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To think this is not for me

(62 Posts)
alltheseasonsgosofast Wed 25-Oct-17 10:34:36

Our baby is nearly 9 months.

I feel awful saying this but I'm not enjoying being a parent at all.

Will this ever pass?

Pengggwn Wed 25-Oct-17 10:36:49

flowers Who can say? The expectation that every woman will love being a mum is, in my view, a particularly pernicious manifestation of the patriarchy. grin

Why don't you enjoy it?

My DD is 10 months. She's very hard work.

Heratnumber7 Wed 25-Oct-17 10:40:26

It gets easier and more rewarding as they get older. I hated the baby stage, but from about 1 onwards it was much more enjoyable.

alltheseasonsgosofast Wed 25-Oct-17 10:41:02

Not being able to do anything. Yesterday had to get petrol and it was like a travelling circus.

Pengggwn Wed 25-Oct-17 10:47:40

Yes, that will get easier. It's the endless carting them from one safe place to another while you do the simplest things, isn't it? I know exactly what you mean.

Is he/she crawling yet?

grounddown Wed 25-Oct-17 10:51:14

It does get easier as they get older and develop their personality. Mine are 5 and 6 and I'd rather spend time with them than anyone else. My DS is especially hilarious but before he was about 1 he was really hard work.

WeatherDependent Wed 25-Oct-17 10:51:28

It really it hard, for me it was the drudgery and everything taking ten times longer. I hated it, until I changed my mindset. Instead of comparing it to how things used to be I started to accept that this is how things now are.

Some DCs just slot into people’s life’s, mine never did and my life completely changed forever once I accepted this I found things much easier.

flowers

dontquotemeondailymail Wed 25-Oct-17 11:00:55

Don't feel awful, I'd guess that 90% of parents have felt that way at one time or another.

At that age I felt like every day was like Groundhog Day, and everything was a pain in the arse!

Have you got friends around in the daytime to help keep your sanity?

Don't put pressure on yourself to do everything, leave some errands to be done either by your partner, or at least when he can be with you to help. Go easy on yourself

It will pass.

alltheseasonsgosofast Wed 25-Oct-17 11:03:03

No, I never see anybody. That's so hard. I have tried going to toddler groups. The days are so long. Can never believe how long they are.

Pengggwn Wed 25-Oct-17 11:04:26

alltheseasonsgosofast

Toddler groups suck.

What sort of routine do you have?

alltheseasonsgosofast Wed 25-Oct-17 11:05:27

Don't really have one, to be honest!

FluffyMcCloud Wed 25-Oct-17 11:10:58

It will totally pass. How long it takes is a different question. I agree that we are expected to "love every minute" of parenting (I'm the fun sponge at baby showers who contests that load of old nonsense every time) when actually parenting is hard and boring and frustrating and shit. Particularly babies. I don't really like babies. I loved and took care of my own, but I didn't enjoy parenting until my baby was about 18 months old.
I love it now though. My children are actual people who make me cups of tea and hug me if I'm sad. They are great fun and awesome company.
It's been an interesting and long journey to get here though...!

44PumpLane Wed 25-Oct-17 11:15:53

Alltheseasons I have 10.5 mo twins and feel your pain- we spend a lot of time in the house playing and singing, and walk the dog daily if we can.

It's tough, I tend to plan things to make life easier (only fill up the car when I can pay at the pump for example).

Your child is still at that funny age where there is so much to fit in to the day- 3 or 4 formula feeds, 3 food feeds, several naps, to be honest it's a wonder we ever get out the door!!

I just keep telling myself that eventually it'll be fine smile hang in there!

But no, YANBU to so far not enjoy it. It's relentless and tough. I'm sure you'll find a stage that you enjoy, hopefully soon xx

MissClareRemembers Wed 25-Oct-17 11:17:26

The shock to the system that parenthood brings is mind blowing. I honestly think it took me years to get my head around my ‘new life’. I never felt that rush of love that I was assured I would feel and I seemed to feel at a loss all the time. I longed for time on my own and was quite happy to return to work after mat leave. I felt so guilty about feeling that way. I loved nap time and dreaded them waking up.

