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Or is my mum over what to do with my bracelet?

(229 Posts)
CherryChasingDotMuncher Mon 23-Oct-17 12:03:21

When I was 13 (20 years ago) my nan bought me a solid yellow gold bracelet for Christmas. It’s like a chunky curb style, and my mum wouldn’t let me wear it because she was afraid I’d lose it. She said I could have it when I turned 18.

I’ll be honest it’s not my style and never has been, I prefer minimal jewellery, usually delicate white gold pieces. Mum has worn herself pretty much every time I’ve seen her, it’s very much her style. So I’ve never asked for it back, but I also haven’t said my Mum can keep it either. She lives abroad now anyway so it’s not just like I can pop over for it.

My nan died 4 years ago, and I’ve been thinking of selling the bracelet to a jewellers and getting a charm for my charm bracelet with my nan’s favourite stone (every charm I have signifies something or someone to me). I figured this is better than never wearing a bracelet because I don’t really like it.

Mum is visiting soon and I rang this morning to ask her if she could bring my bracelet back with her. When she pressed further (she knows I’m not keen on the style) I told her my plan of getting a charm instead.

Mum is very sentimental about keepsakes and is upset, says I should either wear it or not wear it, but not sell it. She’s not willing to bring it over. I’d almost understand if she was upset on behalf of my nan, but she didn’t like my nan (her mother) and told me when she died that she was pleased (whole other story). I also wonder if she really wants to keep my bracelet for herself, she always wears it and I’ve said a few times “isn’t that my bracelet?” and she says if I’m not wearing it she may as well. TBF she’s kept it in a great condition, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s not hers to wear.

WIBU? Am I right in thinking it’s not her call what I do with my jewellery?

aaaaargghhhhelpme Mon 23-Oct-17 12:07:43

Is your mum normally like this? It sounds very controlling considering it's not her property and never has been

is there anyone else you can talk to over there who might have some sway with her? Any witnesses to your nan giving it to you?

gamerchick Mon 23-Oct-17 12:08:12

Maybe sell it to her so you can get the one you want and she gets to keep that one as it’s obviously special to her?

crunchtime Mon 23-Oct-17 12:09:48

i would just let my mum keep it and forget about. when your mum dies you can sell the bracelet and do whatever you want with the csh.

why upset your mum?

CherryChasingDotMuncher Mon 23-Oct-17 12:10:09

aaaaaarggh yes she is controlling and we have a bit of a ‘child mode’ relationship im trying hard to break out of. My grandad is alive and he knows it’s mine!

gamer I didn’t think of that, not a bad idea at all! I don’t think she’ll want to fork out for it though but it couldn’t hurt to ask

badtime Mon 23-Oct-17 12:11:53

Get her to bring it with her so you can get it valued, then offer to sell it to her.

If you felt like it, you could even give her a discount and both get what you want.

BalloonSlayer Mon 23-Oct-17 12:15:35

Tell her if she doesn't want it sold she can give you the money for it. Play on her sentimentality "I feel so sad I don't have anything to remember my Nan by."

If she gets arsey remind her - It's not yours, Mum, it's MINE.

DingleBerries Mon 23-Oct-17 12:16:46

Can we not go through one thread without bringing out the ‘controlling’ card?

It’s absolutely pointless.

So the OP’s mother may or may not be controlling. That’s not the answer she needs, she needs advice or perspective on what she’s explained.

The way I see it OP, is she’s put you in an awkward position. Not the other day when you asked for it back but 20 years ago when she basically stole the bracelet from you.

It also sounds as though she isn’t going to give up without a fight and could potentially cause a rift between you both.
So you have to ask yourself if you are prepared to do that.
You are well within your rights to do that, but it’s you who’ll have to deal with the consequences of whatever crap your mum gives you. She has been and is utterly selfish and unfair and I doubt that’s going to change all of a sudden.

If you would rather not rock the boat, can you afford to buy a charm anyway to remember your Nan?

BeachyKeen Mon 23-Oct-17 12:17:31

So she acknowledged iþs not hers but says she's keeping it anyhow? Would she outright refuse to hand it over?

RandomMess Mon 23-Oct-17 12:19:13

Insist that she brings it over so that you can get it valued, then offer her first refusal to pay for it.

