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DS and sleep

(38 Posts)
Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 21:09:12

Wrong place but I don't know where else to turn.

DS just won't sleep.

He's always been a terrible sleeper, needed constant cuddling until 5 or so months, wouldn't go in the bouncer, his crib, pram, the play gym. Showers were 4 minutes of listening to him scream. Not a grumble, straight from happy to bright red, screaming, gasping for air. He as like that in the car, and basically anytime he wasn't held (didn't care who held him unless he was hungry). Even held he woke every 45-90minutes.

He didn't sleep more than 2hrs 45mins mat a time until he was 14months and we night weaned. Shortly after he went through a glorious 6 week period of waking once or twice a night and going back down within 30minutes.

That was 8 months ago.

We are dying. He wakes two to three times a night, takes hours to get back down, several attempts and then finally he'll sleep. Some nights it's 4 hours before he'll go back down.

This week, Saturday started at 2am for me, Sunday at 3.18 for DH. Monday 4.10 with a two hour wake up at midnight. Tuesday I was awake 2-5, when DH took over. Wednesday was the best night, DS was awake 9.30- 1.45 the slept until 5 10, a quick cuddle and another HR in bed. Last night I was awake 1.30-2.30 then up for the day at 4.

DS sleeps in my arms or just pies awake in my arms. Any attempt to put him down or for us to lie down (e.g cosleep) are met with either screaming until he's sick then more screaming (we've made it to 4 hrs of controlled crying, 3 night in a row before 3 episodes of being sick, before giving up) or him awake and climbing around the bed.

I'm at my wit's end. I'm surviving off sugar and caffeine. I'm too tired to drive to my hobbies, I fell asleep during the online shop. My hair is falling out in clumps, I have a permanent headache, my weight is ballooning. DH s the same. We haven't had a conversation in weeks beyond "it's your night shift, I'll buy dinner, what do you want".

My boss is amazingly understanding but my work is suffering. DH starts a new job Monday so I've sent him to a friend's to sleep this weekend.

I don't know what to do.

We've tried (given each several weeks attempts) cosleeping, earlier bed time, later bed time, controlled crying, the no cry sleep solution, pick up put down.

He occasionally wants a drink in the night but never food or milk. He eats really well, has supper before bed and is a wonderful, happy, loving child all day. No delays, no health issues and naps for around an hour.

AIBU to want some fucking sleep?

Fitbit reckons 7hrs this week.

Changerofname987654321 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:13:00

Have you been to the dr to rule out any medical issues eg reflux or ears?

zebedebe Sat 28-Oct-17 21:17:30

Poor you, OP, sounds so exhausting.

The not wanting to lie down to co sleep thing has made me wonder about reflux? My DS struggled to be put down to sleep until we elevated his crib with a wedge. Also a sleepyhead helped a lot. Have you tried either?

Outnotdown Sat 28-Oct-17 21:18:46

Just wanted to offer sympathy, but can't help unfortunately. My children were dire and eventually grew out of it, the first two years were the worst.

When it improves, the early bit seems like a bad dream. And it will improve. But going through it is physically and mentally traumatic. Hang in there. flowers

Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 21:24:36

No reflux (ruled out early on) he's happy to lie flat on me, just not for me to lie down as well!

We have a sleepyhead, it's better than nothing but doesn't do much.

He's currently 22months.

Moanyoldcow Sat 28-Oct-17 21:26:12

That sounds utterly horrific - you poor things.

I'm assuming you have sought medical help?

What's he like during the day? Has he met milestones etc?

Will he play quietly on his own? My son went through some challenging periods (nothing near as severe as you're experiencing) and I made his room safe, had some nice toys, little baby bum on YouTube (out of reach) and slept (napped) whilst he played.

It wasn't perfect but it was all I could do. I found forcing sleep on a reluctant child to be so demoralising I just let him sleep when he wanted and be awake when he wanted.

Swimming also wore him out but not practical on a daily basis!!

