To be completely fed up

[Misstomrs]

Long story shortly DS's birth was completely mismanaged by a trainee midwife who was failed from her course for not noticing my DS's heart rate (CTG) was pathological. I'd had HG all the way through my pregnancy so was feeling pretty rough anyway but then had a really aggressive - sorry, 'forceful' - forceps delivery & massive episiotomy because there was total panic after the whole CTG thing.

Anyway, since then, over a year ago, my episiotomy scar has been very sore, and I haven't been able to gage sex because it's too painful. All of that was put in the back burner though as I was also totally incontinent so the consultant at the hospital focused on that with physio, medication, continence nurse etc.

Over a year on and my continence is as good as it's going to get, which I've accepted. So, attention has turned back to the other issues. I raised them 6 months ago at my last consultant appointment when I saw a Reg who said it was a different issue and I would need to be referred back in & I didn't need another continence appointment as there was nothing else they could do short of the mesh surgery that's been all over the papers. I disagrredand insisted on another review. I also arranged the other referral with my GP.

Yesterday I saw the Consultant who explained I never needed a new referral that - having examined me - I clearly needed corrective day surgery for my scar, and more, different physio, for a permanently cramped internal muscle that was preventing sex. She also told me to buy a vibrator to try and stretch everything back out as it's now been cramped for over a year.

At the end of the session we discussed any future children and I was reassured I would never be put through such an awful experience again and would be put forward for a c section if that's what I wanted. Again, it just feels too late to tell me that when I've spent over a year worrying about it.

I just feel incredibly angry. I don't feel like a complete person anymore. I don't even really want to have sex anymore which is awful because I love my husband but after so long I'm not sure we'll ever get 'it' back to be honest. I feel I've lost my dignity.

How can it be right to leave someone like this?

Sorry, I know this is a long rambling post but I can't talk to my husband (he had PTSD after the birth), all my NCT / mum friends are completely fine and moved on so I just feel so alone.

[shakingmyhead1]

i would ask your consultant if there are any support groups for traumatic births or for some counseling sessions, it sounds like you would benefit from some fresh ears and some support maybe from others who have been thru similar experiences so understand some of what you are feeling and also what you are going thru to get better, sorry i dont have any advice as to where to go next ( our systems are different in NZ) I just didnt want you to feel over looked and im sure the morning crew will be in with some really good advice on what groups you can turn to for advice and support
HUGS

[LIZS]

Have you had counselling about the birth experience? There should be a senior midwife trained in counselling to talk you through it, and perhaps your dh too.

[Misstomrs]

Thanks ladies. I did access some counselling through my GP - as the hospital midwife service said it was more than they could deal with - but my DS was ill and they cancelled my other sessions as I missed the first one. No need for more answers as apparexiate this is a bit of a non-topic. Just needed to let it out. Thank you again for posting