What would happen if you got grandad involved?

ItWentInMyEye Mon 23-Oct-17 12:19:31

I’d ask her to bring to so you can get it valued and then come to a decision as to whether you want to sell it to a jeweller or your Mum. Could your Dad not bring it?

MorrisZapp Mon 23-Oct-17 12:20:15

I would have considered this my mums bracelet and forgotten about it many years ago.

Is it very valuable? I can't see why you'd want it back now.

Anecdoche Mon 23-Oct-17 12:21:18

in your shoes i would tell her you have thought about it and she is absolutely right.
so bring it over because it belongs to you and you will wear it .

then when it is in your hands and she is gone, do whatever the fuck you like.

if you will use the item to get something you love in memory of your grandma that is absolutely fine. the item itself is not the important thing. it is the memory and connection.

if to you that is a charm then it isnt for your mum to decide thats not ok.

Dulra Mon 23-Oct-17 12:24:10

I can only respond to this based on my relationship with my mum. If I had received it and wasn't mad about it but knew my mum really liked it and would wear it I would have gifted it to her years ago. Seems a bit mean to be asking for it back to sell imo

HellonHeels Mon 23-Oct-17 12:26:18

Agree with Anecdoche - tell her you want to wear it and ask her to bring it over. Wear it during her visit. Then do what you like later on.

TBH that was not very nice of your mum to ban you from wearing it AND to wear it herself.

DingleBerries Mon 23-Oct-17 12:26:56

You think the OP is mean asking for it back?!

What about 20 years ago when she quite fancied the it herself so took it - stole it - from her 13 year old child under the guise of her ‘losing’ it.
THATS mean.

BewareOfDragons Mon 23-Oct-17 12:27:48

I can't get past the fact that she bought you a gift, immediately said you couldn't have it, and used it herself and continues to do so.

She's not going to give it back; she's obviously always thought of it as hers. CF mum, won't think she owes you anything for it either.

I would just move on, tbh. Decide what kind of relationship you want with her and act accordingly.

TwattyCatty Mon 23-Oct-17 12:31:11

I can't get past the fact that she bought you a gift, immediately said you couldn't have it, and used it herself and continues to do so

She didn't, so you should try!

OP, I would just say fine, you keep my bracelet and buy me the one I want instead. If you don't like that, buy it from me and I'll buy my own. Failing both, hand it over.

Whinesalot Mon 23-Oct-17 12:32:40

Get your mum to buy you the charm that you want then it's win win.

Whinesalot Mon 23-Oct-17 12:34:09

Actually your mum doesn't sound like a very nice person. Did she ever ask your permission to wear it in the first place?

Lovemusic33 Mon 23-Oct-17 12:34:18

Just lie to her and tell her you won't sell it, get the bracelet back then sell it, she won't know as she lives abroad (unless she asks to see it when she visits). She should have handed it over to you a long time ago, I think it's wrong that you were not allowed to wear it but then she's been wearing it, it should have been kept in a safe place and given to you when you turned 18 as planned.

whiskyowl Mon 23-Oct-17 12:36:14

It's not up to her to decide whether to be sentimental about it or not - it's yours. Offer to sell it to her instead.

AdalindSchade Mon 23-Oct-17 12:36:46

Fuck man this thread is weird
It's a sentimental item. A piece of family history. I'm not surprised the mum doesn't want it sold.
Op if you're broke then I guess there is an argument for selling the bracelet but it's bollocks to say you want to sell it to buy something to remember your nan by confused Whatever you buy won't be from your nan so why not just go and buy yourself something to remember your nan? Why must you sell this bracelet that your mum has been wearing for years that came from her mum?

SpringTown46 Mon 23-Oct-17 12:40:18

Just say you understand that she has got attached to the bracelet, and in the circumstances you would like her to give you a similar monetary value so you can buy something you do like in your Nan's memory.

PerspicaciaTick Mon 23-Oct-17 12:41:01

"Mum, you are absolutely right. I have decided that I should wear the bracelet. Please bring it with you when you visit."

Six months later...

"Oh, the bracelet? I changed my mind and decided to sell it after all."

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