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To send me 15 month old to nursery?

(24 Posts)
Bippitybopityboo Mon 23-Oct-17 14:24:38

DS is 15 months old and he's brilliant however he is not so great woth other children, he pull hair and smacks. Family have said it's a phase just he's awful at play groups etc. DH thinks a few hours a week at nursery may help but I'm worried sending him there is not a good move as I'm worried he will juse spend all that time hurting the other children sad I see so many annoyed threads on here about parents collecting their children when they've been hurt by another child and that would be DS.
We've done lots to try and stop this behaviour but it's getting embarrasing and is not pleasent for others.
Aibu to send him to nursery knowing he hurts other children?

Bippitybopityboo Mon 23-Oct-17 14:24:59

Tital was supposed to read my no me 🙈

Bippitybopityboo Mon 23-Oct-17 14:25:54

Sorry for so many typos!! blush

Bubblebubblepop Mon 23-Oct-17 14:27:10

I'm not sure why it would be unreasonable? My children went FT at nursery at 9months. It's fine. He'll probably love it

KarateKitten Mon 23-Oct-17 14:27:35

Send him to nursery if you like! Just make sure teachers are aware of your concerns. They will manage the situation appropriately or come back to you if there is a real issue.

Might be good for him.

RaeSkywalker Mon 23-Oct-17 14:30:53

I think you’d BU if you sent him without giving the nursery a heads up.

Bippitybopityboo Mon 23-Oct-17 14:45:50

I dont think it's unreasonable on him my worry is the other children. We have a meeting next week to let them know our concerns before we start. I just dread the incidents I feel like I know will happen.

Bubblebubblepop Mon 23-Oct-17 14:52:32

They'll be able to handle it OP. They'll have seen much worse!

GoodMorning1 Mon 23-Oct-17 14:53:46

Just tell the nursery your concerns. They'll have come across this before and will have strategies to deal with it. They'll probably appreciate the heads up.

My LO has only once been deliberately hurt by another child at nursery. The nursery dealt with it really well and I figure another time it could be my child who's done the hurting, so I'm not going to get uptight about it. Lots of them go through this phase.

DaisysStew Mon 23-Oct-17 15:00:03

My DS was awful around other children until he started nursery. Snatching, pushing and refusing to share/play along side others. Nursery has been brilliant for him, both in terms of how he interacts with other children and his confidence with adults (he used to scream if anyone said hello or tried to talk to him).

The first few months were rocky but I'm so glad I persevered as it's been a really positive influence.

TheBruteSquad Mon 23-Oct-17 15:02:43

Not unreasonable at all if that's what you want to do. Mention your concerns to the nursery, but this kind of behaviour isn't exactly uncommon in children this age and they will be prepared for it!!

I really wouldn't worry about other threads on here; I don't think anyone blames a 15 month old for hurting another child - I think all parents would understand a baby is not being malicious, they're still too young to understand and empathise. I think the other threads will be about the parents/Nursery's response.

twotired Mon 23-Oct-17 15:04:41

My DS was a 'grabby' baby, very handy with other children. He started nursery at 11 months when I went back to work and he was brilliant there and we only had one incident where he scratched another child (he was about 19mo). He had a few come home where he had been hurt by other children though.
Nurseries are great with this sort of thing, just flag your concerns when he starts. I don't think you ABU at all.

Bippitybopityboo Mon 23-Oct-17 15:33:49

Thankyou. I really hope it does some good for him this phase seems to be lasting so long and taking him out to play is a nightmare at the moment

Wolfiefan Mon 23-Oct-17 15:36:05

Saying it is just a phase isn't helpful. What do you actually do when he acts like this?

KarateKitten Mon 23-Oct-17 15:50:29

The reality is that many kids go through this phase but Willie is right, it's important how you react.

Ttbb Mon 23-Oct-17 15:52:46

Most children at that age are very inconsiderate but they do behave different around different people. Why not send him to the nursery to see how it goes?

Bippitybopityboo Mon 23-Oct-17 16:22:47

I tell him it's bad. We sit him on his mat away from us when we're at home but when we're out its much harder. He pulled a little girls hair last week and I tried to show him how sad he had made her. I'm not saying it's a phase I am just hoping that it really is one we try to praise him when he's loving or shares and not give him alot of attention when he hurts. We also say 'nice hands' when he hurts or pulls and he knowas that it means to be gentle and he does for a minute or so then stops again. I really am at a loss as what to do I'm not casually saying "it's a phase" I'm literally lost for ideas on what's best to do believe me I'd try anything as it makes me want to avoid situations completely where there are other children sad

MmmMalbec Mon 23-Oct-17 18:50:07

I don't think it's unreasonable to send him but I would definitely have a proper conversation with nursery about his behaviour. My son was grabbed, scratched and had his hair pulled twice by the same little boy at soft play and I was livid because his grandma was totally ignoring his behaviour and my son (and 3 other children) were left in tears and not wanting to play. I'd hate to think this was happening to my son at nursery and the staff weren't properly monitoring it. It's really not fair on the other children to be properly hurt when they're already in a vulnerable situation without their parents. Perhaps the nursery staff will have a method to stop him from doing it from their experience. I feel for you though, I'd be mortified if my son did that and would also want to avoid social settings. Good luck.

Bippitybopityboo Mon 23-Oct-17 19:28:19

I really is bad. I'm so embarrassed and dont know why he's doing it. I follow him and watch him like a hawk when we go anywhere but he is fast and just grabs thankfully anytime he has done it I have apologised to parents and the child and theyve been really very understanding

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 23-Oct-17 19:37:12

It's not awful, it's very normal at this age. He has no understanding yet that it hurts the other child or what that means. He just knows it gets an interesting reaction, or it gets them to let go of a toy or whatever.

All you can do is to be consistent and calm, keep removing him and showing that you're not happy. Then minimise the attention that he gets after that. Keep up with the praise for when he is being gentle and kind.

The nursery will have seen so many children who have done similar, in fact I'd guess that nearly all children will do it at some point. Please don't feel like he is different to the other children, and he will get past this.

Wolfiefan Mon 23-Oct-17 19:39:19

He's doing it as he's a young child who doesn't know it's wrong. They all snatch or refuse to share. Some bite or pinch!
First thing is prevention. Don't let him grab hair and he can't pull it.
Consequence. If he hits someone remove him. He's too young to reason and explain that really it's not very nice and he needs to be kinder.
You're going to need to be really close to stop this behaviour every time.

My DD was recently pushed over by a boy at nursery (we had to sign accident form) and she had a big old bruise against her cheek where she fell and hit it. I was (obviously) concerned that my DD was ok but wasn’t annoyed with the other child, parents or nursery staff. These things happen. Nursery deals with it brilliantly.

I would deffo send your DS to nursery. Hopefully being around other children his age will get him used to it and because the nursery deal with this sort of thing all the time they will probably be able to advise you what to do in these situations.
FWIW, my nephew was a biter. He doesn’t bite anyone now he’s 6

AssassinatedBeauty Mon 23-Oct-17 19:44:18

Yes, close supervision is essential. My eldest went through a biting phase, and I could see his behaviour change in the moment before he would bite. He kind of got a particular look or glint in his eye. So I followed him like a hawk around soft play and so on, to grab him before he could make contact. It was tiresome but necessary and he did completely get over it, and he's a very kind boy now!

MollyHuaCha Mon 23-Oct-17 20:58:37

Young children can often learn social skills more easily than older ones who have got into poor habits.

Warn the nursery and then send him.

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