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To think that I'm a bloody grown up and that I'll work wherever I want to and live wherever I want to?

(182 Posts)
HelpMeMike Mon 23-Oct-17 16:05:55

First of all let me start off by saying that I'm 26 and still live at home. My parents have always been slightly overprotective of me but I feel like the older I get, the more overprotective and controlling they become.

I've worked since I was 18 but only on part time contracts and I've always tried to take on as much overtime as I could to try and boost my hours up to as close to full time as I could but there were times when I was still working only my contract hours. Anyway I have just been offered a full time job in an area which I have no experience in but would like to work in so naturally I have accepted it. I told my parents fully expecting them to be happy for me but they (especially my dad) just went off it with me instead. They keep telling me that it will be too much for me, that I won't cope, I will be tired and I should just stay where I am (working 16 hours in a restaurant). I think I am a perfectly capable intelligent adult but they just keep making me feel so useless and thick.

I want to take this job and move out but it's the same thing with moving out too...they say I won't be able to afford it, it will be too much for me, etc.

I want to give this new job a try and start enjoying life a bit but they just seemed so determined to hold me back and I'm scared of the fall out that will happen if I go for it.

It's not wrong to want to live a bit, is it?

Ttbb Mon 23-Oct-17 16:07:33

Your parents are being abusive. Just go.

HelpMeMike Mon 23-Oct-17 16:08:34

They are like this with a lot of things.

I passed my driving test four years ago but my dad will still always insist on sitting in the passenger seat when I drive and giving me 'driving training' as he calls it which consists of him mostly acting like a driving instructor and telling me what to do and how to do things. It really gives me self confidence a kick.

They make me feel so useless.

Ladyformation Mon 23-Oct-17 16:08:49

God, take the job and go!

Jaxhog Mon 23-Oct-17 16:08:58

What Ttbb said.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Mon 23-Oct-17 16:09:03

Not at all. They sound very controlling and I would have fled years ago! Congratulations on the new job. Will you be able to save for a deposit and move out? I would feel extremely smothered in your situation.

Nothing wrong at all with wanting to work full-time and be self-sufficient - the fact that they are actively discouraging you from doing this makes me question their motives to be honest. Go for it!

Rheged Mon 23-Oct-17 16:09:11

You don’t need their permission or approval. You’re a grown woman. Just leave.

Laiste Mon 23-Oct-17 16:09:15

Don't listen to them OP. Stop listening to them. Dripping negative poison in your ear.

trixymalixy Mon 23-Oct-17 16:09:42

You really need to get out of there!! Take the job!

HelpMeMike Mon 23-Oct-17 16:09:49

I should make it clear that my parents have done a lot for me. They aren't completley bad but they also put me down a lot and treat me like I'm about 12.

I want to move out but I'm scared I have no idea how to be an adult.

cardibach Mon 23-Oct-17 16:10:20

It’s absolutely not wrong of you to want to move out and live your own life, no. I’m also sure you will cope with the job - you wouldn’t have got it unless you had the right skills.
Whether you’ll be able to afford to move out depends on what you will earn and where you live, but I’m sure there is a way round any difficulties.

Trills Mon 23-Oct-17 16:10:32

You definitely need to move out.

Do they have any reason to believe you would be incapable of having full-time job and looking after yourself? Is there something you haven't mentioned?

Laiste Mon 23-Oct-17 16:10:38

I can tell you that you'll probably already have their words running round your head for the next umpteen years, so go now and start learning not to take notice! It's your life.

Laiste Mon 23-Oct-17 16:11:58

Xpost - well it's having it's effect already then! sad

You'l learn how to stand on your own 2 feet only one way OP. By going out and doing it flowers And you'll be FINE smile

IAmBreakmasterCylinder Mon 23-Oct-17 16:12:02

Congratulations on the new job! The people who have employed you must think you are capable.

It sounds like your parents don't want you to improve your own situation.

How soon will you be able to afford to move out? Can you start making a plan so that you know you'll be out of there soon?

It sounds incredibly draining. As long as you have faith in yourself that's what matters.

cardibach Mon 23-Oct-17 16:12:08

I’ll let you into a secret. None of us have any idea how to be an adult. We’re all making it up. (I’m 52, for reference).

Handsfull13 Mon 23-Oct-17 16:12:16

No one has an idea of how to be an adult. You learn as you go on and mistakes are normal to get there.
Take the job and once your settled in it then look at moving out.
Your parents did it once you just might have to remind them of that.
I'm 25 we just bought our own house and I have twin boys, I still don't know how to adult but I'm making it up day by day.
Good luck

KimmySchmidt1 Mon 23-Oct-17 16:12:56

I'm afraid that from the way you tell it your parents sound completely mental. It is they who need intervention to help them understand this paranoid fear and controlling behaviour. Did you have a sibling who died or something?

Is there anything in your past that you are not mentioning that would make more sense of their behaviour (such as a prior breakdown?).

You certainly need to do what is right for you - a key lesson of adulthood is that your parents frequently talk utter nonsense and cannot be relied on for advice!

HelpMeMike Mon 23-Oct-17 16:13:09

I have already looked at some places and worked it out and I know I will be able to afford it on a full time wage.

I think I need to grow a backbone, take the job and screw what anyone else thinks!

scrabbler3 Mon 23-Oct-17 16:13:50

Please start living your life! Accept the job, find somewhere to live, thank your parents for their hospitality, and go.

HelpMeMike Mon 23-Oct-17 16:15:19

No siblings at all. I am an only child.

I don't have any disabilities or SN's or anything. I am no different to any other 26 year old so why shouldn't I get to do the normal things everybody else does?

Booboobooboo84 Mon 23-Oct-17 16:15:42

This kind of control is a form of domestic abuse. You are more than capable

crunchtime Mon 23-Oct-17 16:15:57

are there any reasons for them being like? have you had serious health problems or do you have learning difficulties?

of no then go! do it or you will still be there when you are 40!

the only way to learn is by doing it!

Lethaldrizzle Mon 23-Oct-17 16:16:04

Run for the hills

ManchesterGin Mon 23-Oct-17 16:16:12

Go for it! You only get one life.
Your parents will have to get used to the changes.

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