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To ask for money from ex?

(53 Posts)
Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 19:01:57

Ex doesn't pay maintenance. There is a fun fair near me for the half term and I want to take the kids tomorrow as it's the only day they do wrist bands (very expensive with 3 kids otherwise) however money is tight so can't afford it. If it was the Thursday it would be no problem as that's when I get paid. Would it be unreasonable to ask ex if he would pay so they can go?? I tried hinting yesterday but he didn't offer.

PinkHeart5914 Tue 24-Oct-17 19:04:41

Why doesn’t he pay maintenance? If his just a bloody tight sod you can ask but you probably won’t get. If his genuinely poor he probably won’t have it anyway.

Yanbu but don’t hold your breathe! Anyone that could lend you some until Thursday if/when he says no?

Himoverthere Tue 24-Oct-17 19:04:48

Rather depends on what the reason is for the ex not paying maintenance?

Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 19:07:11

He works cash in hand but won't pay. CSA can't do anything but as it's a one off I'm wondering if he might but don't want to sound like I'm begging.

Rainyboooooo Tue 24-Oct-17 19:08:48

If he won’t pay to house, feed and cloth his children, why would he pay for a fair?

You can ask, but he doesn’t sound reliable.

Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 19:11:28

I get paid for having them apparently (child benefit/tax credits) so he shouldn't have to.

Himoverthere Tue 24-Oct-17 19:12:05

I think you know the answer to your question already then.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Tue 24-Oct-17 19:16:56

Could you ask him to take the kids to the fair instead?

Inertia Tue 24-Oct-17 19:17:58

He won't give you the money.

Can you report him to HMRC?

Himoverthere Tue 24-Oct-17 19:18:31

why allow access to them if he is not paying maintenance?

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox Tue 24-Oct-17 19:22:42

I'm in the same position as you OP. My exh has never paid maintenance due to being an alcoholic and in and out of work. He had a job a couple of years ago so I phoned the csa and they did absolutely nothing! He currently owes me about £5000 but I'll never see it.

If it was me I wouldn't lower myself to ask him.

Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 19:22:50

He wouldn't take them. He doesn't see the point in taking them anywhere tbh even when we were together it was always me. I wouldn't report him as I don't need the aggro (he will know it's me)

Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 19:24:13

If I take them on the non wrist band day they will get 3 each rides for the same price as it would be for unlimited so just annoying!

Justanothernameonthepage Tue 24-Oct-17 19:55:21

Well if you don't ask, he definitely won't pay. Asking, there is a slim chance he might. He does sound like a tosspot though.

deepestdarkestperu Tue 24-Oct-17 20:14:23

,why allow access to them if he is not paying maintenance?

Because kids aren't pay-per-view. He might be a dickhead, but he's still their dad. You can't deny them the right to see their father based on his refusal to pay maintenance.

Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 22:48:19

I wouldn't stop him from seeing them over the money situation despite how annoying it is. Looks like I'm gonna have to ask my dad instead which means travelling an hour to his then an hour back. Sigh. Horrible having such a useless ex!

ReanimatedSGB Tue 24-Oct-17 23:00:58

Set the CSA on him anyway. Why should he get away with refusing to pay maintenance? If he then disappears out of the DC's lives, that;s not your fault and he's no great loss.

Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 23:02:45

I've called them. They told me not to bother as it will come back as "nil assessment" and the case will be immediately closed and you now have to pay to open a claim so I will only be losing out sad

Atticusss Tue 24-Oct-17 23:16:24

I feel your pain. My ex is the same. Very committed to seeing his child but never paid any money and I can't claim through CSA as he's been on benefits for over 10 years. Occasionally working cash in hand. He only takes child out somewhere about once a year. Whenever he is there every other weekend theh just watch TV or plays games consoles earing really awful food, such as crisps for lunch, pot noodle for dinner. I absolutely hate it but unfortunately it's not strong enough for me to stop access over. There is nothing to lose by asking.

Fishface77 Tue 24-Oct-17 23:19:32

How old are the kids?
Tell them to ask their dad.
In my opinion it's never too late to
Let the kids know their dad is a deadbeat. I believe in sheltering the kids in some things but if their dads not paying and they have to
Go withoutbthey need to know the reason why.
Sorry for typos. On phone.

Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 23:27:18

Oldest is 6 so could ask but I haven't spoken to him today and don't want to leave it till tomorrow so I'm kinda just thinking to get it off my dad who said to ask him for money whenever I need it. Shame ex can't feel the same!

jocktamsonsbairn Tue 24-Oct-17 23:35:37

If he’s like my non paying arse of an ex then he might pay for this as it makes him look like hero daddy to the rescue! Or else he’d promise it then claim I’d said they weren’t allowed to go. Ask him, agree with letting the kids hear the conversation, they need to know. Then ask your Dad and let Grandpa be the rightful hero saving the day as he probably deserves it.

SpiritedLondon Tue 24-Oct-17 23:37:51

Sorry about your ex... he sounds like a complete knob. I was wondering about your exes parents and whether they see their grandchildren? I know my mum would go out of her way to see any grandchildren ( and all the lovely treats etc) whether the parents were together or not and she would certainly be helping out if any of us were failing to support our children. I suppose what I'm saying is could you ask the grandparents given how useless their son is being?

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 24-Oct-17 23:39:33

The minimum payment on benefits is now something like £7pw unless he has other kids atticusss

Misspollyhadadollie Tue 24-Oct-17 23:39:48

Unfortunately both exes parents died before I met him.

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