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AIBU to think that announcing on Facebook the details of a random act of kindness you committed kind of cheapens the deal?

(55 Posts)
JamieFrasersMistress Sat 28-Oct-17 20:35:50

This will probably court controversy but, hey, this is Mumsnet!!
A facebook friend has recently updated their status with a long story of how they encountered a random stranger on a train who seemed distressed and this friend has taken great care to give details of how they comforted, assisted, supported and directed this person to somewhere they could potentially be helped. The story was peppered with the grateful remarks of the person they helped and made it quite clear that the helper went quite a lot out of their way to provide this assistance.
Whilst, obviously, I commend the individual for doing the right thing, I can't help thinking "why did you feel the need to announce to all and sundry on social media that you did this?" It sticks in my craw somehow and it makes me feel that what should have been a truly noble deed has become exploited as a vehicle for self aggrandisement. To me it cheapens the deal and although the recipient will probably never know I would hate that they ever thought that their misery was used to ostensibly promote another's image. Don't they say that a true act of kindness is committed without expecting thanks or recognition?
Or am I just being a wee bit sensitive?

letsmargaritatime Sat 28-Oct-17 20:40:38

Yanbu. I hate this on Facebook.

LondonGirl83 Sat 28-Oct-17 20:41:07

I agree with you 100 percent

Lostflipflop Sat 28-Oct-17 20:46:20

I agree too, I find it quite smug!

HRHPrincessMegan Sat 28-Oct-17 21:00:19

Personally I find “humblebrags” hilarious: they are so revealing of a person’s lack of character.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Sat 28-Oct-17 21:02:07

Nothing controversial about that opinion at all!

WhosTakingDeHorseToFrance Sat 28-Oct-17 21:03:52

Totally agree with you, do something good and get on about your business. The end. Facebook is full of such utter shite .

TowerRavenSeven Sat 28-Oct-17 21:05:31

Yanbu. It's kind of like cheating in a way. It's far more fun to do things in secret when you are the only one that knows.

Mxyzptlk Sat 28-Oct-17 21:06:07


Hmmalittlefishy Sat 28-Oct-17 21:06:44

YNBU my sil does this alot grinh isn't the homeless man in x town centre so polite when I gave him food/money'
However she also lists every small thing she does in the day like making lunch and hoovering to lots of 'u r so gud to ur family hun' 'ur a saint'
I Completely ignore it and feel better all round

Overreaction1 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:08:35

It's similar to the post on here where a sick children's nurse was posting pictures of herself on duty and talking about the kids she was looking after.
Very commendable job but don't use other people's unfortunate position to promote how wonderful you are on social media.
Your friend was good to do what they did, but boasting about it takes away the genuineness of the act.

CosmicSpider Sat 28-Oct-17 21:09:45

I have a FB friend that does this ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I think they call it virtue seeking, although I prefer humblebrags, hahaha.

I totally agree that advertising what a kind/patient / generous /non judgemental you are, achieves exactly the opposite viewing from me. If you have to tell people how great you are, then you are obviously terrible.

ny20005 Sat 28-Oct-17 21:10:26

Humblebrags 🤣 love it !

Dozer Sat 28-Oct-17 21:11:48

An acquaintance occasionally posts about her enjoyment of doing “random acts of kindness”. Annoying.

pallisers Sat 28-Oct-17 21:14:26

another reason to add to the long list of why I am not on facebook.

feelslikearockandahardplace Sat 28-Oct-17 21:14:43

Totally agree with you

greenlanes Sat 28-Oct-17 21:15:35

Wow, I thought it was just me that hated this. I am on a local group and the admin is constantly doing this. I have caught her out in a couple of things whereas the acolytes lap it up. It is just bragging. If you want to help someone do it quietly,

allthecheese Sat 28-Oct-17 21:15:56

Yes. Guy recently on fb posted a picture of him and a homeless man who he had given his shoes to, with a 'you should all do the same and be as nice as me' style message. Argh. Nob.

SilentlyScreamingAgain Sat 28-Oct-17 21:16:28

These's no such thing as altruism, so the biologists, sociologist and religions types tell us.

The announcing a good deed on FB thing is intresting, it might be a good thing in and of itself. So many of us are so amazingly selfish, that it would seem that having a charitable thought or doing a charitable deed never crosses our minds, maybe being shown that we can boast about it afterwards will encourage us to be a bit nicer?

JustPutSomeGlitterOnIt Sat 28-Oct-17 21:16:36

Totes McGoats.

I'm always reminded if a bible passage when I see these. Something along the lines of the man who does his prayers/good deeds on the street for the world to see has had his reward.

KalaLaka Sat 28-Oct-17 21:16:59

YANBU. There's something in the bible about that, not letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing (prob misquoting...) let alone the whole of your friends list.

KalaLaka Sat 28-Oct-17 21:17:54


Gingernaut Sat 28-Oct-17 21:24:14

Witnessing and bigging up someone else's RAOK for someone other than you? Yes, acceptable. As long as both the giver and recipient of the act of kindness (AOK) are unknown to you and it wasn't set up in any way.

Telling everyone about how life was shit until a random stranger helped you unexpectedly? Yes. Acceptable. Whether an established friend of stranger, publicly thanking someone for a favour or an above and beyond AOK is a sweet thing to do. Pay it forward as well.

Telling everyone how you helped someone and keeping a beady eye on the account for the likes? No. Utterly unacceptable.

IndianaMoleWoman Sat 28-Oct-17 21:24:45

Urgh according to my Facebook the homeless population of Manchester must be drowning in free Boots meal deals and Big Macs. It’s so lacking in self awareness to brag about your good deeds online, completely defeats the object.

Then again I have a huge problem with conspicuous charitable behaviour, eg sponsored marathons, mud runs or whatever. If you want to give to charity, just do it without the fanfare and guilt trips for others.

firawla Sat 28-Oct-17 21:28:16

Yanbu I really dislike this too. I have someone on my Facebook who always posts about giving her stuff to the charity shop too, emphasising oh they were new in the box, aren’t I good blah blah - and people panda to her with that kind of reply too saying oh how kind of you, how good - meanwhile I’m sat thinking wtf, everyone gives things to the charity shop surely what’s the big deal! It’s very attention seeking

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