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Or is exH? Childcare and maintenance.

(58 Posts)
JParkson Mon 23-Oct-17 20:53:19

Ok this has probably been done to death but I'm struggling to understand who is right and who isn't.. ..

Ex H and I have full shared arrangement of our 3 children. 50/50. I have them Monday Tuesday, he has them weds and Thurs, then we alternate weekends.

I used to pay for 100% of the childcare and nearly beggared myself doing so as I was earning half of what exH does. ExH paid a pittance such is maintenance and said that was all he was going to give me. If I wanted him to cover the childcare for his days then he'd stop paying maintenance.

In the end something had to give. I agreed.

His reasoning is that if he pays me maintenance then that covers all childcare costs even if the children go to a minder on the days where he is lead contact for parental issues (i.e. the nights where the children stay with him, he's responsible for them, so any problems at school, he gets the phonecall not me).

Whereas the way I see it is that those days he is demanding 100% responsibility for the children and this includes arranging and thus paying for any childcare as appropriate.

My reasoning is also that maintenance is payable - he's receiving a discount for having them half the week, so from my conversations with CMA and also calculations on the government website, he does have to pay. He says not.

Who is right?

Invisimamma Mon 23-Oct-17 21:01:58

Yes you’re right but you know that already.

He should be paying for childcare for his days, and maintenance.

Why not just stop paying / arranging childcare for his days and leave it up to him to sort?

Gertrudesings Mon 23-Oct-17 21:03:34

I have exactly the same arrangement as you. No maintenance. We each pay for the childcare on the day we have the DC's for the night?

I don't see where the problem is?

StickThatInYourPipe Mon 23-Oct-17 21:05:09

I'm confused, does each parent pay maintenance to the other when the cold care is split 50/50?

He should be paying for childcare on his days

Gertrudesings Mon 23-Oct-17 21:05:35

If it's 50/50 care there's no maintenance to pay is there?! EXH earns more than me (about 10k difference) but as it's 50/50 my solicitor said maintenance isn't due. Which is fair enough I think?

JParkson Mon 23-Oct-17 21:06:16

I've done this.

I've asked him to cough up for maintenance again as advised by CMS, and he's refusing, saying if he does that then he'll stop paying for childcare. Note - his childcare!

I've tried to tell him that he's welcome to do that but he'd have to arrange alternative. He said that no, it'd be my responsibility as I get the maintenance.

Head meet wall.

NapQueen Mon 23-Oct-17 21:07:26

Just say to the CM / Nursery "Please invoice me for every mon and tues plus every other friday. Please invoice ex for weds and thurs and every other fri".

There shouldnt be any maintenance as its 50 50.

StickThatInYourPipe Mon 23-Oct-17 21:07:45

But why would you get maintenance you have 50/50 care?

Invisimamma Mon 23-Oct-17 21:09:32

Actually, other posters are correct, no maintenance is due if care is 50/50 but he should still pay his own childcare.

Just don’t pay it! Ask your childcare to send him the invoice for his days.

chitofftheshovel Mon 23-Oct-17 21:11:12

I too don't think nderstand why he is due to pay maintenance when you have 50/50 shared access. Is there a reason for this?

Gertrudesings Mon 23-Oct-17 21:11:56

Exactly. I told our childcare provider and EXH that I will be booking and paying for my days. I won't book or pay for his because that's confused

Cakefortea1 Mon 23-Oct-17 21:14:01

If the arrangement is 50/50 my understanding is no maintenance is payable?

Belleoftheball8 Mon 23-Oct-17 21:14:20

I’m with your exh you both share 50/50 care and you want half childcare costs plus maintenance on top. Would be different if you were the RP and had majority care but your not in the case therefore your not entitled to maintenance.

StickThatInYourPipe Mon 23-Oct-17 21:14:30


I don't think he is asking for the op to pay for childcare on his days, he has said he won't pay them if OP demands maintence payments when they are 50/50

JParkson Mon 23-Oct-17 21:15:50

According to CMS maintenance is due. I don't understand it. They say it's up to me if I want to claim.

I organise all appointments. Parents evenings. Doctors, dentists etc are all my responsibility.

He often expects me to take time off or arrange suitable cover on his days if the kids are ill, or he forgets to arrange suitable holiday care.

I have finally hit my limit when he did this to me this week... I started a new job last week and then he tells me that actually the half term holiday he claimed responsibility for, actually no he won't do it due to work commitments. Cue pressure to help him arrange cover.

I did one day and have paid for it dearly.

Lottie509 Mon 23-Oct-17 21:16:26

If care is 50/50 why would you receive maintenance?

Invisimamma Mon 23-Oct-17 21:16:56

I missed the 50/50 bit, but I agree that means no maintenance and they should each pay childcare for their own days.

JParkson Mon 23-Oct-17 21:17:01

I refuse to pay his childcare.

At the moment he pays it.

Justoneme Mon 23-Oct-17 21:17:43

You need to give us the whole story ... how much are you getting for maintenance? And how much is for childcare?

I think you are aware 50/50 means no maintenance..

Redhead17 Mon 23-Oct-17 21:18:08

My ex had DD 3 weekends out of the month, no maintenance, he goes halves on uniform etc and sees her when we can

Lottie509 Mon 23-Oct-17 21:18:09

Your 50/50 care arrangement doesn't sound like it works if he isn't sticking to it, Sounds like it needs revising.

Invisimamma Mon 23-Oct-17 21:18:13

Just don’t do it Op make it clear - his days, his children, his responsibility.

JParkson Mon 23-Oct-17 21:18:35

My reasoning is that although he has the kids 50/50 quite often responsibility is very much skewed towards me.

JParkson Mon 23-Oct-17 21:18:51

Or certainly feels that way. Maybe IABU

NapQueen Mon 23-Oct-17 21:19:46

If its 50/50 then its your fault for taking on extra. Dont send overnight bags, they should have clothes there. Dont buy birthday gifts for parties they go to on his weekends etc.

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