I likened it to having a ball and chain around my ankle that kept me half anchored to home all the time.

I kept all of this inside and never let on.

BUT then I realised that we are all different and that I am an introvert for whom having to share headspace with tiny people 24/7 was really, really draining. It’s ok not to enjoy parenthood all the time.

I now know I love my DC and look back on the early days fondly.

You are still adjusting and you need to allow yourself to accept that it may take a long time to get to grips with it. There’s another thread at the moment about how children shouldn’t necessarily always come first. It’s worth a read.

💐

AssassinatedBeauty Wed 25-Oct-17 11:17:48

I found organised classes/activities better than general toddler groups. So things like baby sensory, music classes, swimming classes, tumble tots or whatever there is local to you. I used to do a class a day and then go for a walk as well, and that would take up most of the day.

I sort the change bag out each evening so that the next day I can just grab it and go without having to check it.

Sorry if that's not helpful advice but just thought it could be useful smile

KeepServingTheDrinks Wed 25-Oct-17 11:21:53

I also remember the endless boredom. I'm def not a 'natural' parent, and I don't really like babies.
I promise it does pass. Believe it or not, you may even look back one day and realize you miss it. The rewards are small at that age - a look, a smile.

This will change (esp after language starts to kick in), but I'm sorry it's hard. Be kind to yourself. flowers

TieGrr Wed 25-Oct-17 11:27:08

Will you be going back to work? I didn't start to feel like myself until I was back in the office.

MargoLovebutter Wed 25-Oct-17 11:27:32

I struggled at first too but got the hang of it in the end & even had another one!

Could you be a bit depressed OP?

Rachie1986 Wed 25-Oct-17 11:28:23

Yes. I was you. Honestly.

She is now coming up 4 and I enjoy it so much more and feel I can cope so much more.

Still not been brave enough to have a second mind!

SeaCabbage Wed 25-Oct-17 11:31:10

A routine may help you.

At nine months you should be able to get out in the morning, hopefully meet some people somewhere, come home, give him/her lunch and put her to bed for an hour or two while you get some time to yourself.

then either potter in the afternoon, or go out again for a bit, home for more food at five ish, then bath adn bed when you finally get some time to yourself again.

Do try and get together with other people who you get on with. That coudl be your life line.

ajandjjmum Wed 25-Oct-17 11:33:03

I really struggled - couldn't wait to get back to work, and I only had a matter of a few months off! I suspect I could have been on the verge of PND in hindsight - if that's even possible.

My DC are now in their 20's, and I've loved every other stage despite the inevitable challenges. I love them to bits and we are close.

I think it was the sheer drudgery that got to me, and that I was used to asking for something to be done at work, and my request complied with - certainly doesn't happen with children. grin

Hidihihidiho Wed 25-Oct-17 11:34:01

My ds is nearly 2 and I don’t enjoy motherhood.
He is ill at the moment so can’t go to childminders, but not so Ill that he’s not still running around and getting into everything!
So we are house bound and I feel terrible for just having the tv on all day but have no idea what else to do with him.....
did painting this morning but he was more interested in just squeezing all the paint out the tubes then actually painting! Toys bore him!
Day 2 of being stuck in and I can feel old pnd thoughts and feelings returning.
Motherhood is tough and feel terrible guilt for not enjoying it more x

RedSkyAtNight Wed 25-Oct-17 11:47:05

I love my DC, but I didn't much like them until they got to 3 or older.

I found the early years just an endless drudge (not helped by the sleep deprivation).

Clandestino Wed 25-Oct-17 11:50:27

I felt totally exhausted and doubted myself when DD was smaller. Feeling much better now when she's a person of her own at 7.5 years.
Nobody said being Mum is easy. It's not.

pipistrell Wed 25-Oct-17 11:50:35

Of course she’s depresseD, having a one month old and rarely leaving the house is fucking depressing!

OP do you have friends who you can meet with? Do you see family?

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