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Uncle's wedding and pregnancy

(126 Posts)
orionpie Tue 24-Oct-17 15:27:38

Name changed for this . I possibly am being unreasonable but would like some one else’s perspective.

Basically my uncle (mum’s brother) is getting married for the third time in two weeks time . I’m due in one week but all of my other three kids were born at 41 weeks exactly . The wedding was a last minute deal and only booked four months ago . It’s a weekend type event where everyone will be staying for the weekend .
I’m a lone parent - husband left for OW in early pregnancy and hasn’t bothered with the kids since . The only support I have are my grandparents and my parents . I was relying on my parents (they offered) to look after my younger three when I go into labour , my last baby was an emcs so there’s a higher possibility that this one will be too . But today I’ve been told that if I go into labour the days before / the day of or anytime during the wedding weekend then nobody will be available to watch them and my gran who was going to be my birth partner also won’t be doing that .

I know I probably am being unreasonable but I literally have nobody now to look after my kids should I need it and I’ll be giving birth , possibly having a csection on my own . I have no money for a babysitter and definitely no money for a doula . What happens in this sort of situation where there’s genuinely NOBODY who could have the kids ? Can they go to the hospital with me? The middle child has sensory issues and wouldn’t be able to deal with a stranger even if I could afford a babysitter !

Aibu to feel like I’ve been let down a bit ?

Sooooooooooooooooooooo Tue 24-Oct-17 15:36:10

What do your family expect you to do?

MonkeyJumping Tue 24-Oct-17 15:39:33

Yanbu at all.

I think you need to have a serious chat with your family.

Bottom line if you're in hospital, social services can take your children temporarily but does your family really want their grandchildren going to strangers, even for a couple of days?

PandorasXbox Tue 24-Oct-17 15:39:55

They won’t be able to go to hospital with you.

I’m flabbergasted at your family tbh. Fingers crossed you you have the baby before the wedding.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 24-Oct-17 15:40:15

No, you poor thing. Talk about being stitched up by your own family... very uncaring of them. Do they not understand that you can't exactly clench and keep baby in for an extra couple of days? Does your Mum not see this? It's his 3rd wedding too.

orionpie Tue 24-Oct-17 15:40:26

I don’t know what they expect me to do . I was just told this this morning . I haven’t spoken to them since , I’m really upset

Palegreenstars Tue 24-Oct-17 15:40:40

I'm so sorry for you. Do they understand the situation?

Perhaps your midwife can let u know of other support

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin Tue 24-Oct-17 15:41:49

I know someone who had no one to look after her older children when she had her youngest. No dad around even and they had to go into foster care for a few days while she had the baby and stayed in hospital.

Have you got any friends who will at least take the children for a night or 2? Even school mum friends? I'd do it in a heart beat for someone in your position I'm so sorry your family have potentially ditched you! Best suggestion I can think of if there really is no one is to talk to your midwife asap about what to do. Most will have faced this before I don't think it's that unusual. Hope the birth is an uncomplicated one.

chitofftheshovel Tue 24-Oct-17 15:42:28

I'm not surprised you're upset. I don't suppose the children's father would step up to his responsibilities?

Hillarious Tue 24-Oct-17 15:42:37

Your husband surely needs to take on some responsibility here.

Freshprincess Tue 24-Oct-17 15:42:46

You're definitely not being Unreasonable. Who told you they wont be there?

orionpie Tue 24-Oct-17 15:42:46

I understand I may be getting worked up over nothing and that baby might surprise me and come a bit earlier . But I’m upset that a wedding is going to take priority over my baby being born

Santawontbelong Tue 24-Oct-17 15:42:57

Would any parents from the school /school / a teacher be willing to help out?

Hillarious Tue 24-Oct-17 15:44:39

If it is short term foster care, I just want to say that I have a good friend who is a foster carer and she is just lovely. I have no doubt that foster carers would do an excellent job looking after your children for what will be a short-term, positive reason.

Lostflipflop Tue 24-Oct-17 15:44:48

Speak to your midwife for advice. Worst case scenario would be that the children would go into forster care for a few days.

Your family sounds so selfish.

Do you have support for after the baby is born?

orionpie Tue 24-Oct-17 15:45:00

My parents told me this morning that it had been discussed . I don’t even know where my husband is ! His parents ignore my calls so I haven’t tried finding out for a while . The kids are on half term this week but asking a school parent may be an option . I don’t really know any of them but they seem nice enough

PandorasXbox Tue 24-Oct-17 15:45:23

Are you speaking to your arse of a husband? Is it with a shot trying to explain you might need him to look after his children? Sorry you’re in this shitty situation OP. Feel for you.

PandorasXbox Tue 24-Oct-17 15:45:50

X post with you OP.

chitofftheshovel Tue 24-Oct-17 15:48:27

Honestly if someone I barely knew asked me to help out in this situation I would in a flash, let alone if it was a friend.

You have every right to be upset. And getting worked up, as you say, is totally understandable.

Nicknacky Tue 24-Oct-17 15:48:43

Can the kids go on the wedding weekend with their grandparents?

Anmi0802 Tue 24-Oct-17 15:50:26

Hi darling, where do you live? If it's on the weekend I can help, if we are close? Help for free. I also have a son who is 21 months but we can sort something out? But I think you should have a serious conversation with your familiy and explain the situation

orionpie Tue 24-Oct-17 15:52:26

The bride has said it’s a child free wedding which is why I wouldn’t have been going even if I wasn’t so pregnant . So the kids can’t go . My sister lives abroad but she’s texting me right now and suggested I ask a neighbour . One of my neighbours is nice enough she’s about 70 though and I don’t know her well but she’s always passing bits of food through the fence to the dog and chatting to the kids when they’re in the garden so I could bring it up with her

WinteryWalk Tue 24-Oct-17 15:53:22

Oh OP that's awful. Are you sure they 100% mean that they won't look after your children if you're having a baby. Is your H the father? Is there any way you could try to contact him again and explain? Where are you?

WinteryWalk Tue 24-Oct-17 15:54:04

Where does your sister live? Could she come over and help? Is she going to the wedding??

Iris65 Tue 24-Oct-17 15:55:13

I am so sorry. This is awful. I hope you get some support.

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