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Too get pregnant in probation?

(19 Posts)
WiccanWonder Fri 27-Oct-17 20:11:28

I need some advice because my hormones are all over my logical brain here, please be gentle as it's a sensitive subject,

I started a new job three months ago which I love. My old job I was constructively dismissed when I applied for a job with another company, in the same building. Think contractors on the same site, Providing similar services. I still have 6 months left of probation.

My DF and I have been together a while and have discussed the possibility of a child in the future. We already have children separately. My issue is my DS is 8, I don't want to big of an age gap. Or a much bigger one that I have now. I'm so painfully broody, I can't not look at baby stuff, I look at names, imagine what cot/Moses basket I want. It's bordering on unhealthy.

And the last time I tried to get pregnant I tried for 8 months. And it never happened, it was a previous abusive relationship and I've since discovered he's had another child so I assume it's me that's unable to conceive. It's making me so sad, I'm terrified of waiting until it's the ideal time will mean a longer wait for bad news. But then Sod's law says that I'll fall first time because the world is out to get me. I think there's never gonna be a time that's right and I need to just go for it. I'm terrified I'm infertile, and it makes me anxious. My GP won't refer me for tests because "I'm too young to be infertile" (28)

I suffer with aniexty disorder if you can't tell, and it makes things like this hell for me. I need to get a grip don't I.

Has anyone been pregnant on probation and kept their job?

Am I being reckless with our other children's well being if I do this without job security?

harlandgoddard Fri 27-Oct-17 20:19:59

Do you mean you’re worried they won’t keep you on if you’re pregnant? You could just not tell them until you start showing.

YellowMakesMeSmile Fri 27-Oct-17 20:26:17

I'd pass probation first. If your other child is already 8, not wanting a large age gap has already passed.

Whilst legally they can't do anything, a new employer is likely to be unhappy they have employed someone who won't be staying for long. if you like the job and want to return after maternity leave, don't sour the relationship so soon.

MimiSunshine Fri 27-Oct-17 20:27:14

In all honesty I think your desperation to have a baby it’s making you irrational. Your DS is 8 years old, even if you got pregnant tomorrow, he’d likely be 9 by the time of the birth and just about in his teens by the time the baby was able to really play with him.

So what really does another 6 months to a year make to start trying? The age large age gap is already there. Your DS will likely love any future child but play mates they won’t be.
You’ll be a better position in Work in 6 months time and think it of it as time to get your body as healthy as possible, start taking pre-pregnancy vitamins/ folic acid etc. I’m not saying vitamins can cure infertility but it won’t hurt and you don’t know you’re infertile and will help you feel
Like you’re doing something

BarbarianMum Fri 27-Oct-17 20:32:30

I once got pregnant on my first week in a new job (celebratory shag). blush I had, to the day, exactly enough time at work to receive their maternity package - which was embarrassing. I can't say my employer was thrilled but i kept the job, which was a two year contract.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Fri 27-Oct-17 20:35:27

Can't you wait a few months OP ? Six months is nothing and start TTC then . Have some time off from it all

BoomBoomBoomBoooom Fri 27-Oct-17 20:39:53

GP won't refer you because you haven't been trying at all let alone trying for the required amount of time. You've had a child so thats a positive on the fertility chart. Sometimes it just doesn't work for certain couples- that might have been you and ex. 8 months isn't even that long anyway.

How long have you been with your partner? You said you'd discussed a child in the future, to me that would mean years. What is his opinion?

smu06set Fri 27-Oct-17 20:39:54

Do what I did - middle ground. I had my coil out with 3 months of probation left. I didn't get pregnant for 5 months so I get my full maternity pay, but I wouldn't have minded if I caught first month. Plus it's relatively easy to hide a 12 week bump, not so much a 24 week one!

KathArtic Fri 27-Oct-17 20:47:33

Is it wise to have another child if you suffer from anxiety?

Why not settle yourself into your work (at least so you qualify for mat leave) and build your career, and get your anxiety under control. This is especially important if you have already been in an abusive relationship.

YouCantArgueWithStupid Fri 27-Oct-17 20:47:33

I fell pregnant 4 weeks before the end of my probation. Area manager wasn’t best pleased when I told him at 16 weeks but I will be returning to work

Gazelda Fri 27-Oct-17 20:49:32

What does your DP think?
If he’s in agreement, why don’t you look at the next 6 months as An opportunity to get finances and budget sorted and both of you into the best health possible (diet, fitness etc). Then you can hit the ground running as soon as you’ve passed probation!

I wouldn’t do it. Although legally they can’t sack you for being pregnant etc they could make it hard for you to pass your probation. I would wait it out. It’s not too far away and 8-months isn’t that long to try for a baby

deepestdarkestperu Fri 27-Oct-17 21:04:10

Honestly, I would wait.

While they can't sack you for being pregnant, it's highly likely they won't be very pleased and if you're still in your probation, it would be relatively easy to get rid of you for other reasons.

Six months is nothing. I have a colleague who was pregnant recently (baby now here) and she told our boss the day after she passed her probation - she'd known since she started and didn't tell work until she was 16 weeks. While she kept her job, it wasn't looked upon very professionally and I think she did herself a massive disservice.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Fri 27-Oct-17 21:09:30

If you're asking your gp to arrange tests for infertility when you're not even trying for a baby, it sounds like now would be a good time to try and get your anxiety under control. It definitely does not sound like a good time to have a baby.

HolyShmoly Fri 27-Oct-17 21:24:39

Emma Cannon's Baby Making Bible and I think a few other books have a plan that takes three months to apparently get everything 'primed' to conceive.
Why don't you take this month to make sure you and your DP are on the same page in terms of having a baby, then the next three months working on your fertility, taking folic acid, etc. Then you can start TTC with 2/3 months left in your probation. It gives you something to focus on right now, and even if you do end up falling first time you only have a short time left in your probation period.

LivLemler Sat 28-Oct-17 13:53:22

I'm pregnant in my probation period, but it's a three year probation and I'm 33 so I wasn't waiting. In your shoes I'd wait at least 3 months as others have said - take folic acid, maybe track ovulation etc.

TipsNotHacks Sat 28-Oct-17 13:59:20

I think you need to stop worrying. You have a child and you only took 8 months to get pregnant, absolutely no time at all. Your probationary period is very long, what line of work are you in?

makemyminduptime Sat 28-Oct-17 14:05:25

Given that you're 28, I'd probably wait the 6 months. Take your vitamins, come off the pill if you're on it (and use another form of protection!), and maybe even do a few months of ovulation testing to check you're ovulating and when. You still have lots of time to go through fertility tests and treatment should the worst case scenario happen and you need to go down that route.

If you were 35 or 36 I'd say the opposite.

Warhammerwidow89 Sat 28-Oct-17 23:33:26

Thank you for your replies everyone.

I will check those books out, and make a plan. I know my DP and I are on the same page, we discussed it early on, and had the conversation last week.

It didn't take me 8 months to fall pregnant, I didn't fall pregnant at all during the ttc stage. I ended the relationship with my then partner because of his emotional abuse. So I guess that's where my fear of being infertile comes from there was no conclusion. And he has gone on to have a new baby, so my illogical brain now thinks it must be me.

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