Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop(358 Posts)
I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.
I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)
For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!
Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.
I’m seriously getting fed up of this.
I know not ALL MEN do this.
I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?
It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.
Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?
AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?
Normally I would say something, but I obviously have to be careful. I have to make a living and I rely on every bit of custom I can get in these times.
So I don’t want to be too harsh even though I know I should.
If Joe is new and maybe doesn't know everything yet, can you tell him to say "I'm new, she's the owner, ask her"? It's still only a temporary solution though.
Sack Joe, hire a Jo.
Joking. This would really grind my gears.
What about name badges with job titles so it has your name on one line and then Manager or Sales Assistant below?
It's the Goldberg paradigm, men are assumed to know more.
I had this at work (male dominated field) where I held a presentation and the questions at the end were directed to my male colleague, even though he was only there to listen.
He answered all their questions which pissed me off so I asked him to direct the questions back to me next time.
Ugh. I used to work in a student accommodation building and contractors used to talk over the head of the (female) building manager to the maintenance technician, even if they were answering a question she had asked.
Same thing here. I've been at events where male colleagues are approached with serious questions and I just get asked directions to the loo!
It's not an age thing either as I'm older than most of my colleagues.
Must be even more annoying when you own the business.
Urge it is a thing... remember when I was selling my house the estate agent would say "can I speak to Mr Caramel" , I owned the bloody house!
My colleagues and I occasionally used to get sent to university recruitment fairs as a representative of our company (in a very male dominated STEM field) and people would literally queue to speak to my male colleagues at our stand while I just stood there
One time I did get talking to a guy and he asked me if he could do the job without a particular degree and I replied that yes, you could, and actually I didn’t have that degree myself.
He gave me a funny look and then said ‘yeah but... I mean... you do what? HR or something?’
This is just never ending, so many people (but usually men) defer to the man in the room as the expert.
I used to work in an Emergency Department. And this would always happen if the patient was female and with a male relative. I would address the female patient and the man would talk over us both. If I was with a nurse who happened to be a man he would direct his questions to the man - my role in my former job? Doctor.
It is no longer my job and obviously this isn't the reason I gave it up but it made me pretty angry on a daily basis.
I once had a male secretary. I'm sure you can imagine how that went....yes, even though he was about 25 and I was over 50 at the time.
I would take the opportunity to recruit a man (Joe) to feminism. He might not be aware that it's happening. Tell him about it and ask him to watch out for it. Hopefully he'll see what misogynistic bullshit you have to put up with and be converted.
Tell him that if a male customer does this again, that Joe should point them in your direction and say "She's the owner, she knows everything".
It's a shame you can't be rude to these arseholes because you need/want their custom. Bugger!
It is bloody annoying. OP in your situation I suggest get Joe to say something like - I’m new to this job, I’ll just double check with my boss quickly.
Viserion I'm not sure name badges would help. Last week I saw a man having an almighty strop at the bank because they wouldn't let him withdraw money from his wife's account (it was his money apparently, because he had put it in there).
He kept demanding to speak to the manager, ignoring the woman with the "Manager" badge. Some people are just arseholes.
not a shop but my own house!
boilerr stoppd working called out engineer i opned th door told hm about it he said he'd hav a look-as soon as he clocked dh startd telling him what was wrong and ignored me
so i butted in an said how long till its fixd-oh i need to order a part-
looked straight back at dh saying will you be in tomorrow!?
what is wrong with people
brie yes exactly! I’ve had male customers talk over me as I am speaking and there was one occasion when I just walked away through to the store room as I was so so angry. Poor Joe had to come through and get me as shockingly I was the one who knew how to help.
It’s really infuriating, but also a sad depiction of society.
Get it all the time. I think you will find you get it less when:
a. You don't greet them warmly.
b. Move physically less, stand very upright and hold your head higher.
c. You say the customer walks past you - is Joe behind a desk and you look like you are stocking shelves? Reverse that.
It is a thing, like a PP when I was selling my house the estate agent couldn't compute that my husband was not involved in the process. It's only when I threatened to ditch them that they sorted it out.
I am so so sad that things are still so bad for women. It's beyond insulting. What the hell do we have to do???
Grrr.! if only this was a one off. I work in IT and go to technical networking events. So many men assume I'm part of the office or catering staff. I do find a badge helps (it's marked 'committee chairman')
You could try wearing a 'manager' badge, with a small sign near the till offering a manager's discount. Ask Joe to refer customers to you (the manager) to discuss further.
I work in a DIY/home improvement store and every week I have been asked if there is a male member of staff around to help them- I stopped being polite about it a long time ago.
Create a new 1% discount. It can be called the WAP discount standing for "women are people". Then give a big smile to those who qualify for it and tell them "you qualify for our discount today". Then if the dickheads ask where their discount is tell them "sorry sir, you don't qualify".
I’d feel a bit silly having badges as there’s only the two of us.
flower what makes it even worse is that when this happened I was the one behind the desk and Joe was stacking shelves! Well, he was putting a display back together that someone had knocked over but it equates to the same thing.
I sometimes receive as sheepish look but never an apology. But mostly they don’t care
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