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AIBU to think DD1 does have a hard life? People keep telling me she hasn't!

(246 Posts)
AshleighandKelseyandMatthew Mon 23-Oct-17 18:36:42

DD is 21 and a newly qualified nurse, she went to a top uni for nursing a good 2 hours away from home, so it was rather stressful. Her student accommodation was extremely expensive (her grandfather helped pay but she does owe me some money for it).

She now lives in that town in a rather demanding job, full-time, trying to pay her rent (expensive) and pay for food, etc. I help her out and do help with her washing, etc. when I can, but that’s because she is extremely busy with her job.

I think it’s been hard for her.

DD2 thinks I’m having a giraffe, but she would say that! She brings up severe cases of ‘hard lives’ and says I should save my sympathy. I obviously am going to think of my children first though, aren’t I?

Friend thinks she’s had it very lucky with all the help. However, there are lots of people who have it better too...

So, AIBU to think this?

Ecureuil Mon 23-Oct-17 18:39:08

She works full time and has to pay rent and pay for food? It sounds like many peoples lives TBH!
When I left uni I worked full time and long hours, 2.5 hours from home. Unfortunately no one did my washing!

Treaclespongeandcustard Mon 23-Oct-17 18:39:17

DD1's life sounds about normal to me. None of my (or my mates) mums do our washing. You're soft. Then again, when my DD1 is older I may well do the same grin

Sirzy Mon 23-Oct-17 18:39:42

Doesn’t sound like a hard life, doesn’t sound like an “easy” one but certainly not hard.

Bambamber Mon 23-Oct-17 18:39:52

I personally wouldn't say that's a hard life, sounds pretty standard to me. Of course it's not exactly easy, but maybe we all interpret what a hard life is differently.

PoundsShillingsPence Mon 23-Oct-17 18:40:30

She's 21 and you do her washing!!! Yeah she's got it hard............

AshleighandKelseyandMatthew Mon 23-Oct-17 18:40:54

I don’t do her washing all the time, just if I can.

Ecureuil Mon 23-Oct-17 18:41:02

Out of interest, why was her being at uni 2 hours from home ‘stressful’? It’s fairly standard I think.

Bufferingkisses Mon 23-Oct-17 18:41:16

Being lucky and having it tough are not mutually exclusive!

There will always be someone worse off or who's had had it harder, that is a route to never helping anyone at all.

So long as you are not helping your dd to the exclusion of others who need assistance such as dd2 then I don't see the issue. Dd1 will need to stand on her own at some point. Full time nq nurses do manage their own lives (washing etc) but I see no harm in helping the transition.

Bruceishavingfish Mon 23-Oct-17 18:41:49

It really depends.

If you are constantly going in about it and knackering yourself to help her out because she has it so hard.....peoplr get sick of hearing it and will start thinking you are ridiculous.

At some point she is going to have pay her own bills (i assume thats what you meant when saying helping her out) and do her own washing.

My mum did similar for my brother. Helped pay bills, washed, cooked etc. He is 40 this year and still doesnt stand on his own 2 feet.

Haudyerwheesht Mon 23-Oct-17 18:41:56

No I don't think she has a hard life? I don't think I did either but I didn't have monetary help or anyone doing my washing ...

Wolfiefan Mon 23-Oct-17 18:42:16

She works full time? Why exactly is it so hard? confused
I'm with DD2.
No reason you shouldn't support DD1 but it's hardly a dreadful life living on the breadline with an abusive partner and kids you can't feed is it?!

missyB1 Mon 23-Oct-17 18:42:17

Well the life of a nurse is never easy that’s for sure! It’s nice that you help her out, I didn’t have any family support when I was a young nurse and I really struggled.

bridgetreilly Mon 23-Oct-17 18:42:37

Seems completely normal.

sayyouwill Mon 23-Oct-17 18:42:37

Nah sounds normal!

thethoughtfox Mon 23-Oct-17 18:42:43

She gets help to pay rent while studying and you help with washing etc? That's a (relatively) easy life.

Hellywelly10 Mon 23-Oct-17 18:43:00

We're all privileged information the UK.

Bruceishavingfish Mon 23-Oct-17 18:43:11

And to be fair, her life is like most peoples. Busy, working hard, sorting bills.

Its called being an adult.

krustykittens Mon 23-Oct-17 18:43:12

Um, it sounds pretty normal - sorry!

Hellywelly10 Mon 23-Oct-17 18:43:18

In not information

Pandoraslastchance Mon 23-Oct-17 18:43:28

Sorry but she will be doing either 3 long shifts or 5 short shifts a week so why can she not do her own washing? At a similar age I was newly qualified, had a child and a house to run and I certainly didn't have a mother to run around after me.

If she is struggling financially then she needs to move to a more affordable area.

Ameliablue Mon 23-Oct-17 18:43:32

Life is hard but it doesn't sound as if she has it harder than most.

IHaveBrilloHair Mon 23-Oct-17 18:44:40

It sounds normal for an adult life, it's not a walk in the park fore most people.
Uni two hours away, why is that hardconfused

ApocalypseNowt Mon 23-Oct-17 18:45:04

She's a grown up who has a job and pays bills.

Does anyone mind if i set up a gofundme for this poor woman? wink

Haudyerwheesht Mon 23-Oct-17 18:45:19

Yes ageee re uni - 2 hours is fairly local really.

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