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DP driving me crazy

(3 Posts)
Spellingbeez Thu 26-Oct-17 21:34:26

We have two children under five and our eldest is autistic. Home life is hard. My kids are my life but my autistic child is demanding and aggressive and my day revolves around stopping meltdowns and keeping him away from his sibling. Cooking and cleaning are extremely difficult as my son needs constant supervision to keep him and his sibling safe.
My DP is useless. He doesn't cook and complains about the meals I make. He doesn't clean the house and says he doesn't have time (he works full time but there are plenty of working parents who manage this). He only does things when asked never off his own back and even then it's only when he wants to. He says weekends are his break but doesn't appreciate that I need one too.
I get angry and resentful. Sometimes just the sight of him sitting there doing nothing sends me into a frenzy. I will rush around doing chores around him whilst he just sits there. When I question him he says he is watching the kids, he isn't he is in the sofa, just sitting there, not interacting with them literally just say there.
Occasionally I explode. I'm overworked, overtired and under appreciated. I will scream at him for being lazy and selfish. He will scream back that it's my choice to run around doing the chores. This doesn't even make sense to me.
When we row it will always be fault. He doesn't want to hug me because I shout at him. He doesn't want to help me because he doesn't want to be around me. The house is a mess because I'm messy. He isn't supportive because he doesn't like me most of the time. I shouldn't bother cooking (most stressful time of day for me) because my dinners are awful. It just goes on. He will never just say I'm sorry or better yet say nothing and just get off his arse and help. If I get mad he just responds by getting madder. There's an answer and an excuse for everything and he never steps up.
We have two kids. We have been together for half my life. I love him although I really don't know why anymore. I know I can do this on my own because hell I am anyway but I don't want to. I want him there. I want him to do the easy thing and step up and help round the house and support me emotionally but he won't. It's something so basic and so stupid to give a relationship up over but if he won't do it what choices does he leave me?

Neverender Thu 26-Oct-17 22:10:25

He doesn’t sound very nice or very helpful. Didn’t want to read and run but it appears that you’ve become a bit of a doormat and he doesn’t appreciate you?

What would happen if you just didn’t cook him dinner? Are there any consequences to he things he says/does? It sounds shit!

InspMorse Thu 26-Oct-17 22:29:56

'weekends are his break'
Nope.
Your DH needs something explaining to him - weekends are when working parents do household chores and look after their children.
After decades several years of training encouragement, my DH now has set tasks that he does without being asked to do.
1) The big shopping with a list
2) The bins - empty & put out
3) The dishwasher - his job entirely
4) hoovering
5) fill cars with petrol
6) iron his own shirts ( nothing else belonging to him gets ironed) & DC's uniforms
7) Make his own lunches
8) Clean windows
I just stopped doing this stuff when I had DC. In case you're wondering, I do stuff too!
1) All drop off & pick ups for DC
2) Cleaning of kitchen/ bathroom & toilets
3) All finances
4) All cooking
5) Tidying & minimal hoovering
6) All laundry but ironing only for me & DC home clothes

He needs to get it into his head that whilst he is at work, you are busy with DCs.

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