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Touchy feely woman - I think I was rude

(64 Posts)
florapearl Tue 24-Oct-17 16:10:57

A woman I see regularly in various contexts has a bit of a touching habit. She has rubbed my thighs, strokes my arms and puts her hand on my back, just where my bra fastens.

I have tried jokingly asking her to stop but it didn't work so yesterday I told her to stop touching me, it made me really uncomfortable. She looked really upset.

I don't know. Today I don't feel so good about it.

RhiWrites Tue 24-Oct-17 16:12:46

I think that was very brave of you. She made it uncomfortable, not you.

livefornaps Tue 24-Oct-17 16:14:07

Don't feel bad - she didn't respect your boundaries and so you got firm.

Her feelings are her responsibility, in this case.

She can't go through life assuming that everyone likes that level of contact. She most likely thinks it endears her to people - maybe to some, but not all.

On the contrary, I think you deserve congratulations for not putting up with a situation which made you feel uncomfortable.

Wolfiefan Tue 24-Oct-17 16:14:16

Yuck! I really dislike people being touchy feely. I would find it really very uncomfortable. I would have to say something or actually avoid them.

chitofftheshovel Tue 24-Oct-17 16:18:03

She's rubbed your thighs? Wtf. She cleary has boundary issues and you did exactly the right thing. Do not feel bad about it.

Auburn2001 Tue 24-Oct-17 16:19:33

Good for you, you tried dropping hints but they didn’t work, so you had to tell her straight.

TheChristmasFaery Tue 24-Oct-17 16:22:48

Ha! Sorry this is really funny. A mum at our school does this & it REALLY pisses off my mate. Who the hell are these people going around stroking everyone 😂

I think it's good if you're ok with telling them to stop it. They need to know.
The thing that makes me laugh is that they probably think it's endearing .

Wombatron Tue 24-Oct-17 16:23:11

I had this! The woman would squeeze past and hold my hips to do so, hands on waist, arm touching. We were on a boat so could not escape her! In the end I snapped “PLEASE DONT TOUCH ME”. I had hinted and hinted but she didn’t get it. Don’t feel bad, if she were male there’d be cries of sexual harassment

HunterHearstHelmsley Tue 24-Oct-17 16:28:13

Nope. Not rude.

I've taken to just standing there with my arms by my side if anyone tries to hug me. Tends to do the trick.

Wolfiefan Tue 24-Oct-17 16:29:55

Actually put it another way. Should you let people touch you whenever and however they want as it is rude to ask them to stop ?
Of course you shouldn't!

nNina22 Tue 24-Oct-17 16:36:42

Mu male colleague had a major success at work and I was so excited I squeezed his arm when congratulation him. He recoiled in horror and disgust and it made me feel so embarrassed that I've been very careful not to touch people ever since (not that I have ever had a habit of doing so).

nNina22 Tue 24-Oct-17 16:37:36

Mu male colleague had a major success at work and I was so excited I squeezed his arm when congratulation him. He recoiled in horror and disgust and it made me feel so embarrassed that I've been very careful not to touch people ever since (not that I have ever had a habit of doing so).

BMW6 Tue 24-Oct-17 16:39:35

YANBU - you asked her to stop touching you and she persisted, so you were not mean to snap at her!

64BooLane Tue 24-Oct-17 16:40:26

I'm having massive deja vu with this thread. Wasn't there another one recently where an OP had a touchy-feely female work colleague and it was really getting to her? They had to drive places together, iirc. I'm sure there was thigh-stroking. <shudder>

Anyway, sorry OP - in response to your own post, I don't think you were rude at all. You tried to get it across subtly, and it didn't work. You were perfectly right to set boundaries.

user1467976192 Tue 24-Oct-17 16:44:50

Someone at my work does this. Told her I wouldn’t expect that sort of touch from my partner never mind her

PanPanPanPing Tue 24-Oct-17 16:45:38

You were not rude and you did nothing wrong by asking her to stop touching you. Don't feel guilty.

Queenofthestress Tue 24-Oct-17 16:48:15

Damn right youre not being unreasonable, I moved round my pushchair so it was inbetween me and a stranger that seemed desperate for a hug

Dustbunny1900 Tue 24-Oct-17 16:48:44

Ew what? Thigh stroking?? confused so she caresses your upper legs while you're both sitting?
I forget where, but I saw a diagram of the places most people feel is socially acceptable to be touched by non-intimate acquatences. Thighs is waaay out of bounds. Most people have the social intelligence to know , or to see that your uncomfortable via body language or facial expressions. That's intrusive af

PoisonousSmurf Tue 24-Oct-17 16:50:19

Do you think she's gay? Maybe she's testing you out?

florapearl Tue 24-Oct-17 16:55:08

I don't think she is gay but I really don't like it. (Not a colleague.) I try to avoid her but she seeks me out.

FindoGask Tue 24-Oct-17 16:59:16

I think she's left you with no choice but to be blunt really. It's a shame she's upset - and a shame that now you're feeling bad - but you didn't do anything at all wrong.

I've got a colleague a bit like this - she gets right up in my face when she's telling me stuff, and sometimes actually holds on to my arm as if to stop me moving away! I do like her and she's not doing it on purpose, but I really do hate it.

2017SoFarSoGood Tue 24-Oct-17 16:59:41

good for you! So many times we allow things to happen so that others don't feel uncomfortable, ignoring our own boundaries. You were so right, and strong.

Kbear Tue 24-Oct-17 17:04:48

I go to a social thing where everyone hugs on arrival - I hate it. I sign in and sit down and wave to people as they come in and keep a water bottle in my hand with the lid off and swig if anyone comes near me so I don't have to hug them. It wouldn't be as bad if one of the women really smells - and even as she wafts past it's offensive - sod being hugged by her!

I am a really sociable person, but I don't want to hug everyone....

This person touching the OP I would run a mile from and YANBU to be blunt here and tell her

Petalflowers Tue 24-Oct-17 17:05:50

If the softly, softly approach doesn't work, then you have to be blunt/firm. You did nothing wrong. I would hate it too.

nannybeach Tue 24-Oct-17 17:06:19

One thing gently touching someone on the arm, but rubbing your thighs, that is definitely rather odd.

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