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to not exchange birthday presents for my child and DF's child?

(17 Posts)
DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 24-Oct-17 22:26:15

Backstory:
Their birthdays are 9 days apart. We're both a bit skint atm. Neither is having an expensive arranged party (leisure centre/soft play/£200 session in hell etc) but both will be having family parties with GPs and cousins.
DH and I are also taking her to a huge tourist attraction that she will LOVE on her birthday.

A very good friend and I have discussed swapping presents for our STB3yos.
We've said that instead of buying each other's child a token gift for the sake of it, DF and I decided that we will take our DC out for an exciting day trip (to somewhere the girls haven't been before, not like a soft play or swimming...)

I told DH this tonight and he seemed flabbergasted saying it was weird (twice) and strange (twice) and that it wasn't the kids' fault that we (all 4 parents) were having to be careful with money...
And that we should really swap gifts so that DD and DF's DD get a little present from someone who isn't a family member.

I just thought it had been a really nice idea to do something with her friend and that they'd love it, more likely remember it much more than a token book/toy that will invariably become clutter and chucked out eventually.
Now I feel quite deflated and I have taken an inference (possibly unfairly) that I'm somehow doing my DD out of something...

Obviously we have the money to spend a few quid on each other's child buy isn't the thought of going to spend time and ding something exciting better than just exchanging a small gift for the sake of having a gift?

If IABU then I need to apologise to DH as I've kind of stropped off to bed.... blush

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 24-Oct-17 22:28:01

but and doing....

MagicTapeDispenser Tue 24-Oct-17 22:29:35

If you and your friend have agreed to replace gifts with a lovely day out together, then I don’t see the problem.

I think it’s a lovely idea personally. I hope you all have a great time.

Bosabosa Tue 24-Oct-17 22:31:13

Sounds like a much better idea- go out and have a lovely day . Make memories

Toblernone Tue 24-Oct-17 22:31:37

I think it's a fab idea, not really sure how it'll be cheaper than a present but I find days or quite pricey, but if it works for you I don't see anything wrong with it. Kids get enough 'stuff', don't think they'll miss a present when they get quality time out instead.

FadedRed Tue 24-Oct-17 22:33:07

Very sensible idea IMO.

Marmalady75 Tue 24-Oct-17 22:33:22

Well, I think your DH is weird (twice) and strange (twice)!!! A small present or a day out complete with photos and a nice memory? Hmmm...let me think which makes more sense for a 3yo...

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 24-Oct-17 22:39:48

In his defence Marmalady75 he wasn't saying one or the other, but I still maintain a little present from her best friend will be insignificant compared to talking about whatever we do all bloomin year

SarahH12 Tue 24-Oct-17 22:41:18

Your idea sounds fantastic! Memories will mean more than a token gift smile

Madasahattersteaparty1749 Tue 24-Oct-17 22:45:30

My dds would much prefer this what a great idea. I do agree it would actually be more expensive then a present so doubt it would save you money.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 24-Oct-17 22:51:17

Re money - yes it invariably will cost more than a small token but this was also an idea to make a day out of a trip we both wanted to do, and make it a birthday treat.

It's not the money so much as the principle!

Judydreamsofhorses Tue 24-Oct-17 22:57:06

My girlfriends and I actually started to do this for one another a few years back. Instead of presents we go for a lovely lunch, or the theatre, or get our nails done together, or whatever. We do usually bring a token gift like a bunch of flowers, or a bottle of wine, but it’s more about the doing stuff - “the gift of time”, if you like.

ReanimatedSGB Tue 24-Oct-17 22:57:57

Tell your H to keep his beak out. You and your friend have decided on something that will make the DCs happy and please the two of you: no need to amend it just because your H (who presumably won't be going) has got a stick up his arse.

milliemolliemou Tue 24-Oct-17 23:03:28

Agree - out you go for a lovely day and no presents. Perfect.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Tue 24-Oct-17 23:30:00

Agree with the poster who said tell your dh to keep his beak out of it. Or maybe he'd like to be the one organising the buying and exchanging of gifts if he feels so strongly about it

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Wed 25-Oct-17 08:18:22

Thanks all.

I feel in fairness I should point out that his beak should be in it - it is after all his daughter too and he is wanting the best for her, not trying to make things more difficult for me.

Nevertheless I am happy (as is my friend I think!) with the arrangement and now you've all assured me then I won't back down to silly DH!
Cheers MN grin

TooDamnSarky Wed 25-Oct-17 08:30:30

Why not make up petty vouchers for the places you are visiting with lots of pictures of the places and exchange these so they have something to open?

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