To think this bill shouldn't have been split 4 ways

[stillpinching]

I had lunch today with two colleagues - one who, like me is a teacher and the other is a TA (this is relevant).

The other teacher and I both have toddlers and the TA has two children who are teens. The original plan had been an adults only meal, but my childcare fell through and then the other teacher said she would bring her son for mine to play with, and then the TA said she would bring her 14 year old. Tbh, I was a bit put out because her 14 year old attends our school and her being there would limit our ability to gossip . However, I knew it was me who had messed up the adults only thing to begin with so didn't say anything.

The place we went to was a tapas type place where you order a number of dishes, rather than individual meals. DS (2) eats very well and easily ate the most of the three 'children' present . The 14 yr old ate the least, but did request a biggish desert which was described as being for sharing. We all had a little but she had the most having really just picked at the other dishes.

We had a nice time and then the bill came. The other teacher immediately grabbed it and said we're splitting it four ways, no? TA queried it and was told that as her child was more or less an adult this was fair. She pointed out that her daughter had eaten little, but this was brushed aside and the desert was mentioned as having raised the cost. I hate confrontation, but at this point ds was playing up anyway and then before I knew it TA had put money down and stormed out with her daughter.

I am mortified that she has effectively subsidised us having had to pay half the bill while we paid a quarter each, and, aside from anything else, she is paid about half the amount that we both are. I have messaged her but she hasn't replied (not unusual for her tbh) but AIBU to think this wasn't right and to think we should reimburse her on Monday?

[HollyandBrambles]

YANBU, unless it was really really expensive I would have split it 3 ways

[Caulk]

I don’t think it was right, but it’s happened now. I would speak to the other teacher and say that, with hindsight you don’t think it was the right thing to do and that you want to reimburse the TA.

Was it likely the other teacher was miffed that the teenager was there?

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

I’m not sure what I’d do in that situation. Seems like the children all ate similar amounts but if I was splitting a bill I would probably count teens as adults and wouldn’t necessarily notice what people hadn’t eaten. Hard to just pay for what you’ve had as well if you were sharing dishes.
I hate awkwardness over bills though and it sounds as though the other teacher was out of order making demands rather than asking how it should be split.
If you feel you didn’t pay your fair share it would be nice to offer to reimburse your friend or get her a drink or something.
I wouldn’t fancy eating out with teacher friend again a she sounds embarrassing!

[Skarossinkplunger]

Sorry. I agree with the Teacher. I hate it when I eat out in a party with Children and the bill is split between the children. I’m not subsidising your children!

[AvoidingDM]

I wouldn't have split it that way either. It should have been 3rds between the adults.

Long term it would even out. My friends kids are much older than mine. She would offer to pay more but I alway feel 50/50 is fair regardless of the kids. Party because I have more disposable income and they'll come a day when hers are too big to go out with us but mine will still be.

[Skarossinkplunger]

Sorry that’s meant to say I hate it when the bill is split between the adults.

[MrsPestilence]

Pay the TA your bit of the bill and apologise. Give the other teacher hell, away from the TA.
The teenager being there was a bit of a pain, but such is life.
Trust your moral standards.

[Skarossinkplunger]

But why should everyone else have to pay to feed someone’s 14 year old?

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

I was in Canada recently and had a meal with a woman. She just said 'separate checks' and we each paid our own. It seemed much easier than the way we do it with splitting bills and arguing about it.

[Bubblebubblepop]

The other teacher is tight and behaved like a twat. Cringe

[RadioGaGoo]

Yes but why did the TA have to pay for the OP's DC, who ate more?

[Skarossinkplunger]

See I think it’s a bit entitled to expect other people to pay for your child.

[Bubblebubblepop]

"Today 22:44 Skarossinkplunger

But why should everyone else have to pay to feed someone’s 14 year old?"

Why should everyone else pay to feed someone's 2 year old? It's just life

[Witchend]

I would suspect she brought her 14yo as childcare for the younger pair. So she's paid to provide you with child care.

[RadioGaGoo]

All three of them had children there.

[Skarossinkplunger]

I think the bill should have been split between 5.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

You can’t do separate bills if someone has eaten 2/3 of a dish and someone else has eaten 1/3. How would the waiting staff know?
By the sound of it splitting the bill 3 ways would have been fairest. But it’s would seem odd to class a teen (even one who doesn’t eat much) as a child. Was the teacher friend peeves because her child ate very little maybe?

[RadioGaGoo]

Split between five. Get your purse our two year old.

[Floralnomad]

I'd work out what the third would have been and give her your share of the difference , apologise and tell her you wish you had spoken up at the time . If you were splitting including children , then all should have been included particularly as her dd didn't eat much .

[VodkaPenne]

So you all had children?

Then it’s split three ways! The age of the child/teenager isn’t really important here as (like you said) toddlers can eat a hell of a lot.

You have to do some serious apologising to your friend with the teen and tell your other friend she was out of line.

I am saying that as (if it were me) I would have been mortified and probably thought you were dealing with your toddler as a cover for not standing up for what you thought. A bit like the person who always goes to the loo when it’s their round I guess! You were distracted at the time she needed you.

I hope you can explain and reimburse your friend.

[Theimpossiblegirl]

Seeming as TAs are paid a pittance in comparison to teachers, this must have been very upsetting for her. The other teacher was tight and you really should have spoken up. I bet this is the last time you'll all be going anywhere together.

[ShockedSick]

It's not like the 14 year old can pay for herself so why should be be classed as an adult

[DoJo]

If your son ate more than or as much as her daughter, then you should have agreed with her at the time! She's probably annoyed that you left her to be the one looking 'tight' when, by your own admission, you should have paid the same as her at least.

[Tilapia]

Skaross did you read the bit about the 14yo eating less than the 2yo?

[Sunshineface123]

Should’ve just been split into 3, especially as her child ate the least! Also pretty mean your teacher friend didn’t take into account the TA will be on significantly less £ than her. I’d take the TA out separately to make up for it and ditch the other friend.