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To think this wasn't right (would you be ok with it)

(63 Posts)
Misspollyhadadollie Sun 22-Oct-17 19:58:39

Me and ex were together and had 3 children. When my youngest was a few months old we broke up and I moved out (was his house he owned) anyway we were apart for a year and decided to give it another go, ex was reluctant for us to live together again and wanted to take things slow. Then it became apparent why. He had taken in a lodger, a female. He would tell me things like "she walks around in just a towel" made it clear that she fancied him. One time he was meant to come round and he just never showed up. Instead apparently he was drinking with her. She lived with him for about 6 months and then he told her it was time for her to leave and she kicked up one hell of a fuss which made me believe even more that something went on between them. Anyway things improved but I was very annoyed he has done that and told him so. Anyway I found out he had taken in another lodger. Again another woman. So I ended things. Anyway he keeps trying to get back together but I don't want to and he can't see why. Would you be ok with your partner living with another woman and seeing you and his kids at your house cause there's "no room" for us to go to there??

Neverender Sun 22-Oct-17 20:06:02

It depends on whether he’s trustworthy or not. I lived with two men (and I’m a woman). I’d have dumped anyone who would have immediately had an issue with that. We were just friends.

Neverender Sun 22-Oct-17 20:07:41

But, we did get in really well (both of them are still my friends 8yrs later and we have all been to each others weddings) they were great company, we got on really well and and sometimes I even binned off pre-arranged plans because we wanted to do something together. Nothing weird going on at all.

OstentatiousWanking Sun 22-Oct-17 20:07:42

No I wouldn't be OK with it. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it.
I'd want him to either commit to the family 100% by living as a family or end the relationship.

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 22-Oct-17 20:09:59

I tried to be cool with it at first until he started saying she walks around in just a towel (not sure why he told me that) and that she clearly fancies him, hard to explain but one time he was doing somethig in the room and apparently she left her vibrator on the bed, or something like that. The story was quite vague.

ZippyCameBack Sun 22-Oct-17 20:10:51

I think this about more than just having a female lodger. Him telling you about her wandering around in just a towel and not seeing you because he was drinking with her makes it sound like either they were shagging or he was trying to make you think they were.
He just doesn't sound very nice and you don't sound like you were happy when you were together. So it probably is for the best that you ended it.

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 22-Oct-17 20:11:14

He also didn't tell me he moved her in I found out as he slipped up and asked me if I wanted his old tv because "she" doesn't need it.

Butterymuffin Sun 22-Oct-17 20:17:50

It's more the lying and telling stupid bragging stories that would bother me. He doesn't sound very mature. And he should take the kids out somewhere if he can't take them to his house.

Neverender Sun 22-Oct-17 20:18:06

I’m not sure what sort of relationship you think you have if you don’t know who he lives with! But don’t just judge him because it’s a girl. There’s waaaay more to this...

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 22-Oct-17 20:20:21

We had only just got back together. He was living with her for a couple of weeks before I found out. Not months or years. But I think he was planning on keeping it a secret for as long as possible. We live about 2 hours away from eachother so wasn't a case of me just popping over to find out.

AnyFucker Sun 22-Oct-17 20:22:23

He is a classic mindfucker

Cut him out of your life

keeponworking Sun 22-Oct-17 20:29:42

What Anyfucker said. Not worth the angst or time spent interpreting.

Santawontbelong Sun 22-Oct-17 20:31:16

Bet he had drilled holes in her bedroom wall. .
Ltb once and for all.

Gemini69 Sun 22-Oct-17 20:37:47

he's taking he piss .... tell him to GTF flowers

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 22-Oct-17 20:39:05

Oh he also told me comments about his friends saying she had a nice bum so they were obviously looking at her in a sexual way.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 22-Oct-17 20:44:05

I couldn’t hold with the mindfuckery

House sharing with a woman wouldn’t bother me but the lack of boundaries would

intergalacticbrexitdisco Sun 22-Oct-17 20:44:07

Honestly, who could be arsed dealing with this knob? Move on.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 22-Oct-17 20:45:40

I wonder how he'd feel about you taking in a strapping male lodger, who lounges on he sofa in his tighty whiteys ! 😂
Ooh err, getting a bit carried away there !
Lose him Polly, he doesn't deserve you, let him crack on.

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 22-Oct-17 20:47:16

That's what I thought. I asked him if he would be ok if I moved a man in and he said no he wouldn't.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin Sun 22-Oct-17 20:49:24

Less about the woman he shared a house with more about the pathetic cries for attention he was clearly after. He was trying to make you feel jealous and insecure. You don't do that to people you care about he needs sacking off.

JWrecks Sun 22-Oct-17 21:05:03

Nope! Not okay! I'm not really the jealous type, but to a reasonable extent. Some tart swanning about in the house we raised our family in together would fuck me right off. Him not telling me about this tart, while playing at wanting to give it another go, would launch me into space!

Straycatblue Sun 22-Oct-17 21:14:28

Him telling you that his "lodger" walks around wearing a skimpy towel, saying she fancies him and leaves her vibrator out for him to see in her bedroom is at the very least incredibly disrespectful and both attention seeking and deliberately trying to make you feel bad. (him not her)
He also didnt tell you, the mother of his children when you got back together that he was living with her and you say he has stood you up for her before.
Don't spend time analysing all the ins and outs of whether anything happened or not, I think you know the answer, you wouldnt be posting otherwise.
Life's too short. Dont waste it on him.

NoCanoe Sun 22-Oct-17 21:25:41

@JWrecks - seriously??? She's....' some tart'..???
You've never worn a towel coming out of a shared bathroom?

Misspollyhadadollie Sun 22-Oct-17 21:34:37

No he said she walks around in just a towel. That's not going from the bathroom to the bedroom.

Neverender Sun 22-Oct-17 21:36:32

As for walking around in a towel - shes at home why not!!!

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