MrBloomsLeftVeg Sat 28-Oct-17 21:28:21

Erm. My 6 year old sadly follows the same pattern. We've tried every routine/method/trick known to man for weeks/months on end and never got more than an average of 4-6 broken hours a night. My dd has thrown herself over the cot bars repeatedly busting her nose between 18 months and 2 1/2. Now she's bigger, she self harms by banging her head off the wall or headbutting me to avoid paying down.
We are just starting investigation with CAMHS as she's otherwise happy/healthy/neurotypical/good appetite
I realise this is no bloody use to you whatever but hang in there. I'm in zombie like solidarity with you. flowers

MessyBun247 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:29:50

Sounds fucking awful sad try posting on the sleep board?

SeaToSki Sat 28-Oct-17 21:34:57

It might be food allergies, my friend’s baby was just like this and it ended up being a dairy allergy. Try keeping a detailed food diary and see if there is any correlation. If he is BF, keep the food diary for you as well. Good luck

Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 21:36:56

moanyoldcow drs just think it's a phase. No physical reason. Meeting all milestones, wonderful in the day. Very happy, can self occupy a fair bit but won't watch TV. Loves to read. I work full time so don't get to nap in the day.

DH and I take it in turns to nap at weekends.

Mrsbloom that sounds awful. I really hope you get a breakthrough soon, for all your sakes. I also hope that isn't us in 4 year.

Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 21:37:37

Thanks ski hadn't considered food allergy.

bumblingbovine49 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:39:04

Have you tried cranio therapy. DS was similar (though not quite as bad) and this definitely helped. He started sleeping 4-6 hours a night a few times a week after this (at 18 months old) and it gradually improved over a few weeks (except when ill obviously)

DS still only sleeps about 7-8 hours a night now an he is 13 years old. He goes to bed at ,9.30pm though and just reads now till he sleeps at about 11pm/12am. He is usually awake between 6.30am and 7.30am every day

Moanyoldcow Sat 28-Oct-17 21:40:43

Sorry needadvice - I meant doing that at night - would that help at all?

altiara Sat 28-Oct-17 21:41:13

Will he lie down flat on top of you while you lie down?

Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 21:43:30

Altiara no, he thinks it's playing!

Bumbling I'll give it a try. We'll do anything at the moment!

Starlight2345 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:50:17

Does Ds nap in the day ? How long is he getting in the day . My Ds was 4 before he generally slept through . I did the moving chair technique but he would also co sleep as well . I am sure not am approved technique I would put him in my bed early hours he would watch kids tv while I dozed . I was a lp so only way I could catch up on any sleep

repetitionrepetition Sat 28-Oct-17 21:53:00

christ your first paragraph sounds like my DS who is 6mo confused

Moanyoldcow Sat 28-Oct-17 21:53:35

Oh, that was the other thing - kids audio books. We play them and he goes to sleep
To them eventually (usually after we have).

It's a fucking slog, isn't it? My son is 4 and needs less sleep than pretty much all of his peers.

Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 21:56:54

He has about an hour in the day.

Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 21:57:38

Thanks for all the support and suggestions. I'll be trying them all!

Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 21:58:48

Early rising I can cope with, a pattern of 11pm- 5am would do me!

Confuseddotcomsmum Sat 28-Oct-17 22:09:41

Another vote for cranial osteopathy. I hope it gets better for you soon. It's so so hard.

nutbrownhare15 Sat 28-Oct-17 22:10:44

I really feel for you, what a tough time you are having. Possible things you could try, this is based on my reading of the gentlesleep book by Sarah Ockwell Smith and tips from her website. Playing music at bedtime and all night ('alpha' music designed for children available via her website) using red night light, using sleep scent eg lavender. Honestly I would suggest setting boundaries with empathy that meet your needs as well as his eg explain you will be lying down with him and you know it makes him feel sad and mad, mummy's here to give him a cuddle if he needs one, comfort him in other ways. I think you need professional sleep help from a gentle sleep consultant.i really rate SOS, she knows her stuff and has helped lots of families so check out her website. I used one who was cheaper and could send you details if you pmd me although we had a much.more straightforward case. Good luck and I hope it gets better very soon.

Needadvicetoleave Sat 28-Oct-17 22:11:56

What sort of cost is cranial osteopathy?

Emily7708 Sat 28-Oct-17 22:19:44

Please look up night waking dairy intolerance on google and see if it sounds familiar. Koko milk is good as a replacement but even the lactofree milks make a difference. You’ll probably need to give it a week or two to get the benefit.

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