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To not feel guilty about man kicked out of pub?

(74 Posts)
sailorcherries Sat 21-Oct-17 22:09:29

Disclaimer - I'm drunk.

I've been out with family and friends (women only) for a birthday, drinking since 3pm (so this may have clouded my judgement).

I'm 24 and my sister is 21. Since we arrived a man had been trying to dance with my sister, despite her not wanting to or engaging. He was grabbing her hips etc.

Later on he grabbed her and kisses her cheek, despite her not wanting this, and then kept pulling her hair whilst she was dancing.

Now this mab was about 60 odds and my sister was not reciprocating his advances.

We stood outside the bar for air (sister and me) and she mentioned the hair pulling. Until this time I had no idea. The bouncer overheard and was furious! He asked mely sister to point him out and she didn't want to (out of fear of repercussions). My sister then went inside and the bouncer spoke to me and I pointed out this man after his behaviour. The bouncer then removed him from the bar due to his inappropriate advances and behaviour.

My sister was a bit embarrassed about the whole ordeal and annoyed with me for getting the man removed. Aibu for speaking to the bouncer and describing this mans inappropriate actions which resulted in him being removed from the bar?

charmedrose Sat 21-Oct-17 22:14:27

No i don't think you were. The man was a nuisance.

StealthPolarBear Sat 21-Oct-17 22:16:32

Why on earth would you be? And what does him beibg 60 have to do with it

AnyFucker Sat 21-Oct-17 22:17:50

Correct outcome

And well done that bouncer

Freshprincess Sat 21-Oct-17 22:19:04

You and the bouncer did the right thing. Your sister has nothing to be embarrassed about.

Wolfiefan Sat 21-Oct-17 22:19:59

Couldn't give a shiny shit about his age. If he had been the hottest teen in the universe he would still have been a complete shit and a sex pest.
No guilt.

PandorasXbox Sat 21-Oct-17 22:20:51

Yanbu he sounds like a right creep.

YouTheCat Sat 21-Oct-17 22:21:49

Good on that bouncer for not putting up with this shit.

sailorcherries Sat 21-Oct-17 22:23:08

Stealth the age was more to do with the age gap. This wasn't a mid twenties who my sister was dancing with who aced his hands somewhere inappropriately. This was a man older than our father completely taking advantage. He was 40+ years older and thought it was appropriate to do this out of the blue.

sailorcherries Sat 21-Oct-17 22:24:49

I was so impressed with the no nonsense attitude and tried to explain about sexual harassment but she was mortified.

WorraLiberty Sat 21-Oct-17 22:25:03

Surely you must know YANBU?

RavenclawRealist Sat 21-Oct-17 22:25:24

Another voice in support of you and applauding the bouncer! No one should be hassled like that! You and the bouncer did the right thing!

Wolfiefan Sat 21-Oct-17 22:26:30

So it would be ok for a 20 something year old to grope a woman if they weren't interested?!

Bumbledumb Sat 21-Oct-17 22:31:26

The only unreasonable action was waiting for so long before bringing him to the attention of the bouncer. He should have been chucked out much earlier.

sailorcherries Sat 21-Oct-17 22:31:41

Wolfie no but if my sister had been dancing with him and he held on to her hips or tried to grab her attention afterwards I wouldn't be annoyed until he overstepped the mark. This was a man who overstepped right from the off.

sailorcherries Sat 21-Oct-17 22:35:47

Bumble I wasn't aware until we were talking really and found out the extent. He tried his shit while I was there and then backed off after the look I gave him

NoKidsTwoCats Sat 21-Oct-17 22:37:23

Why should anyone get away with what is basically sexual harassment? Yanbu. Maybe he'll think twice about being a pest next time.

letsdolunch321 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:38:59

End of the day, if a person is not interested that should be the end of it. No one ..... male or female goes out to be hassled by the opposite sex !!!

NoKidsTwoCats Sat 21-Oct-17 22:39:20

To add: his age here is irrelevant. Unwanted physical contact, repeated advances, hip and hair grabbing wouldn't be acceptable if he was 20 either. The man sounds like a sex pest/nuisance.

IHeartDodo Sat 21-Oct-17 22:41:04

Good for the bouncer, you should have got him out straight away!

Wolfiefan Sat 21-Oct-17 22:41:49

So why mention his age? What's important is that he's a sex pest. Not that he's about 60 and a sex pest. Unwelcome attention is unwelcome. It doesn't matter how old the person is.

64BooLane Sat 21-Oct-17 22:42:18


I guess your sister’s annoyance/mortification may be rooted in the fact women are socialised not to “make a fuss”, “overreact”, etc. in response to inappropriate sexual behaviour. There’s huge pressure to be the “cool girl” who doesn’t let that kind of thing bother her at all.

nameusername Sat 21-Oct-17 22:46:27

Of course not. You've just saved potential victims from his unwanted advances. Kudos to the bouncer for being on the ball. I'm sure there's CCTV if they need confirmation that they get the right person.

GabsAlot Sat 21-Oct-17 22:48:26

a shame your sis is annoyd at yo but not at the man sexually harrasing her

of course yanbu

JonSnowsWife Sat 21-Oct-17 22:49:44

I used to work in a nightclub many years ago.

If I felt bad about every one we'd got chucked out when we expressed concerns to bouncers I'd feel eternally guilty and the bouncers would have been bored out of their brains for most of it wink

Of course YANBU.

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