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To want assertiveness training??

(5 Posts)
Sotuko Fri 27-Oct-17 15:34:02

I'm ridiculously passive to the point where everyone takes the piss out of me and I get walked over right left and centre. I feel guilty over the most ridiculous things (didn't report my childhood abuser as an adult as I worried about upsetting him for example!!) and I've been abused by numerous men because I just can't stick up for myself. A recent example was a bloke who made it quite clear that he wanted to have an affair with me and I just couldn't tell him where to go through fear of looking mean/nasty/bitchy etc. Obviously to him this gave him the green light to continue making suggestive comments, rude suggestions (for example saying he wondered what I'd be like in bed with my weak joints that pop out of place etc) and it carried on until I gave up the hobby he was teaching.

Once in ASDA an employee ran at me with a crate trolley and was unable to stop it in time before it crashed into my back knocking me flying. She stood there, asked if I was ok and laughed!!! And soft twat here said I was fine and told her not to worry before pulling back the tears and carrying on with my shopping. She continued to laugh.

Why the fuck am I so soft and ridiculous? I used to do karate (before quitting due to Pervy instructor) and have recently took it back up. My new instructor is a hard arse and knocks me about a bit but I feel it actually helps. He says his mission is to toughen me up as I'm lovely but soft as shit. I look forward to these classes and I feel my confidence increasing but it's not enough. I want/need to get to the point where I can say to someone "actually, no that's not ok".

What about assertiveness classes? Has anyone tried them? What else can I do? I know we shouldn't try and change who we are but I'm sick of being such an absolute joke.

Minidoghugs Fri 27-Oct-17 15:41:42

You say you were abused as a child and I think this has led to you having very low self esteem to the point you always value yourself way less than everyone, even random strangers who have hurt you. I think you actually need some therapy to counteract this and build your self esteem back up.

Sotuko Fri 27-Oct-17 15:43:57

I agree, I've been thinking I need counselling for a while now. How do I go about this?

RangeTesKopeks Fri 27-Oct-17 19:48:13

flowers for you OP - really sorry to hear about your situation.

In terms of getting counselling, you can either look for private counsellors in your area (which may be a bit pricey), or you can have free counselling on the NHS (if you make an appointment with your GP, they'll be able to refer you to your local counselling service). Whether you go private or use the NHS, do make sure that you find the right counsellor for you, even if it makes changing counsellors a few times. Hope this helps. Keep posting flowers

RangeTesKopeks Fri 27-Oct-17 19:48:55

*even if it means changing counsellors

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