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To murder my neighbour?

(81 Posts)
CopperHandle Tue 24-Oct-17 10:11:43

(light hearted, in case that isn't clear)

He's a nice man, bit odd perhaps, but always waved and we take it in turns to put each other's bins out, collect parcels etc. He has awful taste in music, but keeps it down - it's just thin walls unfortunately.

However, he is a persistent, malicious and continuous whistler.
It's constant. From about 6am (in the courtyard directly below my bedroom window so he's practically in bed worth me, doing it in my ear) to 10pm he whistles. Tunelessly.
I hate whistling with an irrational passion. It serves no purpose other than to entertain the perpetrator and, in my mind, is the sort of thing that serial killers do when skinning their victims.

WIBU to kill him?

and for those who will inevitably take the serious note, roll their eyes and tell me to ask him to stop - I'm far too much of a coward

Nanasueathome Tue 24-Oct-17 10:12:32

Thats fine

sinceyouask Tue 24-Oct-17 10:13:07

Perfectly acceptable. No jury in the land would convict for that.

UrsulaPandress Tue 24-Oct-17 10:13:35

Aw. My grandad used to whistle all the time. Badly. Sort of inward instead of outward.

Kitee Tue 24-Oct-17 10:14:28

Do it.

Whistling is INFURIATING.

JeReviens Tue 24-Oct-17 10:16:06

Shopping in Lidl yesterday with ten thousand other people and a whistler. By the time I left my blood pressure was through the roof and I was on my way home to pick up a lump hammer to ensure he never whistled again. Ever.
It is without doubt the worst noise on the planet so YANBU. If you don't murder him I'll do it for you.

thetemptationofchocolate Tue 24-Oct-17 10:17:13

My dad is a whistler. I feel your pain smile

OydNeverDeclinesGin Tue 24-Oct-17 10:18:24

Do it. I'll provide an alibi. My blood pressure has risen just reading that! angry

WhatchaMaCalllit Tue 24-Oct-17 10:19:22

A tad nay a smidge extreme perhaps to murder the man....couldn't you just pop a little note through his door saying "Hi Tuneless, I'm not sure you're aware but the walls are paper thin and your whistling from break of dawn to sunset has me twitching and developing a nervous tick. It is hallowe'en season too so I'd hate for some awful accident to befall you. Cheery-bye - Penny Wise"
Should get the point across don't you think???

Finola1step Tue 24-Oct-17 10:20:34

Do you have a patio under which said neighbour could be hidden?

coldcanary Tue 24-Oct-17 10:20:42

I’ll hold your coat. DD has just learnt to whistle ‘properly’ —badly— and I’m starting to wish I was a little bit more deaf than I actually am!

NoCryLilSoftSoft Tue 24-Oct-17 10:20:58

Yep. Whistling =instant death in my house.

CopperHandle Tue 24-Oct-17 10:23:01

Oh good, I was expecting to have my arse handed to be but instead it looks like I've got a team!

CopperHandle Tue 24-Oct-17 10:23:11


Clandestino Tue 24-Oct-17 10:29:09

We had a flatmate back in times when were were young and poor and had to share. The flatmate would whistle but it was never to the tune of the song. It was two sounds only. Up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down ......
Beat this.

ifonly4 Tue 24-Oct-17 10:30:52

yep do it! Your alibi - you were out buying earplugs! At least he's happy.

BriechonCheese Tue 24-Oct-17 10:33:03

Whistling is the work of the devil.

Lweji Tue 24-Oct-17 10:33:55

Invite him for a leg of lamb roast. Use a frozen leg and make sure he arrives while it's still frozen. wink

ChardonnaysPrettySister Tue 24-Oct-17 10:35:57

Lemons help.

If you show a whistler a lemon their mouth fills with saliva and they cannot whistle anymore.

So ring the doorbell at regular intervals and show him a lemon.

Not sure what excuse you will find to do so though.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Tue 24-Oct-17 10:41:09

I'm on the team as well. I can't abide whistling under most circumstances, unless it's really tuneful. Our butcher, when I was a child, was an excellent warbling whistler - sounded great!!
DH sounds like he has a massive gap between his 2 front teeth and makes me want to knock them out. The children, so far, can't whistle and I sincerely hope it stays that way.

My grandmother used to say, when we were children, "a whistling woman and a cackling hen are neither fit for God nor men" - I didn't really understand it when I was a child, but now!! oh yes. But not just a whistling woman, obviously - ALL random and tuneless whistlers.

InsomniacAnonymous Tue 24-Oct-17 10:41:52

"So ring the doorbell at regular intervals and show him a lemon."

I was just imagining that and it's very funny! grin

AlexsMum89 Tue 24-Oct-17 10:43:02

yep, no problem.
I feel your pain. My husband is a whistler, as is his mum. He takes it as a mortal offence if I dare to insult his whistling so I simply have to ask him to stop sometimes or distract him, rather than tell him the truth that I hate it with every fibre of my being.
Good luck

MoistCantaloupe Tue 24-Oct-17 10:44:09

@ChardonnaysPrettySister You are saving lives with this lemon tip, well done!

Do you think we could anonymously post pictures of lemons as well, to save on having to buy the real things? Could always email pictures from specifically made 'lemon picture account' as well.

Ttbb Tue 24-Oct-17 10:44:53

I don't think you have to kill him-surely he won't be able to whistle anymore if you just knock out all his teeth?

Santawontbelong Tue 24-Oct-17 10:45:30

My neighbour was actually murdered. . . sad

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