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Furious at DH for childish behaviour!

(8 Posts)
BabyKangaroo90 Tue 24-Oct-17 00:55:19

So my parents have to come to stay for a few days. I don't seen them very often as they don't live locally and never ever stay with us. DH has been very grumpy with lots of mood swings the past few days. Not sure why, he says it's because he's tired and needs time off work. My DM is very fragile at the moment as her Mum my Nan is very very unwell and likely to pass away in the next few days. My DD's brother is very ill with terminal cancer and is also likely to pass away in the next few days sadly so fair to say everyone's a bit wobbly at the moment. DH and my parents usually get on very well but don't like it when he is so snappy towards me. He has anxiety and always says "oh it's my anxiety, you don't understand" and blames his behaviour on that however I'm always VERY understanding and let things slide really quickly. He's also been on edge about the fact that he spent over £200 on football and left us really skint for the rest of the month. He's apologised and realised it probably wasn't the best idea but I thought we were over that. I have never once had a go at him about it though!

So fast forward to tonight at about 11.30, my parents and I are having a bit of a laugh and a joke downstairs while DH is asleep. He has work tomorrow. He wakes up, shouts down to me to shut up and literally slams the door! I am so embarrassed and now everyone is feeling uncomfortable and awkward about his outburst. I understand being woken up isn't great but it's not like it was all hours through the night it was once at 11.30. My mum then goes on to tell me how worried my dad is about me when he behaves like this.

He then starts messaging me telling me how out of order I am!! I am so angry with him I feel I just need to get this all out of my system before tomorrow. I guess I'm just not sure if IABU or if he's over reacting?

Lapdog22 Tue 24-Oct-17 01:24:42

You are definitely not over reacting. His behaviour is completely out of order. I am not surprised your parents don't like it when he is snappy towards you. They have noticed it are worried about you and no doubt that is the reason that they don't stay over often.

You have every right to have a laugh and a chat with your parents in your own home. Any reasonable partner would hear the noise and think my partner is having a nice time with her parents and I can go off to sleep soon.

Your DH's reaction is to slam the door and make your parents feel unwelcome and worried. He seems very concerned with his own anxiety and completely ignores the fact that your mum is very worried about your nan.

I honestly recommend that you stop being so understanding and stop letting things slide. He is quick to blame his anxiety on his unreasonable behaviour. Was it his anxiety that caused him to make you skint for the month? He didn't spend the money on you funnily enough.

The next time he says "oh it's my anxiety, you don't understand" you tell him that you fully understand but that his anxiety is no excuse for him to treat you as a second class citizen and that you will not be standing for it anymore. Call him on his behaviour towards your parents and tell him it won't be happening again.

My DD has been hospitalised on several occasions for mental health issues including anxiety. In the early days I tip toed around her and she did get a bit up herself. I made it very clear to her without shouting or getting cross that I am a person too and deserve to be treated with respect. She got the message quick and altered her behaviour. She is a little pet. When she gets upset and speaks sharply she immediately says 'sorry mum'.

Your husband needs to be called into line. If he is not getting the right support or medication you can sort that out. In the meantime take no crap from him. He is abusing your good nature.

I went to counselling to find ways to deal with my DD's illness and it was really great. I learned skills on how to deal with my DD which keeps our relationship on great terms. She is still anxious at times but never takes it out on me or the rest of our family.

CocoPuffsinGodMode Tue 24-Oct-17 01:25:44

The fact that your parents have commented in the past about how he speaks to you and your dad is worried about it suggests this isn’t a one off because he’s tired/stressed or whatever. They don’t like the way he treats you.

Yes it’s annoying to be woken from your sleep but he’s really making a meal of it by messaging you isn’t he? Does he generally feel the need to go on about it when he’s been discommoded? And I’m sorry but I don’t get why him fucking up with the £200 seems to be included as one of the things you think may be upsetting him. So yes I think he’s overreacting and I wonder if you tend to underreact to how your DH behaves towards you..

keepcalmandfuckon Tue 24-Oct-17 01:52:06

He doesn’t sound like a nice guy tbh. And he spent 200 pounds on football and left you skint?! Bloody hell, he’s got his priorities right doesn’t he! Why are you with him?

Topseyt Tue 24-Oct-17 02:04:22

Stop being so understanding to a manchild who is behaving like an abusive arse.

I'd have texted him back telling him to shut the fuck up to be honest. I might also be tempted to go home with your parents when they go and leave him to stew while you and they discuss your next move with regard to his utter twattery.

Everything lapdog said with bells on. Sounds like you need to tell him a few home truths otherwise he will continue to treat you like shit. How dare he embarrass you in front of your parents, it's your home too

PyongyangKipperbang Tue 24-Oct-17 02:10:02

Its not all about him is it?

Thats the problem.

I suspect that his anxiety is a reason for all the attention to be on him but with your mum and your DD (and you, its your nan after all) needing love and support more than him right now, he is feeling all sorry for himself. So he has to kick off until he ges the attention he wants and then you compound your "crime" by actually daring to have fun with someone else when he "needs" you.

Ring any bells? How is he on your birthday or on occasions that matter to you?

FangsAlot Tue 24-Oct-17 02:13:50

He's an utter twat!

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