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To try the FERBER method??

(39 Posts)
Mamabear3017 Wed 25-Oct-17 12:50:39

DS is 7 months Friday.

His sleeping at night is horrendous, if I put him down he screams and will scream until I pick him up.

He used to go down with minimal fuss from 7-2am.

I'm at a loss as to what to do, my evenings are now spent tending to him to try get him to sleep. Most butts I give up and go bed at around 8-8:30 and have him next to me just so he'll sleep.

Please someone help me??

I'm considering the Ferber method solely because I'm at a loss as to what to do.

I've put it on here because I'm desperate for help.

arielmanto Wed 25-Oct-17 12:57:00

I feel your pain sad sounds like object permanence has kicked in. we found one woman's advice to work like a charm for us with DD when we were at our wit's end (she was 10mo). I think she has a website called precious little sleep. Wishing you luck x

KeepServingTheDrinks Wed 25-Oct-17 12:59:18

I know people who used Ferber successfully. It works less well for early risers (which is what we had), but for the hard-to-put-downs it's pretty good.

Expect to spend 10 days or so feeling cruel, though.

MamaDuckling Wed 25-Oct-17 13:00:20

We did Ferber method when DS was around that age. Worked a treat, 2/3 nights and we were done, and it got less difficult each night.

We had ups and downs since then with sleep but not definitely got us through the worst times.

BreakHerOffAKitKat Wed 25-Oct-17 13:05:57

For the sake of your sanity I would say anything is worth a try. I did it with my DD after months of rocking her to sleep (which took hours sometimes) and being woken countless times through the night to rock her back to sleep. I needed to claim my evenings back and I desperately needed some proper sleep.

It only took 2 nights for us fortunately and I could have kicked myself that I hadn't done it sooner. We now have a baby that will self settle at bedtime and sleeps through the night. She is up at 5am EVERY morning, but I can live with that for the sake of an evening to myself and uninterrupted sleep. She does have the odd relapse when she is poorly but settles right back in to her routine when she is better.

Give it a go, you have nothing to lose!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Wed 25-Oct-17 13:12:05

You're either in or about to hit a big sleep regression. Google it. His sleep habits will change very soon.

People make money from sleep training because they promise a change that they know would have occurred naturally anyway.

10 days of sleep training then ups and downs? Also known as natural sleep patterns. Also known as putting your baby and yourself through hell for no reason whatsoever.

Just wait it out. Why make your baby feel scared and alone over a temporary inconvenience?

Mamabear3017 Wed 25-Oct-17 13:14:05

Sorry I didn't reply, I was far too excited to head on over to the website you suggested & have been reading everything!

Mamabear3017 Wed 25-Oct-17 13:15:46

I'd prefer to do something that isn't harsh on my DS, however, he wakes a 10-20 times a night

Needadvicetoleave Wed 25-Oct-17 13:30:38

Do what you need to.

I was of the "it'll pass" thought as iwasjust is. But DS is now 22 months and a appalling sleeper. He now only wakes twice or so, but they are for hours at a time. This week I've had a maximum of 4 hours sleep total each night. It is hell.

I got so ill we tried most things but nothing has worked. Haven't tired Ferber, but will google it now! I'm that desperate.

Littlecaf Wed 25-Oct-17 13:37:38

You'll get someone telling you that Ferber is cruel in a minute.

I'd suggest proper controlled crying rather than just leaving them (cry it out). Took3 nights with DS. Worst was 1st night, went in 10 times in an hour, 2nd night, twice in 15 mins, 3rd night once. Obviously make sure it's just comfort they want that he's not hungry or ill.

SnugglySnerd Wed 25-Oct-17 13:41:20

DS is about 2 weeks older than yours. We've just had an horrendous sleep regression lasting about 10 nights. He has then suddenly started sleeping all night better than he did before the regression.

Hopefully that's what it is for you too.

mamahanji Wed 25-Oct-17 13:44:09

I’m blessed with an awful sleeper and we have used the pick up put down method from 7 months. It worked for her. Also contorting my arm through the cot bars to pat her to sleep.

I used the Ferber method with my old one but she was 18 months. I didn’t feel comfortable before that but it worked in 2 nights.

Mamabear3017 Wed 25-Oct-17 13:48:53

Can I do Ferber or CIO whilst he's still in my room??

I don't feel ready to ship him into his own room yet.

