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Money and step children

(8 Posts)
bellalou1234 Mon 23-Oct-17 12:46:09

I've been with my dp 10 years he has a ds who lived with ya until he left for uni last year. I have a dd just turned 18. We spilt all mortgage and bills 50/50 and are on around the same pay, although I choose to do bank for extras whereas dp never does.

Whilst his ds was living with us he got things of his dm, pocket money, latest phone ect, my dd doesn't receive a thing from her dad.

My aibu is im really skint this month has ld loads family birthdays and my dd turned 18, I feel he should contribute to these expenses. My daughter is a student, so I still pay her phone contract and give her minimal pocket money, I feel I should be paying g slightly less of the bills? Or dp could contribute a small amount. What do you's think?

MatildaTheCat Mon 23-Oct-17 12:50:40

Having a dc at uni is often more expensive than having them at home. However, after so long I would expect you both to be more flexible about costs such as birthdays as surely your lives are shared?

Have you asked him to contribute? And would you do the same? Maybe suggest another account for shared costs such as family presents and events?

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Mon 23-Oct-17 14:08:52

Whilst his ds was living with us he got things of his dm, pocket money, latest phone ect, my dd doesn't receive a thing from her dad. totally irrelevent.

I cant make out who had loads of family birthdays - if your family then this isn’t his issue or his problem to subsidise. Do you contribute to his child’s birthday presents? TBH I find this bizarre. You live with a bloke for 10 years, bring up children in the same house hold, yet still have his/hers gift buying separation for immediate family.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 23-Oct-17 14:19:11

This isn't a situation I'm familiar with as dh and I have always just shared money.
Few questions - is he paying uni fees for his dd? Would you do the same for him?
One could argue, with your 'mine and yours' type system, you should be paying more towards the bills now as there's two of you and one of him.

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 23-Oct-17 14:26:50

I’m finding it bizarre you wouldn’t be giving gifts as a couple. Surely he must care about your dd and want her to have a great birthday. You need a serious chat about money in general.

Blankscreen Mon 23-Oct-17 14:32:19

It seems as though he bought the presents for his DS out of his money.

You reference the fact that his ds' mum pays for things and your dd's dad doesn't. That's the issue here - why should you he have to pay because her dad doesn't.

Tbh the whole set up seems really strange but if that how it's always been done then I can see why.

Nandoshoes Mon 23-Oct-17 14:36:49

Maybe you should look at your own budgeting. It sounds as if you occasionally get more maybe use this money to save towards birthdays. So they are not unexpected expenses. I don't agree he should pay more because your unprepared.


YellowMakesMeSmile Mon 23-Oct-17 15:11:19

50/50 is more than fair. It was spot on when you lived with a child each but now there's two of you and one of him he's already supporting you without having to pay more.

It's not his fault you get no child support from the ex.

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