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To grieve over lost friendship (even though I knew it wasn't great)

(3 Posts)
StrangerThanThis Tue 24-Oct-17 13:47:22

Longish friendship, not really close, but still a loss at my age. I'm in my 50s and have health issues, so not easy to cultivate "new" friendships and not even sure thats what I want. I even wonder if I am becoming quite reclusive, and finding the one or two friends I have left quite disappointing sad.

To recap about my friend, I always felt worse after seeing her or speaking to her. She was so ME! ME! ME! it was exhausting, literally! I probably drew back a bit when I felt she wasn't really interested in my life that I was more of a social companion or sounding board or counsellor (she was a terrible gossip too!).

But she was lively, funny at times, and not a bad person. I miss her, and our shared memories and humour, and feel surprisingly sad about it at times.

Last time I rang her in March she quickly said I'll call you back but never did. I take this as a goodbye, which is fair enough, as earlier in the year I was dreading hearing from her and her long monologues.

But do miss her. Weird.

KeepServingTheDrinks Tue 24-Oct-17 13:52:35

I think it's fair enough to grieve - it is a loss.

I'm approaching my 50s, and I hope I still have the capacity to make new friends. If there's a void in your life, make a change, perhaps? Think of a new hobby (something that genuinely interests you) and start it. You might meet new people that way, and who knows whether or not friendships may follow.

splendidisolation Tue 24-Oct-17 13:53:06

I think what I've learnt is certain friends do certain things for me and vice versa.

I have the madcap friends who always have a story to tell, laugh a minute, always a new dramatic situation, childlike feeling of getting up to no good with them, nights out - but they may be flaky or unpredictable.

Then there are the friends you can rely on, the ones ready to help you out, and you help them - but maybe not the liveliest folk to be around.

The eccentrics who give you fascinating setting the world right convos and the chance to inhabit a different life - but not great at staying in touch.

The ones like sisters, annoy the fuck out of you sometomes9but you know you're solid.

And then you have tjese same facets for different people.

Take people as they come and let the relationship take its course and take on its own rhythm. Some you whatsapp all day long. Others you feel very deeply for but mayne only see two or three tomes a year. Some you have sporadic contact with.

That would be my advice - just let each friendship develop naturally and never take things personally.

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