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To feel used by family

(29 Posts)
reddevil22 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:00:57

So this week Sat - Thurs I have been staying with and looking after my 2 nephews 4 and 6, my brother and SIL asked if i could travel to see them as its half term and they need help with childcare.
We have done a few fun activities together and I have really enjoyed looking after them. Yesterday my SIL spoke quite rudely to me about something basically treating me like I'm one of her staff. I didn't confront her about it as I didn't want to argue in front of the boys. Later that night my brother made a comment and I told him I didn't like the way SIL spoke to me. He said he doesn't blame her as I have just had a free holiday and had all my meals cooked for me. I said that I have looked after the boys for them so its hardly a free holiday to which he replied so you should you are their aunt.
I feel really hurt I enjoyed spending time with my nephews but now feel like I they didn't want me there to spend quality time with them just to use me.
AIBU to feel so upset about this?

Santawontbelong Thu 26-Oct-17 20:02:23

Next holidays make sure you aren't so available. .

Ausparent Thu 26-Oct-17 20:03:09

Yeah they are being dicks.
Not sure what to add...

shushpenfold Thu 26-Oct-17 20:05:53

This will continue if you let it; they clearly think that they are doing you a favour rather than vice versa. Xx

AhNowTed Thu 26-Oct-17 20:07:04

Cheeky fucker strikes again

Battleax Thu 26-Oct-17 20:07:25

They sound awful. Really demanding and self-centred.

honeylulu Thu 26-Oct-17 20:09:39

Free holiday??? Free nanny more like!

Appuskidu Thu 26-Oct-17 20:10:49

They are being horrible and are using you. Perhaps they should pay for childcare in future then they can dictate their own terms.

Did you have to take time off work for this?

DelphiniumBlue Thu 26-Oct-17 20:11:22

They are mean!
I've noticed some people think if they tell you something is the case, it makes it so, and they are trying to do this to you. It's very rude, you'd think they'd be grateful for your help. especially as they asked you to do it!
It wouldn't hurt to make it clear that it is not a free holiday for you, and they would have had to pay near enough a hundred pounds a day for child care had you not helped them out. I'm shocked at your brother's attitude when you brought up SIL's comment with him.

DamnSummerCold Thu 26-Oct-17 20:12:03

Don't do it again.

I used to do this for my Sis/BIL, if I took the DN's anywhere they would pay for them and try to pay for me.

I was always invited to stay for dinner; or taken out and nice stuff in the fridge for lunch etc.

Thats how you treat someone who is most likely saving them a fortune in child care.

Tell them when you leave that you will not be free at their convenience any more.

MinervaSaidThar Thu 26-Oct-17 20:12:23

ungrateful twats. I wouldn't be doing them anymore favours.

BenLui Thu 26-Oct-17 20:15:14

Never babysit for them again. Even if you had been there just for a holiday it’s terrible to be rude to a guest.

reddevil22 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:16:35

Appuskidu yeah I had to take 2 days of my holiday entitlement.

I agree with you all I'm not going to make myself available again I just feel so sad because it means I can't spend time with my nephews which I love doing.

BenLui Thu 26-Oct-17 20:19:28

Of course you can spend time with them! You can visit just refuse to be in sole charge.

ButchyRestingFace Thu 26-Oct-17 20:19:41

He said he doesn't blame her as I have just had a free holiday and had all my meals cooked for me. I said that I have looked after the boys for them so its hardly a free holiday to which he replied so you should you are their aunt.

And then you called him a **** *** ***** £$!?!& cunt and walked out, right?

Right???

bemore Thu 26-Oct-17 20:20:43

As someone who often relied on my family for childcare during holidays, I would never have dreamed of speaking to them like this!
They were doing ME a favour not the other way about! If I were you, I wouldn't be so keen to help at their house next time, maybe have the kids to you but on your terms?
(And tell your brother not to be such a dick)

flutterby12 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:21:58

Cheeky fuckers. I cannot believe the audacity of some people!

Madwoman5 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:24:08

Time to go home. No more favours from you, then

Level75 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:26:53

Are you still there or back home now?

Appuskidu Thu 26-Oct-17 20:27:08

Do they know what a holiday is?!

Would they spend their precious holiday looking after other people's children??

reddevil22 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:28:51

Level 75 - Im home now

Gemini69 Thu 26-Oct-17 20:36:11

never be available again... you can see the boys at social events etc..
not as their permanent unpaid Childminder/Nanny flowers

Ilove Thu 26-Oct-17 20:37:37

I'm a nanny. I charge £12/h and entry fees/meals out on top.

Give them a bill

FetchezLaVache Thu 26-Oct-17 20:40:57

I agree with Delphinium - my ExH used to do this sort of thing (e.g. constantly tell me that he didn't respect my work, because I sit at a desk to do it and it contains no manual element - so that he didn't have to show me any gratitude for earning 90% of the household income). IME, it needs impressing upon them that YOU were the one doing THEM the favour, taking annual leave to do it, not the other way round. Cheeky, entitled pair of twats.

FizzyGreenWater Thu 26-Oct-17 20:41:01

'Oh I'm so sorry I won't be able to come and help look after them next half term, no. I just don't seem to have it in me to be grateful enough for the free holiday, y'know? I know that upset poor SIL last time and I relaly don't want to have to see her poor innocent face looking so hurt ever again... so I'll do the decent thing and stay home, and you will just have to find a holiday nanny smile

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