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Work colleague revealed my pregnancy

(86 Posts)
dazedandconfuse Sat 21-Oct-17 22:22:35

So I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant, I haven't told work yet for various reasons. I have also told hardly any family members, haven't told any friends etc. I'm not really showing at all (at least I didn't think I was) and I haven't done anything at work to make anyone think I'm pregnant. E.g called in sick or anything, or let on AT ALL that I'm pregnant.

Anyway there's a woman at work who doesn't like me too much (you know when YOU know) and she, today, in front of all my work colleagues exclaimed "YOURE PREGNANT ARENT YOU" I was so fcking* shocked. I was just like um yeah... and she responded "I was going to say something last week but I wasn't sure because your tummy is getting bigger but your boobs aren't" i am completely mortified this happened. I have no idea how she knew (I wear a baggy work top, been wearing tight fighting t shirts around family and they had NO IDEA) was she just saying it to be spiteful and it backfired because I'm actually pregnant??? I've honestly never been so fucking mortified in my life. In fact I've actually lost two stone since getting pregnant*. F*cking morti fucking fied

dazedandconfuse Sat 21-Oct-17 22:23:03

Sorry no idea why it went into bold I'm just angry rant typing so it's a mess

WhatwouldAryado Sat 21-Oct-17 22:25:36

Very wrong of her. Arrange a meeting with your manager to discuss her doing that.
It's definitely a thing you Don't ask.

WhatwouldAryado Sat 21-Oct-17 22:26:04


RavingRoo Sat 21-Oct-17 22:28:03

Talk to your manager, raise a grievance. Your colleague did something very, very wrong.

Norespect Sat 21-Oct-17 22:29:17

flowers Awful, OP. Nasty piece of work. And commenting on the way you look, how dare she?
What was the reaction of your colleagues?
Do you have someone to complain to? HR?

FenceSitter01 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:30:14

As an aside, you should tell HR as soon as possible - anyone should - they need to be aware should something happen, I don't mean pregnancy related, any "accident" could happen from you falling down the stairs and knocking yourself out to a forklift running you over - someone would have to let the ambulance crew know.

dazedandconfuse Sat 21-Oct-17 23:05:47

It really Fucking got to me this is my tummy!!!! Some of my colleagues were like oh yeah congrats and some of them (in secret) were like oh my god I cannot believe she just did that. I'm just shocked to be honest. I knew she was a bit of a bitch but this just seems extreme

dazedandconfuse Sat 21-Oct-17 23:07:58

Also sorry for a million typos I'm literally just fuming haha 🙃🙃

EverythingEverywhere1234 Sat 21-Oct-17 23:12:47

She sounds like a right twat. I think I'd complain to HR, if that's an option.

inlectorecumbit Sat 21-Oct-17 23:21:09

Nope she was being a bitch.
I can see no obvious bump. She was being very spiteful and l don't think for a minute she actually thought you would say yes. She was trying to insinuate you were looking fat in front of folk.
This happened to me too at work but at least l looked "fat" (3rd DC) and she had the decency to take me into the office to ask me.

Blackcatonthesofa Sat 21-Oct-17 23:23:56

Sometimes it's not your tummy but you just look differently when pregnant. I had one colleague who was so obviously pregnant I asked her before she had to test. Her hair and body just was different. Even the men saw it. I also have been caught out when I was 5 weeks and actually lost weight.

She shouldn't have blurted it out in public though.

Albadross Sat 21-Oct-17 23:27:15

Blackcat different how exactly? Are you sure you’re not just imagining it
once you find out someone is pregnant?

QuackDuckQuack Sat 21-Oct-17 23:28:34

Wow - that is a harsh thing to do. I’ve noticed a pregnant colleague, but just ignored it until they decided to share their news and I had a colleague guess I was pregnant (apparently from my enthusiasm when someone else brought their baby to visit) but she didn’t mention it until I had said I was. I think it’s an unwritten rule that you don’t comment or ask. And the rule is for many reasons - whether it’s because of the risk of calling someone fat or because they may be having a difficult pregnancy that they don’t want to discuss.

WildRosesGrow Sat 21-Oct-17 23:35:24

I think some people are just more observant and better at picking up unconscious clues than others. I guessed that a colleague's wife was pregnant, months before he told people at work, as I happened to overhear a friend ask "How's Emma doing?" he then responded cagily and I put 2 and 2 together and made 5. I didn't mention it to anyone else and he thanked me (when he did tell everyone else) as he thought I had worked it out but didn't want everyone to know yet. So it could be something like that - a comment rather than how you look.

