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Taking teenage dd's friends phones off them if they sleep over?

(148 Posts)
CheckpointCharlie2 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:34:46

I suspect I am but just need opinions.

Dd has loads of friends stay over. She has just turned 15. If her friends stay round, I get their phones around 11/11.30 and charge them outside her room. I do this so they actually sleep, and because I've read loads of articles about how bad it is to be on social media at all hours for teenagers and the blue light etc etc.

I feel bad now as she was due to have a friend stay tomorrow but is now saying her dad will come and collect her because dd is embarrassed about me taking phones away and doesn't want her friend to stay.
AIBU?

ScarletSienna Sat 21-Oct-17 22:37:15

I think YABU. They’re over for a sleepover which isn’t a time they’re going to get much sleep anyway.

BloodSplatteredFangs Sat 21-Oct-17 22:37:20

If I were you, I would speak to the dad when he collects her. Don’t be at all surprised if this is a made up story to try to guilt trip you into allowing mobile phones!

That said, I would allow them to have them overnight unless prediscussed with the parents.

StickyTapeDispenser Sat 21-Oct-17 22:40:19

I think at 15 and, for a sleepover, I’d leave them with their phones. I’d politely request phones off at a certain time, but I wouldn’t monitor it closely.

They’re old enough to behave responsibly with them and I think need to know they’re trusted to do just that.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sat 21-Oct-17 22:40:21

Do you really think they don't take the phones back as soon as you're asleep?

PickettBowtruckles Sat 21-Oct-17 22:42:25

At 15 I'd have been mortified if my parents tried to enforce a 'no phones' rule after a certain time, let alone actually demanded my friends handed over their phones!

Sorry, I think YABU.

MarmaladeIsMyJam Sat 21-Oct-17 22:43:44

If I was 15 and you did this I'd be mortified! What difference will one night make, it's a sleepover! No wonder she doesn't want her friend to stay. If that's your house rules, then fine, but don't expect your daughter to be asking people round to stay, which is sad.

LilyPondFrog Sat 21-Oct-17 22:44:24

You should not be confiscating her friends' phones. Like a previous poster said, they won't be getting much sleep at a sleepover anyway

Wolfiefan Sat 21-Oct-17 22:44:47

Normally we have a no phones overnight rule. For younger children I would expect no phones overnight. At that age I wouldn't enforce the rule on a sleepover. It's one night. Perhaps turn off wifi overnight if you're worried. They probably won't get a lot of sleep even without the phones! grin

eyebrowsonfleek Sat 21-Oct-17 22:44:57

It’s half term and there’s no school tomorrow yabu.

Rachie1973 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:46:10

How embarrassing for your daughter!

Enforcing your house rules on a school night with your kids is one thing, but on a weekend with other peoples is a bit odd.

My daughter wouldn't do a sleepover without hers to be honest. She's a bit funny about staying away from home, and I've had numerous 2am texts just needing a bit of reassurance.

KeepServingTheDrinks Sat 21-Oct-17 22:46:30

sorry, but it's another yes you are (BU) from me. Mid teen is old enough for them to be responsible (or not) themselves and live with the consequences. I don't think this is an appropriate thing to do to a guest.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sat 21-Oct-17 22:46:52

You're being unrealistic if you're wanting 15 year olds at a sleepover to fall asleep at 11.30pm. With or without their phones, that ain't going to happen.

GreatStar Sat 21-Oct-17 22:48:50

I get where u are coming from but yes yabu. What's the worst thing can happen if they have their phones?

Hotfootit Sat 21-Oct-17 22:56:21

I don’t think YABU. I do this too. No phones overnight in rooms. No photos, and no instagram posta about who is (or isn’t) at a sleepover.

CheckpointCharlie2 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:58:58

rachie that's a good point actually, hadn't thought of that.
I ABU! I thought I might be, thanks all for confirming.

No! I'll have to eat my words in the morning!! I don't want cause her ebbarassment though so will let it go.

Nancy91 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:59:29

How embarrassing for her! Do you have a problem with her growing up as it sounds like you're pushing rules on her that are more suitable for 10 year olds? Her friends won't like coming around to your house which will make her feel bad.

Wolfiefan Sat 21-Oct-17 23:00:42

Just say as it is a one off and a sleepover you will relax the rule. Oh and because you trust her too. Always a good starting point!!
Then turn the wifi off overnight! grin
For one night it'll do no harm and they won't get much sleep anyway.

Lurkedforever1 Sat 21-Oct-17 23:01:20

Yabu. By all means turn the wifi off if you are that concerned, although personally I wouldn't. But not taking the phones off them. It's embarrassing for your dd and not your place to confiscate personal items from her friends.

SavageBeauty73 Sat 21-Oct-17 23:01:24

I wouldn't dream of taking their phones off the. My daughter would kill me.

CheckpointCharlie2 Sat 21-Oct-17 23:05:14

No nancy I'm really not like that even though this might make it look like I am. Her friends love coming here, endless supplies of pizza, coke and smoothies! I admit AIBU about phones though.

tempstamos Sat 21-Oct-17 23:05:30

It’s half term and a Saturday.
My 10 year old Dd has 3 friends round tonight, they all still have their phones in her room currently and I’m not going to be getting out of bed to go and get them. (It does on a school night get taken away from DD at 6) My 14 year old would genuinely tell his friends they couldn’t stay over if I was going to take phones off them.
By all means do what you want with your own kids but you can’t do it with someone else’s.
I would be annoyed if another parent took any of my children’s phones whilst they were on a sleepover (and they probably wouldn’t be going back there for another )

AdoraBell Sat 21-Oct-17 23:06:51

I wouldn’t take a phone off visiting child, whatever age. Whenever we’ve had friends over their parents call them to check all is well.

I do get what you mean re cyber bullying.

Aureservoir Sat 21-Oct-17 23:07:13

I don't know that you're BU, exactly, but I do let DD (14) keep her phone when she has friends for sleepovers (which are by definition not on school nights). On all other nights, including school holidays and weekends, she has to surrender it at 9.30, and it charges in my bedroom so she can't sneak down and get it.

All that said, I did turn the wifi off when DD had three friends to sleep over recently, just because I wanted to get some sleep. I took the wifi cable to bed with me. Would never have got away with this with her older and more techno-savvy brothers!

zzzzz Sat 21-Oct-17 23:09:39

I’d be shock if anyone took my child’s phone away from her. She’s an anxious one and knows she can phone us any time to come and get her. What an odd thing to do.

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