Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

Is it real or..?

116 replies

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:12

I met this guy just over 7 months ago. We are in two different continents.
I'm 25 and he is 37.
We talk all the time, video chat a lot, we text all day. We just love updating each other and making fun of each other. We laugh together and cry and we talk about all sorts of stuff. We both don't care about the age gap, and even though we haven't physically met, I have never been so sexually attracted to anyone.
So in a different scenario this would be an ideal relationship. He has been begging to come see me but I'm so scared that all this perfection shatters and it's not as great as I hoped.
The other thing is I find it strange that he hasn't had a relationship longer than two years, and only in about 3 relationships in his lifetime. All of which he had his heart broken. AIBU? Or is it normal? He is Christian and he is a very respectful gentleman so I don't know.
And he has had quite a few jobs in his life and now he is starting his own business.

I'm worried that he is afraid of commitment with his job changes and his relationship history. Although nothing else he does makes me think this way. He says he has never met someone who he can see a future with before, and the things I shared with him would send anyone running, but he stayed and said he will be supportive no matter what.

I'm taking very small tiny steps but not fully investing emotionally. As much as I want to I'm scared. What should I do?

OP posts:

Report

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:13

Sorry I met him online

OP posts:

MrsJamin · 27/10/2017 07:15

You need to meet him!

speakout · 27/10/2017 07:17

we haven't physically met

I glazed over at that point.

People can be anyone they like online.

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:18

@speakout you think he can lie about all that stuff?

OP posts:

ArgyMargy · 27/10/2017 07:19

Unfortunately this has all the signs of a scam.

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:20

Please elaborate I don't understand

OP posts:

KinkyAfro · 27/10/2017 07:23

Where are you both from?

speakout · 27/10/2017 07:24

Lucyyati all I am saying is that you don't know him.

Like a teenager developing a crush on a celebrity.

In RL a guy may have anger management issues, he may stink like a pig, be selfish, erupt under pressure, be an alcoholic, prioritise other family members above his partner etc.

I would say tread cautiously. It's very easy to pin our own hopes dreams and desires onto someone that we have never met.
People we have never met have the superpower of being close to perfection.
But that is a manifestation of our dreams, and usually not reality.

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:24

@kinkyafro U.S. And South Africa

OP posts:

StickThatInYourPipe · 27/10/2017 07:27

Is he asking you to pay for him to visit?

TroysMammy · 27/10/2017 07:27

He's starting up his own new business. He will need money to fund that.

PippaPug · 27/10/2017 07:29

Fake

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:30

@speakout yes I test him a lot because I don't want to be fooled. But he has never shown one sign of anger even though we have argued. I'm the snappy one. I've seen his room almost every day and he's super tidy lol. But yes I do need to be super careful.

And guys he has never asked me for anything. He has posted gifts to me, I have sent him nothing.

OP posts:

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:32

In fact he is willing to get me a plane ticket. I just haven't said yes.

OP posts:

speakout · 27/10/2017 07:34

I test him a lot because I don't want to be fooled

OP you haven't met this guy.

You can't love him. You may not even be sexually attracted to him in real life.

Devilishpyjamas · 27/10/2017 07:35

Is he wealthy South African? Or poor? (Huge range in South Africa). Could he afford to come & see you?

It may be real (I know some online success stories) but if there is a disparity in your wealth you would be wise to be very careful.

AgentProvocateur · 27/10/2017 07:38

Has he asked you for money yet? Because if he’s not, he soon will. You sound quite gullible, OP. The internet is full of scammers preying on any hint of weakness

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:39

I have never asked directly about his wealth, but he seems to be more comfortable than I am lol! Yes he can afford to come see me. He's waiting for me to be ready

OP posts:

speakout · 27/10/2017 07:42

I can guarantee that once he wins your confidence he will be offering you a wonderful opportunity to invest in his new business.

expatinscotland · 27/10/2017 07:44

In answer to your question, nope, it's not real.

Pickleypickles · 27/10/2017 07:45

If you really want to see him and hez not trying to get you to pay for it then i would let him come but set some very strict guidelines like he has to rent a hotel not stay at your house and i would also keep a very open mind. Have you ever watched catfish?

speakout · 27/10/2017 07:51

OP I am sorry if some of us sound harsh, but just trying to give some honest advice.

I have never been so sexually attracted to anyone.

this would be an ideal relationship

This is a man you have never met.

Most women meeting a man online may be interested, may meet, but not be so invested in a stranger.

Sounds like you are a little naiive and gullible, or this guy is very calculating and know exactly what he is doing.

At least you are feeling some caution otherwise you would not have posted here.

It may work out, you may have met a life partner, but until you meet him and start to get to know him then you have no idea.

Until then do not give him any money. No loan, no flights, no business opportunity.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/10/2017 07:52

I hope it is real.

It can feel very real. Not quite the same but I spoke to someone online when I was a teen. I thought I was completely in love with him. In reality, I was just in love with the idea of him. As other posters have said, I didn’t know him other than what he chose to tell me.

You say you have told him things that would make most run away. So why has he stayed?

FittonTower · 27/10/2017 07:53

It's not necessarily a scam, people do meet on the internet. A friend of mine met a bloke like this from the other side of the world and he didn't ask her for a penny. He was a bit of a prick as it turns out but that was just him, rather than a scam.
Right to be cautious tho, it very often is a scam.

Lucyyati · 27/10/2017 07:54

Yes I watch a lot of catfish hence the caution.
And he already said he would stay in a hotel. And he's happy to just meet for lunch or whatever. I know he also wants to have sex, but whatever happens has to be on my terms and I made that clear to him.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.