I somewhat tried the Ferber last night but he literally cried for an hour & a half & showed 0 signs of letting up

marvinsandwich Wed 25-Oct-17 14:03:28

Google the 'pick up put down' method. Similar to Ferber, but you hold them when they're crying so it feels (slightly) less upsetting all round. (As soon as they stop crying you put them down). Worked in 3 nights with my DC.

Whichever method you use give it a week and if it hasn't worked (most work in 3 days) give it a rest for a bit. I made the mistake with my second DC of keeping going for far too long with a method that was massively stressing him out. Got to the point where he was scared of his cot. Awful.

Anyway hopefully that's just him. (He's fine now!) Good luck OP.

Needadvicetoleave Wed 25-Oct-17 14:04:05

I've now read up on it. My understanding is that with Ferber (which is not cry it out) you can do it in your room but you do need to stick with it for it to work. I know I couldn't do it (DS is tenacious, it would be hours and hours).

UnicornRainbowColours Wed 25-Oct-17 14:14:33

Try controlled crying, it’s similar to Ferber but instead of leaving to cry you control how long they cry for.

So for example you do your usual bedtime routine, story,cuddles etc.

Put baby down leave the room and set a timer for 2 minutes go back in resettle.
Next time leave for 4 mins go back in and resettle, increase the time by 2 minutes each time and this way he’s having comfor etc but also learning to put himself to sleep.

I did this with my current charge with my MB permission and the first time took under an hour the second day 30 minutes by the end of th week she went down no problems.

chipscheeseandgravy Wed 25-Oct-17 14:37:15

If you don’t like the idea of the crying, look at the disappearing chair method. I tried this, but alas I’m too short to reach over the side of the cot and pat ds while he’s laid down 😂.
We have just started CIO at the moment, ds is now 15 months. We tried it when he was about 10 months, then again about 13 months and it didn’t work, he refused to stop crying. We seem to be doing a hell of a lot better this time.
Just make sure dc isn’t poorly/teething before you start.

chipscheeseandgravy Wed 25-Oct-17 14:40:55

Sorry I meant we are doing Controlled crying* NOT cry it out.

TammyswansonTwo Wed 25-Oct-17 14:57:58

There's no way I could do it. My twins are 13 months and bloody horrendous sleepers.i have ME and I'm exhausted but there's no way I could do it. They cry for a reason and i find it physically painful when they cry. I don't know how anyone does it!

Mamabear3017 Wed 25-Oct-17 15:08:00

I was wondering whether the reason he wouldn't stop crying last night was solely because he's got a cold at the minute. Should I hold off until he's better??

I sound like I'm stupid and to be brutally honest to myself, I'm quite naive when it comes to kids. I guess ignorantly I expected him to just sleep through the night from day one!

If I put him to bed at 7, I have to go with him. I've no time to myself at all!

KeepServingTheDrinks Wed 25-Oct-17 15:14:19

I would generally say that illness = all bets are off. Sorry.

Try it once he's feeling better.

Ellendegeneres Wed 25-Oct-17 15:18:10

I had this. Both kids, sleep depriving sods. One night a friend came over, with me in a fit of exhaustion took over. Took youngest to bed and stayed until he was down. The next three or four nights the same. Then told me it was my turn. I have a chair now permanently next to the cot, I lay him down and sometimes with a hand firmly on his back, wait until he sleeps. Other nights, simply lay him in and he goes to sleep. It's like a different baby. Doesn't want to sleep with me/ in my arms anymore. I have entire evenings to myself, I can watch child-inappropriate movies (can't see them being good with twilight somehow) and generally slob out and actually eat. It's amazing.
I've been where you are. My eldest I left to cry it out, and I wish I hadn't- he's insecure even now. Do what you gotta do is my advice. Any method you use will be hard to start with, but I promise you, be consistent and it'll get easier

BitchQueenofAngmar Wed 25-Oct-17 15:23:48

Obviously make sure it's just comfort they want

Yes, of course, if it's "just comfort they want" then that isn't important at all. hmm

MamaDuckling Wed 25-Oct-17 15:29:43

By Ferber do you mean pick up put down?

MamaDuckling Wed 25-Oct-17 15:32:41

Right, yes, if poorly don't do it, just mean!!

If he's still not sleeping well once better then we did the following:

Put to bed as normal, even if crying, lay him in the Cot.

Let cry for 4 mins. Go in. No eye contact, just hushed reassuring words. Pick up by all means. But put down as soon as calmed down.

Repeat as above, gradually building to 9 mins as the evening progresses. Gradually reduce the reassuring word to a shhh.

That worked for us. First night took 1.5 hours. Then shorter thereafter.

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