy?

if you are then sorry youre not getting any

silverbell64 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:45:38

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