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Was I unreasonable not to move? I can't figure this out.

(51 Posts)
AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 22-Oct-17 11:32:17

I’ll keep this short. In the pub with DP last night, watching the football. I went to the bathroom around half time and when I came back, DP had agreed that we’d share a table with some other men that were also watching the football so the table we had could be used to serve food - fine.

The booths sit four people, if you butter up. There is one long back sofa which covers two corners. On one side was a couple trying to have a romantic meal; then DP, then a man we know who supports DPs team. Then the corner, and a drunk man, and a chair that was next to end of the sofa and side on to the TV. I sat there.

Drunk man didn’t want to watch the football and kept getting very close and putting his hands on my legs. DP told me to move to next to him; but I’d have been sitting at the couples table then, and it felt quite rude. In the end, I carried on just moving his hand away and intently watching the football until he left. I did get a bit too drunk constantly sipping my drink so he couldn’t talk to me much.

Today DP is a bit agitated that I wouldn’t move. He said the drunk man wouldn’t have found it rude and why does it matter if he did; he was being rude. And I get that, and fully agree - but it didn’t feel like there was anywhere to go anyway.

(If he’d got any worse; I’d definitely have moved regardless)

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 22-Oct-17 11:35:01

I would have told the drunk man in no uncertain terms not to put his fucking hands on me.

TheVanguardSix Sun 22-Oct-17 11:35:17


I agree with your DP. I'd have moved if I were you.
But I think this is just a non-problem and I wouldn't even dwell on it.

scurryfunge Sun 22-Oct-17 11:37:18

I would have asked the landlord to remove drunken male from the premises.

lionsleepstonight Sun 22-Oct-17 11:38:08

Why didn't your DP move then? Swap places with drunk man to stop him touching you. Ahhh coz then he couldn't have seen the game.
So he blames you instead. What a guy!!!

TheSnowFairy Sun 22-Oct-17 11:39:13

So your DH could see you were in an awkward situation, suggested you move to get out of it, but you chose to stay there?

TheSnowFairy Sun 22-Oct-17 11:39:37

DP not DH

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sun 22-Oct-17 11:40:36

Why couldn't you swap with your dp?

Although "get your fucking hands off me before I call the police" would have been my first reaction.

Can't believe you all sat there while he was assaulting you tbh.

blackteasplease Sun 22-Oct-17 11:41:18

I'm wondering why dp wouldn't swap with you too!

blackteasplease Sun 22-Oct-17 11:41:40

But I would also have told him to get his fucking hands off.

PaperdollCartoon Sun 22-Oct-17 11:44:12

I would have told him to stop fucking touching me, as would my DP, move and probably tell the staff he was touching me against my will and he should leave. Why did you all just sit there? If you were uncomfortable saying something your DP definitely should have.

YouTheCat Sun 22-Oct-17 11:45:59

I would have asked the drunk man to stop being a twat. If that hadn't worked I'd have got him chucked out.

The easiest solution would have been for your dp to swap.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 22-Oct-17 11:50:04

You could have swapped places with your dp, your dp could have had a word with him or asked the ll to chuck him out. What a strange choice. I really don’t understand your reasoning. Ywbu

emsyj37 Sun 22-Oct-17 11:54:00

A drunk man would only have to touch my legs once before I would lose my shit. First stop, tell the bar staff and ask for him to be removed. If no luck, scream and shout til someone else obliges and gets rid of him to shut me up.

Floralnomad Sun 22-Oct-17 11:58:47

They were hardly having a romantic meal in a pub packed with drunks watching football so you should have just moved , or decked the drunk or better still put the football package on your own TV and stay home .

MyKingdomForBrie Sun 22-Oct-17 12:02:50

Why should she have to move to somewhere she felt awkward?! Victim blaming much.

gamerchick Sun 22-Oct-17 12:13:14

Maybe he’s having an uncomfortable stew that he didn’t do the ‘manly’ thing and protect his lady and doesn’t like how that feels so therefore it’s your fault. Next it’ll be did you like him touching your leg or something.

Why didn’t you and he just switch places if you didnt want to knock his block off for touching you? This is the sort of shit woman just seem to put up with.

MrsOverTheRoad Sun 22-Oct-17 12:16:20

I'd have told the manager.

humblesims Sun 22-Oct-17 12:29:31

I would have told the drunk man in no uncertain terms not to put his fucking hands on me
This really.

expatinscotland Sun 22-Oct-17 12:33:41

I'd have told the drunk man to fuck off and your DP, too, for not swapping with you.

kateandme Sun 22-Oct-17 12:34:34

I'm aware we are woman and should be strong but id actually say Id want my dc to say "get the fuck off her you twat" if he saw someone repeatedly doing this to me and I was unable to speak up

araiwa Sun 22-Oct-17 12:35:41

words fail me

yorkshireyummymummy Sun 22-Oct-17 12:36:36

With all the news in the press re Harvey Weinstein and the ' me too' postings I would have thought this was the best time EVER in our history for a woman to say ' Stop touching me now or I will report you to the police '. But no, the OP didn't stand up for herself, and more shockingly , her D(?)P didn't tell the drunk toget his hands off her sharpish. What sortofworld do we live in? A pub In a first world county and we are STILL not doing enough to stop this.
While I feel sorry for you OP- you were in an unenviable position- you do all us women a disservice by not stopping this drunk pig IMMEDIATLY from assaulting you. Because that is what he did, make no bones about it.
Chalk this one up to experience but if it ever happens again make sure you stop disgusting creeps like this quickly. Because he is probably out tonight doing the same to somebody else.

NoCryLilSoftSoft Sun 22-Oct-17 12:37:49

Why is it your DPs business where you sit? You’re an adult. If you’re happy to stay where you are then what odds is it to him?

letsdolunch321 Sun 22-Oct-17 12:39:42

Why didn't your dp swap seats with you?!?!

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