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Do I need to cancel my wedding?

(208 Posts)
Haggishappens Thu 26-Oct-17 18:30:33

FIL has cancer, diagnosed 4 weeks ago as untreatable and there's nothing they can do, he was given 4-8 months.

We were due to get married in April but obviously moved the wedding forward as fast as we could, which was to this weekend.

Problem is, in the last 48 hours FIL has gone from fully functioning to bed bound and a bit confused. He's lost the strength in his legs completely and he's very weak.

DP wants the wedding to go ahead but I'm not sure if we should cancel?

FIL probably won't be well enough to attend and the whole reason for moving it forward was so he could be there sad

Haven't spoken to MIL about it as they have much much more important things to think about, so should we cancel or go ahead? What if he doesn't make it? How do you even cancel a wedding at this stage?

Help sad

WhataHexIgotinto Thu 26-Oct-17 18:35:00

I would go ahead with the wedding. It will be incredibly sad if he's not there but at least he'll know you are married. When my sister got married we set up a camera to a laptop at my grandma's and the wedding was streamed to it. My nan and grandad were too I'll to attend but they got it see her get married that way. We even got them buttonholes. I'm so sorry, what a difficult time for you all.

Nanny0gg Thu 26-Oct-17 18:35:03

Any chance he could attend the ceremony in a wheelchair?

I think you should broach it with MiL as you would both want him to be there if possible.

WhataHexIgotinto Thu 26-Oct-17 18:35:26


MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 26-Oct-17 18:35:32

Your poor FIL - I hope he's as comfortable as he can be and that everyone sticks together to cope with his death.


On a practical note, how many people will be there and how much would it cost you to cancel/postpone?

How much would it cost your guests, eg hotels, time off work?

On an emotional note, I would marry when you're all happier rather than now when everyone will be upset at his absence. Your MIL won't be able to enjoy it, knowing he's unwell. She'll probably want to be with him anyway.

BeanCalledPickle Thu 26-Oct-17 18:35:35

Do you have wedding insurance?

SemperTemper Thu 26-Oct-17 18:36:37

I'm really sorry that you and your family are going through this.

If you don't think he can make it on the day, can you have a small ceremony in his hospital room/room or garden of his home/wherever he is? It doesn't have to be legally binding, or even conducted by a real celebrant. You could fake it to make him feel like he's been a part of your wedding.

It's surely too late to cancel. Good luck.

BeanCalledPickle Thu 26-Oct-17 18:37:13

Sorry that’s crass. But is an important practical question. Covers cancellation if you can’t go ahead because of the health of someone on whom the wedding depends. Would only cover your actual loses. Doesn’t cover incidentals like your guests expenses etc

Peeetle Thu 26-Oct-17 18:37:16

I’d do it and go to the hospital for his blessing afterwards.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Thu 26-Oct-17 18:38:53

Firstly, I'm so sorry. Sadly I can answer this from personal experience. If you possibly can, you should go ahead. FIL is not going to be able to be there whether you go ahead now or later, but if you cancel now then FIL & MIL will likely feel guilty on top of everything else. My dad's last words were to ask me to please still have my wedding, so if your DP wants to then you should.

Haggishappens Thu 26-Oct-17 18:41:01

No insurance, had it for the original wedding but couldn't get cover for this one as it was so last minute. We'll lose about £3k if we cancel I guess? Wedding is on Sunday, we have a guest coming from the Netherlands who's flights are booked but everyone else is UK based and could probably cancel. The money is a lot to us but that's not really a factor in the question if that makes sense?

We could get him there in a wheelchair for the ceremony probably if he's well enough but it's whether or not that will be too much for him to cope with?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Thu 26-Oct-17 18:41:30

As your DP wants to go ahead and it is his dad who is ill, I wouldn’t cancel.

I’m so sorry you’re all going through this flowers

oldlaundbooth Thu 26-Oct-17 18:42:27

Don't cancel, I'm sure your FIL would prefer you to just go ahead.

beepboopbeep Thu 26-Oct-17 18:42:39

Go ahead with the wedding. smile

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Thu 26-Oct-17 18:43:22

Just let your FIL decide on the day, about whether he attends or not.

Haggishappens Thu 26-Oct-17 18:43:37

DP says he thinks FIL will feel awful if we cancel hence why he wants to go ahead. It's just going to be a really tough day for DP sad

AuntieStella Thu 26-Oct-17 18:44:31

I think as it's DP's father, you go with your DP's wishes on this one.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Thu 26-Oct-17 18:46:27

It will be tough sad but even if you cancel, it will be tough for him then also. This way, his dad may be there.

thinkingaboutfostering Thu 26-Oct-17 18:47:11

Do you have any technical friends who could set up a video link. My cousin got married abroad a few years ago and set up a live link for those of us who were unable to travel. He wouldn't be with you but could potentially still see you get married?

LoniceraJaponica Thu 26-Oct-17 18:47:15

Can you have Skype on during the ceremony?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Thu 26-Oct-17 18:48:55

I know someone who was in the same situation. They brougjt the wedding forward but unfortunately the brides father died the week before. She went ahead, her Mum walked her down the aisle, there were lots of tears but she doesn’t regret going ahead. Her dad really wanted her to do it.

Namechangetempissue Thu 26-Oct-17 18:49:47

I would go ahead and see if a video link can be set up or visit him immediately following the ceremony if you can so he can see you in your wedding outfits and enjoy some time with you. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to cancel flowers

Sprinklestar Thu 26-Oct-17 18:51:13

I'd go for it. He might rally.

Gingernaut Thu 26-Oct-17 18:52:53

Have the wedding, hope he can be brought along, if not, visit him in hospital?

MrsEight Thu 26-Oct-17 18:53:17

I have no advice but just wanted to say am sorry you are going through this flowers

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