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To not want to bother

(9 Posts)
Shouldileavethedogs Thu 26-Oct-17 12:39:02

A bit of back story.

I was fostered when I was 12 and knew my foster family from the age of 5. I grew up with them and I always considered them my family. My parents. My siblings etc. Every year now for over 30 years I've sent card on birthdays and xmas etc to all of them and it's just dawned on me that I never get any back. Not one. Not even once.
My oldest foster sister got engaged and I wasn't invited to the hen do but coincidence I bumped into them while I was on holiday in the same town that same weekend. Awkward moment but I was invited for drinks but you must come alone. I declined as I was on holiday with my husband and new baby and staying with a friend confused. The wedding invite came and I was invited but no one else. So again I had to decline as the baby was a new born and the wedding was 4 hours away.
Discussions at a later date from my foster mother about brexit. She called me a racist. I was horrified and cross and she later apologised and said she hoped our friendship wouldn't be affected. Our friendship. I was bowled over. I realised at that moment I had it so wrong. It all fell into place and I decided to slowly cut ties. However her mum died. My foster gran. I loved her dearly but I was told via text and to not ring for comfort. I was told when the funeral would be but not invited. I'm hurt and I feel stupid I got it so wrong.
She still sends me pics of her family via watta ap and i look at them now and think. Whatever. AIBU to cut ties.

goodnessidontknow Thu 26-Oct-17 12:44:43

I don't know what to say! What a cold way to treat you, no wonder you don't feel like bothering.
It sounds as though you are now making your own family so pour your energy and effort in to them.

2ndTimeMother Thu 26-Oct-17 12:51:05

Sounds awful OP flowers

I don't really have any advice to give other than concentrate on your own little family. I'm a strong believer in relationships have to work both ways it shouldn't be you always making all the effort.

TidyDancer Thu 26-Oct-17 13:38:59

She called you racist? Unless she had good grounds that would be unforgivable to me.

It’s awful but it does sound like both of you have been viewing the relationship very differently. I’m sorry it’s made you feel sad OP. flowers

Shouldileavethedogs Thu 26-Oct-17 14:06:22


I was my for good cause no. She kept pushing her political views and when I did eventually give my opinion she called me racist. I said how was that comment racist. I didn't mention gender or race or religion in my viewpoint. I do feel it's unforgivable and had her mum not died I was slowly cutting ties. I offered her so much support through her death and that of her good friend even though part of my thought process was saying. So when your friend died and you bio mum passed very recently actually she didn't even contact you hmm

Shouldileavethedogs Thu 26-Oct-17 14:07:06

It was for no good cause.........the racist comment

Anecdoche Thu 26-Oct-17 14:14:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkHeart5914 Thu 26-Oct-17 14:31:40

My parents were foster Carers until they decided to adopt my sister and they have many people they fostered send them birthday, Christmas cards and they always send one back with a little message about how they have been and some of the people they still see once or twice a year.

I am sorry about the way they treat you and it must hurt, unfortunately some people do just foster for the money it’s just another job to them. You’ve got a little baby and a dh they are your family now and I am sure they love you, put all your energy in to them.

Cut ties, Your feel better for it 💐

Shouldileavethedogs Thu 26-Oct-17 17:06:37

Thank you all for your kind words. I think you're all right. I was just a job to them in just gobsmacked it's taken me 25 years of not living there to realise it.

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