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Is it unreasonable to tell parent if their child has been a bit of a git on a playdate?

(189 Posts)
CosmicStrider Tue 24-Oct-17 15:53:28

DH and I both work full time so don't do the play date thing much. Today has been the first time in a long time we have had one of DS's friends from school (both Y1).

The boy hasn't been naughty as such, but has a mouth on him. Very cheeky, for example he has said:

"If i knew it was going to be this rubbish I wouldn't have come"
"He isn't my friend" x 100
"I hate these toys. I am just going to sit on the stairs until this boring time is over"
"You must be a rubbish family as you have rubbish stuff"

He also likes to shriek in an earbleeding way.

My DH has said he isn't coming again. Not to the boy, but to me and I should tell his mum when she collect him. I won't. I think it is pointless and in the interests of maintaining a school playground relationship with her, just not worth any potential upset.

What do others do? Is it unreasonable to tell a parent their child has been a bit shitty, and risk upsetting them, if there has been no real harm done?

TheQueenOfWands Tue 24-Oct-17 15:55:31

You smile through gritted teeth, say they've been delightful, drink a bottle of wine alone in the dark and never invite them again.

FacelikeaBagofHammers Tue 24-Oct-17 15:55:33

I wouldn't. I just wouldn't invite him back.

SootSprite Tue 24-Oct-17 15:56:38

I would have ended the play date after the second gobby remark. I’d say to his mother that you don’t think he enjoyed himself as he said your house, toys and family were rubbish. She needs to know. Wouldn’t you want to be told if your child had been so disrespectful and rude?

CosmicStrider Tue 24-Oct-17 15:57:15

I have a lovely bottle of prosecco challenge for later grin

phoenix1973 Tue 24-Oct-17 15:58:09

I just don't have them round again.
Not all kids are like that, some are easier than others. With the mouthy, messy ones I take them to the park with a ball and let them play for a couple of hours, rather than having them in the house.
I cant choose my child's mates, but I don't have to suffer 2 hours of gobshite in my own home.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Tue 24-Oct-17 15:58:18

Not inviting a child back speaks volumes.

I have said something once though, because visiting child had been throwing toys around (after being asked not to) and then started throwing them at the baby, so he got told off and I had him sit in the kitchen for a few mins to calm down.

tinygirlsmum Tue 24-Oct-17 15:59:10

I’d want to know. I’d just say on pick up “it was lovely to have you, I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy yourself” and wait for questions to be asked!

ProperLavs Tue 24-Oct-17 15:59:42

I would have told the child what he was saying was rude and if he carried on I would tell his mother to come and get him.

WinteryWalk Tue 24-Oct-17 15:59:44

I could have exactly written your post a few weeks ago. I just told the mum that he had been fine and I certainly won't invite him back, cheeky little sods!

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin Tue 24-Oct-17 16:00:26

I'd have replied "ahh well I'll call your mum to come get you" and I'd have done it. I wouldn't take that sort of rudeness from my own kids without some kind of comeback let alone someone else's. And I've told his mother the reason too. "He says his bored and it's rubbish and boring here so he may as well go home" your own DS must be fed up with him too.

WinteryWalk Tue 24-Oct-17 16:00:55

'Fine' rather than 'brilliant, great to have him etc' if you know what I mean!

QuiteLikely5 Tue 24-Oct-17 16:01:25

I would genuinely want to know if my child was rude or misbehaving- what sort of person wouldn’t?

chitofftheshovel Tue 24-Oct-17 16:01:28

I would want to know if that was my child saying stuff like that. But then mine wouldn't say stuff like that cos they've been dragged up proper so maybe the child's parents wouldn't want to know.

livefornaps Tue 24-Oct-17 16:02:32

I think his remarks are awful and belie an attitude that stinks. "You must be a rubbish family because you have rubbish stuff"?! I'd tell the snooty little twerp to sod off (I wouldn't!). I certainly wouldn't want that kind of attitude rubbing off on any child of mine though.

When the mum comes, I would just smile breezily and say to the child "some of what we said today wasn't very nice, was it? What did we say?" then watch him squirm and hand the nightmare child back.

Then wine!

Chchchchangeabout Tue 24-Oct-17 16:02:33

I would want to know as the parent, but to be told gently. Maybe think about what you would like the parent to do if situations were reversed?

WinteryWalk Tue 24-Oct-17 16:02:45

Although looking at it the other way, I'd be so embarrassed to think that my child would behave like that, I wouldn't know and the mum would always think that about them/me. But I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to speaking up in tricky situations!

MrsJBaptiste Tue 24-Oct-17 16:03:07

Yes, definitely tell them. In a nice way but let them know they have a little shit for a child.

DS had a party a few years ago and two of the kids were horrendous. When their parents picked them up and asked if they'd been ok I said 'well, there have been arguments and tears which I wasn't expecting - laugh' but it let them know I hadn't had a barrel of fun looking after their kids.

spankhurst Tue 24-Oct-17 16:03:07

Another one who would absolutely want to know if my child had been brattish on a play date.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 24-Oct-17 16:04:18

I would have ended it after the first rude remarks. Just grit your teeth, smile and never have him again.

Chocolaterainbows Tue 24-Oct-17 16:04:26

You smile through gritted teeth, say they've been delightful, drink a bottle of wine alone in the dark and never invite them again.

LOVE THIS wine

youarenotkiddingme Tue 24-Oct-17 16:06:08

If you have the guts (I would now but not when ds was 6!) if she asks if he's had a good time I'd smile and say "I don't think he did as he's told me many times my house is boring with rubbish toys and we must be a rubbish family. I've told him sorry he feels like that and it's fine because we won't invite him back again".

Flicketyflack Tue 24-Oct-17 16:06:41

Simple solution don’t invite again wink

Flicketyflack Tue 24-Oct-17 16:11:58

I think it depends on what you think would be gained by saying?

If the child us badly behaved the chances are the parents know and do not care enough to try & alter behaviour or they think it is acceptable which us why child is like it.

Therefore what would be gained, you may feel better? Whats the cost to you, your child & your relationships at school for the next five years?

I would put it down to experience & not invite again.

UnicornSlippers Tue 24-Oct-17 16:15:10

I wouldn't say much to the parent/s and just not invite him again. DD has had a couple of 'one visit only and never a--fucking--gain' friends over the years. It happens grin

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