An old lady who is friends with my parents was the first person who worked out from my appearance that I was pregnant, despite the fact that like you I had lost weight overall at that point. She evidently could see how my shape had changed (and also knew that I'd got married the previous year and was 30 so chances were...).

It would have been better if your colleague hadn't blurted it out but not sure that you can do much about it now. Best to accept everyone's congratulations and move on.

watchingthedetectives Sat 21-Oct-17 23:40:18

I had a work colleague say to me (in front of a group of people)

'Have you started taking the pill your boobs are bigger?'

I had been 16 weeks pregnant and had just had a miscarriage

I left and my other colleagues put him right - he did apologise when I saw him again but a bit too little too late.

Originalfoogirl Sat 21-Oct-17 23:42:27

Shit of her. I would have responded with a "no, I'm not" and watched her squirm.

Timefortea99 Sat 21-Oct-17 23:46:09

I think people lose sense of what work is. We, in the main, work to pay our bills to live. So we end up working with people who have no meaning in our lives but who forget why we are there. So, they gossip, get jealous, lose focus on work, pick on people, play inordinate amounts of attention of other people's lives, all to cover up and detract from their own miserable lives. Just my take on it, and speaking as a victim of somebody else's disappointment on how their life turned out and who perceived I was living a fantastic life, decided to focus on me and try to make me miserable. Your colleague has no right to make personal comments about your appearance and needs a swift HR reminder of why she is actually there.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo Sat 21-Oct-17 23:48:30

It was/is none of her business. Somebody needs to tell her, eg line manager or HR. It doesn't even matter whether she was right or wrong. She was wrong to comment / ask publicly.

Slimthistime Sun 22-Oct-17 00:10:54

OP that's terrible she did that, I'd make a formal complaint

Watching, what happened to you was harassment on many levels. Should be a sacking offence, what he said.

sycamore54321 Sun 22-Oct-17 01:57:20

Colleague is at best an idiot. Worth asking HR to have a word with her.

This from a previous post is nonsense "someone would have to let the ambulance crew know." ambulance crews have a fairly limited (yet vitally important) selection of tools and skills that they will use to maintain life and stabilise the patient enough to get her to hospital. Being pregnant or not isn't going to make a difference to how they treat you in the vast majority f cases (I don't want to say never in case someone can tell me something specific but apart never). You are conscious, you tell them you are pregnant if you wish. You are unconscious - you need to be treated and cared for and dealt with, regardless of your pregnancy status. Blood pouring from a severed artery or whatever will need to be treated. End of. Also, there is no way they can deny you, the patient, lifesaving emergency treatment on the basis that some random who happens to work near you says you are pregnant. It just doesn't work like that.

Having said that, telling HR as early as you feel comfortable is generally a good idea as it triggers protections against redundancy, etc.

CluelessMummy Sun 22-Oct-17 02:06:47

When I was 10 weeks pregnant a male colleague of mine approached my LINE MANAGER to ask her if I was expecting. I was holding off any announcement until I was safely out of the first trimester since an early scan showed there might be problems. It put me straight on the back foot as I was then asked by the boss rather than me telling her, and I felt like the subject of office gossip.

It bothered me for a few weeks as I felt jumped on, that the moment had been stolen (I am very close to my boss) and like I wasn't in control (and a bit hormonal and sensitive too!)

She shouldn't have mentioned it, and especially not in the way she did! By all means vent a bit and by all means distance yourself from your fucking bitch of a colleague, but don't forget to focus on what's important - your pregnancy! Congrats to you flowers

Out2pasture Sun 22-Oct-17 02:10:59

some people can just tell when someone is pregnant.
when you get a gaggle of women together sometimes you get this happening. by the time your 50 you will have seen this exact scenario play out at least once a year.

dazedandconfuse Sun 22-Oct-17 02:31:30

Also worth mentioning I've only been at this job 4 weeks so she's never known me to not be pregnant to see a change in me! Thanks for all the comments though guys makes me feel like way less of an idiot feeling shocked and upset about this

MrsOverTheRoad Sun 22-Oct-17 02:35:27

She shouldn't have said a word. I can often tell that people are pregnant even before they show but I wouldn't say anything.

I once knew my friend's 16 year old was pregnant when she was about a month gone...same with my sister and I was only 14...I can just look and know but it's certainly not something I'd ever mention!

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