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WIBU not to step in more.

(7 Posts)
ILoveMyMonkey Fri 27-Oct-17 21:45:31

So I took my DS (aged 5) out to meet a school friend today at the local park. They are both in reception but did nursery together as well.

Well it was a fricking nightmare from start to finish. This kid was so boisterous and rough. He threw mud and leaves in DS's face. Kicked him. Hit him. Pushed, shoved. They did roly polys and then he jumped on DS's back, shoved his head. They were climbing up the banks and using tree roots to help them up and he was pulling DS's hands off the roots. There were more incidents.

The mum said nothing instead just looking at me and giving out bullshit phrases over and over again about how boys will be boys and they need to let off steam, they're still trying to figure out their own boundaries etc etc.

I did step in a couple of times, "no kicking, that's not kind!" And "stop pulling now and let DS climb up, if one of you falls from there it could be very dangerous" but I didn't step in too much even when DS was saying stop it, I don't want you to do that.

What kind of balance should there be? Should I have stepped in more? Feeling crap as obviously DS needs to know I'll stick up for him but at the same time I didn't want to piss off the other mum (although if the tables were turned I would have stepped in a lot more than she did and wouldn't have tolerated that kind of behaviour) and I obviously don't feel I could step in much more.

What would you do in this scenario?

Karmin Fri 27-Oct-17 21:58:34

I would have seen mum was not bothered and left after telling the other one off a couple of times which would have had no effect

CorbynsBumFlannel Fri 27-Oct-17 22:06:20

Same as above. If the parent is actually letting their child hit yours I wouldn’t be bothered about offending them as the play date wouldn’t be repeated.
Occasional hitting that was dealt with I could cope with but if it was constant and not being addressed I wouldn’t be encouraging the friendship.
There will be posters along soon suggesting that your child should be used as this kids punchbag in the name of inclusion though.

ILoveMyMonkey Fri 27-Oct-17 22:09:48

Thank you both. I must admit leaving didn't even occur to me but in hindsight you're right. I need to develop a backbone, and not feel the need to stick these things out for the sake of it.

The lack of input from her over the behaviour was quite shocking and even when he pushed his baby brother over (more than once making him cry) she said nothing.

CatsRidingRollercoasters Fri 27-Oct-17 23:08:41

I would have stepped in but I know it's sometimes easier said than done. We have a similar issue with a family we've known since antenatal. I've seen the dc shove and scream at other children. The other day he got right up in my dc's face and screamed, then went for the shove. Damn right I shouted "no!" and stepped between them as the mother looked on. My dc was attempting to share raisins at the time which made me sad.

Josieannathe2nd Fri 27-Oct-17 23:19:11

Step in. Admittedly it would take me a few pushes to realise there’s deliberate meanness going in rather than accidental injuries. But once I realise there’s a problem I revert back to treating them like toddlers and stay really close and intervene very quickly.

Telling all children (but knowing it’s directed at the other child) it’s a shame children keep gettting hurt. I’m sure none of you are doing it on purpose as that would be very bad behaviour and we will no longer be able to continue playing together.

I only threaten to go home if I really mean it but have in the past stood in between a child and mine and told them repletaedky that mine no longer wishes to play as they aren’t playing nicely. And repeat. In the past if the parents have been nice I have thought maybe it’s a one off and they were in a bad mood but as my children get older I’ve noticed that deliberate mean pushing behaviour (past toddlerhood) doesn’t change.

I think it’s important to model the behaviour you expect your kids to do- so when they can’t get stand up for themselves you need to show them how to do it.

It’s really hard though as I parent. I remember almost crying when a group of kids we’re deliberately leaving mine out and calling him names and even when their parents told them not to they carried on.

ILoveMyMonkey Sat 28-Oct-17 09:39:43

Thank you, yes your right. I did step in a few times (actually thought of some more occasions where I stepped in) but I guess I was worried about looking overanxious / too helicopter parent and guess at some point expected the mother to sort it.

At least if any more playdates (although not with this child) go in that direction then I know I wouldn't be unreasonable to step in as much as necessary and/or cut the play short.

Hate playdates, it's a minefield.

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