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To be a wee bit hurt?

(17 Posts)
Mammylamb Sun 22-Oct-17 19:55:08

Last night I was at a friends (friendA)house, and was at her fridge getting a drink. I noticed on the fridge an invite to a christening to our mutual friends daughter.

I was quite hurt, as the other friend (friend b) had mentioned the christening when i last saw her but told me that only immediate family were attending.
I've been friends with friend b for a lot longer than we've know friend a.

Thinking about it, last few times it's been me that's contacted her to meet up.

Thinking of just letting the friendship slide (I've got lots of other friends). Aibu?

Mammylamb Sun 22-Oct-17 20:20:21


MayFayner Sun 22-Oct-17 20:23:45

Is it friend a or friend b that you are hurt by?

I would be hurt by friend b, yes. I don't think friend a has done anything wrong per se.

Mammylamb Sun 22-Oct-17 20:27:39

Friend b I am hurt by!!! Friend a has done nothing wrong (and has no idea I seen the invite on her fridge)

stella23 Sun 22-Oct-17 20:31:30

I'm not surprised you are upset. Maybe you should ask her why she didn't ask you

Mammylamb Sun 22-Oct-17 20:37:49

It's actually the 2nd time something like this has happened Stella; last year it was her sons birthday. I think I'm just best letting the friendship slide. She has made new friends and I suspect that she thinks she's too good for me. Until I had my son, we got on great. But when I had my son she was telling mutual friends and neighbors that I was "struggling" and very anxious ( I do suffer from anxiety but actually am a very confident parent, and was definitely very confident with my newborn).

Birdsgottafly Sun 22-Oct-17 20:55:42

Is friend B definitely not a Godparent?

Have you spoke to friend b?

Birdsgottafly Sun 22-Oct-17 20:56:38

X post,the friendship has come to a natural end, then.

Mammylamb Sun 22-Oct-17 21:00:48

no, I'm sure that it's a cousin who is the godparent. Yeah, I think it has just came to an end. Feel a bit sad about that tbh

TheFickleFingerOfFate Sun 22-Oct-17 21:53:22

Let it go. She's moving on. People change and most friendships are just acquaintances in the end.

letsdolunch321 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:01:57

I would let the friendship with friend b slide. Inviting friend a and not inviting you is a disrespectful thing to do in my view

BenLui Sun 22-Oct-17 22:02:03

Could it be that Friend A is religious and you are not?

Mammylamb Sun 22-Oct-17 22:05:00

That I would understand if that was the case. But friend A isn't religious

SeaWitchly Sun 22-Oct-17 22:46:25

Something similar happened to me.

Friend A was getting married and told me the actual ceremony/reception was for family only. I was invited to the evening do and was fine with that... however when I arrived I discovered that actually a lot of Friend A's other friends and their families had been invited to the ceremony and reception first... and were all merrily discussing how lovely the bride had looked and how wonderful the ceremony had been. Friend B was part of the A list crowd invited to the ceremony and that really stung as she had not known Friend A as long as I had and in fact I had introduced the two of them. But what was really shit was that all 3 of us had been meeting for lunches and coffees prior to the wedding and not a word was spoken in front of me of Friend B invitation to all parts of the wedding whilst I was relegated to the B group. It was always spoken about as family only for the ceremony and in hindsight I realise that Friend A & B were deliberately keeping shtum. Our friendship never recovered, I felt so humiliated and hurt and just couldn't trust Friend A after that. I remained bright and breezy if I ever ran into her but stopped facilitating meet ups or conversation and the friendship just slowly fizzled out.

I have no advice for you OP but just wanted to let you know I understand how you feel and it really sucks when this sort of thing happens flowers

headintheproverbial Mon 23-Oct-17 02:16:46

YANBU. That is hurtful and it must have been horrible to see that. Treat the friendship with caution going forward. But do remember there can be tricky factors at play when inviting people to functions, such as funds available so I'd take the moral high ground rather than writing her off completely.

Mammylamb Mon 23-Oct-17 07:54:12

Thanks Sea, that sounds awful for you. I totally get why you were upset. Head: If this was only the first time, then I mightn't have been too bothered, but it's the second time. Just feel that when she met friend A (and later, another friend, friend C) she decided she was too good for me. however, when I met lots of new friends during mat leave, she was annoyed about that! (The thing is, I met up with them at baby groups etc during the day)

SeaWitchly Mon 23-Oct-17 10:13:30

Mammy, that was also a deciding factor for me - it wasn't the first time.

In hindsight I realised that Friend A often blew hot and cold with me. At times she would be really in to our friendship and inviting me everywhere and then at others she would cover up the fact that she was doing things with other people [namely Friend B] and would also be slightly off with me.

The wedding was really just the straw that broke the camel's back for me. It had got to a point where I felt anxious around her more than I felt nourished by our friendship and also started to feel paranoid, like I couldn't trust anything she was telling me. It is not a good basis for a friendship imo but in my situation I also think that Friend A and Friend B were a better match as friends and were subtly and not so subtly pushing me out [which is again what made it so confusing when I would take the hint and backoff only for Friend A to make efforts to re-establish contact and draw me into a closer friendship again confused]

Mammy only you can say whether your Friend B is worth trying to make things right between you and having an honest discussion about how you feel. For me, my Friend A wasn't worth it and I feel much better and happier since I distanced myself from her emotional mind games.

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