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in thinking that bringing an iPad to a sleepover is a bit rude?

(56 Posts)
ProofBy1nduction Wed 25-Oct-17 08:57:35

My DD (9) is having a few friends for a sleepover for her birthday next week.

The last time we did this (about 6 months ago) both her friends brought their iPads with them.

Aside from the fact I then have no idea what they are watching on them (they both wanted to take them to bed with them), I can't help feeling it is a bit rude to let your child take a device like this to someone elses house.

It's almost like assuming they will be bored.

It's probably just me though! Does anyone else feel like this?

Farontothemaddingcrowd Fri 27-Oct-17 20:26:31

I wouldn't find that rude at all.

Flippingecktucker Fri 27-Oct-17 20:25:24

Rude?! Ffs. Ridiculous.

nellieellie Fri 27-Oct-17 20:21:46

I would just say sorry, my kids don’t have access to an iPad. I’d let them use it for maybe half hour as long as they were in my sight and I knew what they were doing. I’ve confiscated a phone off a friend of my 12 year old, so a 9 yr old with an iPad. Ugh!

HeebieJeebies456 Fri 27-Oct-17 20:04:18

Good idea Peetle - maybe I will turn off the WiFi (DH may have a heart attack though)

Even better, just search for their ipads on your 'connected to wifi' list and block their internet access - either between certain times or completely.
That way the adults in the house don't have to be inconvenienced.....

Happydoingitjusttheonce Fri 27-Oct-17 19:04:42

Scabbersley if that was directed at me then my son grew up socialising without devices as well
as with. Socialising face to face is vital. I didn’t suggest it wasn’t. My son has a broader social circle because of digital devices, so he regularly skypes/FaceTimes kids in other countries he’s got to know through his sport. And he’d have never got to know them without the internet. I had to use blue airmail paper to have contact with a pen pal. Embrace it.

driveninsanebythehubby Thu 26-Oct-17 16:50:38

Whenever my boys have friends for sleepovers, I make a point of letting the parent know that it was fine to send a device, because ds was looking forward to playing Minecraft/Roblox etc with them! I don’t see the issue if they’re playing together - each doing independent activities is different.

And in response to the person above who said those that think it’s ok are obviously the ones to get their phones out at a dinner party - wrong! I won’t even get my phone out if we’re having a lazy dinner on the sofa! I just don’t see the issue with kids having their device if they want them. My middle son and his close friend make all sorts of YouTube videos together - some even half amusing! If they didn’t bring the iPads, I wouldn’t see that creativity.

ittakes2 Thu 26-Oct-17 16:48:55

Sorry wanted to add they play free board games like monolopy or chess on their iPads and listen to music. So sorry YABU about it being rude.

ittakes2 Thu 26-Oct-17 16:47:29

My daughter and her friend both have iPads and like to sit next to each other interacting on line with the same game.

Uglymug76 Wed 25-Oct-17 19:48:39

Both my DDs have had, and been to sleepovers and iPads are standard. My 9yr old in particular...she’s in a class of 9 girls and to escape the boy overload they’ve developed a common interest in roblox and minecraft and play online together. They all know and understand the rules about when enough is enough time wise, and they respect it.
We may not have grown up with devices but they have, and they’re as common as TVs nowadays. You can’t stop the progress, or expect them to just play board games and be tucked up nicely by 9pm. It ain’t going to happen. I know 100% if iPads had been around in my day I’d have been sneaking that under my bed covers instead of reading Famous Five!!

Cleanermaidcook Wed 25-Oct-17 19:19:16

I have a 9 yr old dd, she does own a tablet but it's not the centre of her entertainment. If she was going to a sleepover it wouldn't occur to her to take it and if I were hosting one I'd tell parents up front not to send them. I'm not anti technology but it's something available regularly and a sleepover is an irregular treat. I provide activities like decorating pizza's, having foot spa's, jewellery making and then a film later for winding down. I think watching a dvd is different than free range Internet access as you know what they're watching and aren't sharing anything with other people, it's safe.

tangerino Wed 25-Oct-17 15:24:52

Migraleve, the differences are your parents presumably knew what was in the videos and you watched them with your friends not on your own. Children bringing personal iPads to a sleepover is completely different- they could be watching anything and, even if they’re responsible about content, they can’t do it together which defeats the point of being at a sleepover surely?

yakari Wed 25-Oct-17 15:19:50

I don’t see the issue - DD 9 has some friends that bring them, some don’t and we have various devices round the house. But house rules apply - screens off when I say, never at the table and not in the bedrooms at night.
Where’s the big issue? Just let the kid know when they arrive and it’s a rule like any other - don’t jump on the furniture, no nerf guns at the table, don’t tease the pet, lights out by X time .. why is it any different?

