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To be unnerved by this

(13 Posts)
Azalea96 Tue 24-Oct-17 18:09:34

Just wondering what you think..my fiance has a home beside his family's old childhood home and all his family are very close. I come from a family where we are scattered around the country so it's rare when we meet up but when we do we really enjoy each others' company. His family are lovely and very kind to one another but because they live close by they see each other more. One of his sisters in particular drops in a few times a week and now has started to drop in when my fiance is away. I am starting to feel unnerved by her just opening the back door when she knows her brother is away. I gave her my phone number and she is a nice genuine person. However I would never call to my brother's house without ringing or texting first so maybe it's just me?
The other day I had the curtains drawn as it was evening and I locked the back door. She must have tried the back door as I heard from my fiance that she had tried to ring me after she found the door locked. I saw her missed call, but when I rang her back her phone was busy because she had rang her brother saying his house was locked up Today she asks my fiance why I didn't ring her back ! I know he owns the house but I get the feeling she wants to treat it like an extension of their childhood home which is a few feet away and is now rented out. I own a house that I now rent out and we split bills. Aibu to find this unnerving? She's much older than me and is retired to put in context. Sometimes we are snuggled up and she walks ingrin

JediStoleMyBike Tue 24-Oct-17 18:13:03

Have you mentioned to your fiancé that this makes you uncomfortable? He would be my first port of call. You don't have to be rude, just say that you'd like people to ring first and not just let themselves in. You could be doing anything. You deserve your own space without the worry that people are just going to walk in!

BackforGood Tue 24-Oct-17 18:21:50

I always find it weird that people who are unnerved by others walking in unannounced, then leave a door unlocked.
Maybe it is because I've always lived in a City, but I would never leave a door unlocked - and I against the run of MN opinion love it when people pop by unannounced!

YANBU, but then nor is your df's sister. That is the way his family grew up, all just dropping in on each other and she has welcomed you into the family, and considers you part of their family and treats you as a sibling, which is a nice thing.
OTOH, you didn't grow up like that, so you need to let them all know that it makes you uncomfortable to have people just drop in and ask if they would mind texting you if they know df isn't there.
what you do when he is there, is for you and him to talk about together of course.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 24-Oct-17 18:25:01

Tell your Fiance you don't like it when his sister comes unannounced. Start locking your back door more often. She needs to adhere to boundaries.

ProfessorCat Tue 24-Oct-17 18:28:39

Lock the door and ignore her until she gets the hint.

Butterymuffin Tue 24-Oct-17 18:30:03

Keep the back door locked all the time. And get your fiance to handle talking to her about this. If she rings don't pick up and just say later you were watching / listening to something through headphones and didn't hear.

Ttbb Tue 24-Oct-17 18:34:04

Why do you keep your back door unlocked? <completely misses the point>

silverbell64 Tue 24-Oct-17 18:34:24

I'd invite her round when your finance's home and have a chat about it. It's probably something she's just been used to and thinks it's ok.

Azalea96 Thu 26-Oct-17 13:59:37

Thanks for all kinds replies and good advice.flowers
I am used to locking doors myself as I'm a city person. We now live in a very remote rural area but I am going to revert to my city ways and lock the back door even if my fiance thinks I am being a townie grin

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Thu 26-Oct-17 14:17:11

It is difficult. Culturally, I have an open door policy, as does DH, but I accept in this country you're all a bit up tight about people wandering into your kitchen wink

It needs sensitive handling or you come across as stand offish and isolatin him form his family.

Viserion Thu 26-Oct-17 14:30:21

Have you only relatively recently moved in? Your fiance needs to have a quiet word with her and explain that now it is your home too, she needs to start to respect your boundaries a bit more and to understand that it unnerves you having people wandering in when you are home alone. A text to ask if it ok if she pops round in X minutes would give you the chance to say yes/no or at least the warning she is on her way so you can lock up, turn the lights out and hide

I don't keep my back door locked - it looks over my garden and is often wide open for me to see the view from my desk during the day, but is always locked after dark especially if DH is away. I would not be comfortable with someone letting themselves into the garden to get in, so the side gate is bolted - could you do the same?

livefornaps Thu 26-Oct-17 14:35:55

Tell her that "friends" finished in the 2000s and that you can't just conveniently walk in on people any more just to move the plot on.

GabsAlot Thu 26-Oct-17 14:37:05

similar family style op my dh's family all walk in each other open doors but i dont live near thm an would freak out if this happned on a regular basis

i find it rude not to even mention id like to visit someone first, even my sisters but thats me

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