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child with disability

(12 Posts)
gg1234 Fri 27-Oct-17 00:54:30

Recently during a play date at the local children activity centre a mother got a child with a mental health issue.( Mind it I really respect the women who face such a difficult situation ).The child was very aggressive and physical .My child got frightened and didn't wanted to play with him but I suggested him to share his toys and read a book together .My child best friend was also there and so they both got along and started reading together to which the Mother says X said that they should all read together .So my child along with his friend and this child say X1 sat together but as things progressed X1 started hitting my child and throwing books here and there .My child started crying .The mother was very rude and instead of an apology said that I should understand and be reasonable and still allow child X1 to play with my kid. I said no since he is crying he wont play to which she responded saying " I should be reasonable".The mother clearly could see that the child was hitting another children and distrupting there play but made no attempt to stop it .I was very upset .She is a a regular visitor to the children play centre and it happens most of the times AIBU if I ask her the next time she comes to see if her child doesnt hit anyone and ask her to not allow to play atleast with my kid ifchild X1 is very aggressive . Whats the best way to communicate ?I can understand her situation as well

regards

Gg

Whosamawotsits Fri 27-Oct-17 02:36:59

She was bang out of order there!
As a mother of a Ds with ASD who is aggressive at times, it is her responsibility to see that X1 is not harming others and if such a situation arises that X1 is removed from it until they are at a point of calm.
I know my boys triggers and can 90% of the time see when he is getting to a point where he needs to be removed from whatever is going on to avoid anyone other than myself and him being in the firing line. However unfortunately there are times he is unpredictable and others have met his rage. If most people we had met excluded him over one bad episode then he would be a lonely child and make already hard social situations practically impossible. This isn't X1s fault however the mother needs a better grip on these outbursts as they arise.
As far as how to communicate I have no idea, this is hard, frustrating and upsetting, lord knows how X1s mum is coping or of she has any help with strategies and these violent episodes so it could be a rough conversation from any angle!

VinIsGroot Fri 27-Oct-17 03:41:25

Mum to two kids with asd... They'd be removed until behaviours improved and told they were being naughty verbally and using makaton!
DS2 Can be very aggressive ....but also please remember social situations are very difficult for these kids and they find it difficult to communicate....hitting out is usually communication. Mum should have taken child and found out why he was sooooo unhappy.
Please remember though...sometimes in these social situations...all we want to be is accepted by neurotypical parents and we want our children to be accepted too.
Take mum to coffee one day and sat .... I don't like my child being hurt ..how can we work together to make DC understand each other!!!

Plus they are only toddlers.

Caprinihahahaha Fri 27-Oct-17 04:04:39

It's not a drama . Just remove your child and say your child don't play if there is any risk they will be hurt

rightknockered Fri 27-Oct-17 12:53:50

I have 3 with autism and regularly remove them from situations when problems arise. I think the best solution for you is to remove your child from that situation and leave the mother to handle her own children.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 27-Oct-17 13:02:43

The mother was out of order, expecting your DS to play with her kid who was being aggressive, instead of addressing her DS behaviour. Instead blamed it on you and DS.

I would have been more firm, X is being aggressive towards ds, noway does he have to play with your DS. My main responsibility is towards my DS.

rightknockered Fri 27-Oct-17 13:05:58

Can I ask how you know the child has a 'mental health issue'?
Or did you just come to that conclusion yourself, based on your own observation? Could it be that the child is just not as well behaved as your's and not as socially capable? It doesn't mean he has ASD.

Misspollyhadadollie Fri 27-Oct-17 13:11:36

Here we go again with a badly behaved child and everyone saying it's autism despite the op not even mentioning autism!!

Siarie Fri 27-Oct-17 13:12:56

My dd has SN and tends to push children away who come into her personal space. We are working on as best we can to change this behaviour but she is very little and has a range of sensory and development concerns.

I would expect the parents of any child to actively correct behaviour even if it still happens again anyway. If a parent does not then I'd be happy to do so on their behalf and explain why I was doing so if challenged.

rightknockered Fri 27-Oct-17 13:49:38

But how does the OP know the child has SN or autism?
She doesn't
This is just another anti -SN thread.
I call bollocks

gg1234 Sat 28-Oct-17 00:58:16

RIGHT KNOCKERED : My child's best friend mother knows X mother very well and she told me that child X1 has mental health issues .It's not anti SN thread but I just wanted to know what's the best way to behave in a polite manner.

gg1234 Sat 28-Oct-17 01:02:27

I Really like the views expressed in this thread of taking mother to coffee and asking her what's the best way we can help. Thank you

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