Migraleve Wed 25-Oct-17 14:48:58

I may say we have a 'no devices at night' rule to the children to avoid them watching videos at night.

I’m struggling to understand this tbh. Isn’t that what they DO at sleepovers? Watch videos and eat crap? We certainly did, the only difference being our videos were actual VHS video tapes and our screen was a good old 1980’ wooden surround TV

Scabbersley Wed 25-Oct-17 13:37:34

Stop trying to claim it as a triumph of the digital age. Don't you actually want to teach your kids to socialise without devices? Or do you think that's irrelevant now as you can do it via social media /online gaming?

Happydoingitjusttheonce Wed 25-Oct-17 13:14:50

I think it’s normal in the digital age. My son and his friends use devices and computers to play games together, often involving team work. They watch you tube, sometimes daft videos, sometimes things connected with their hobby of biking, or stream music or tv shows they like. At 9 my son was still playing nerf wars and soldiers too. Tv, music, books, games are now all in the palm of your hand and so it’s really no different to kids having to use separate media for those things in the past. As long as they still indulge in enough physical activity too, I don’t see the problem

ProofBy1nduction Wed 25-Oct-17 12:00:24

Thanks for the replies.

It seems most people do agree it is a bit rude.

I am not going to say anything to the parents, but I may say we have a 'no devices at night' rule to the children to avoid them watching videos at night.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Wed 25-Oct-17 11:57:02

I think pretty much every teen I've ever known has had their own crappy youtube channel at some point. I hardly think it's something they'll mention on their CV

Echoing the above, one of my offspring is a well known and well paid media influencer grin

Yokohamajojo Wed 25-Oct-17 11:52:57

I think this is a tricky one as they do have fun getting to play together on them and record videos and stuff. My son recently went for a sleepover though where one of the boys had his phone with him (they are 10 and in Y6 so the others didn't have phones) and he used his phone in the middle of the night to scare the little brother of the house. He had an app which you can create scary voices etc. The mum of the house was not impressed.

I wouldn't mind them bringing them and play with them up to a certain time perhaps

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer Wed 25-Oct-17 11:52:08

I'd let mine take it, but would expect them to follow the host parent's rules (and if that meant no tablet then that's fine). I wouldn't find either way rude, just different strokes for different folks (and that's a helpful lesson for dc to learn too).

AuntieStella Wed 25-Oct-17 11:40:52

I think it all depends on what the little beasts are going to do with it.

Because YouTube tutorials on slime making or hair braiding can be very relevant. And watching something on Netflix when they ought to be asleep is pretty standard too.

Yes, you need to know what they're doing with the devices (all devices which connect to the Internet) and yes it's anywhere between uninspired to downright rude to substitute screen for RL when in company. But flat ban might also be too blunt a response.

Herdingcows Wed 25-Oct-17 11:27:01

9 to DD recently went to a pottery painting party. Where a boy had brought a phone, so instead of painting he was distracting all the others by playing games on a phone!

The tantrum when the host parent took it away was quite breathtaking.

Frege Wed 25-Oct-17 11:24:40

Really rude. One girl did this at my daughter's birthday sleepover a few months ago. DD had planned all sorts of activities for her friends but of course the iPad distracted everyone and spoiled things (until I took it away).

At the very least the guest should check with the host's parents.

Scabbersley Wed 25-Oct-17 11:07:14

Ha, hilarious about not having a tablet meaning they won't be able to cope with the 21st century!

I think pretty much every teen I've ever known has had their own crappy youtube channel at some point. I hardly think it's something they'll mention on their CV

Scabbersley Wed 25-Oct-17 11:04:58

They are all watching it together.

I think it's totally rude to assume you will need to use an iPad during a sleepover.

Are these parents who think it's fine the same people who sit on their phones at dinner parties?

IroningMountain Wed 25-Oct-17 10:16:47

The difference being with a film is they are all watching,discussing the same film together.

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