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To think I'm right to be angry about him nearly missing our child's birth?

(19 Posts)
RogerThatOver Sat 21-Oct-17 22:06:04

DP and I separated just after I found out I was pregnant; we already had 4 children together. He had said he really wanted to be there for the birth of the baby, either with me or to look after the other DC.

I booked for a home birth as my others were straightforward but being 45 minutes minimum from hospital, I was very unsure that I was willing to risk having baby at home which DP knew. I told him at 7pm that I was in labour and that he could come when I'd got the DC into bed so as not to get them excited about the baby so they wouldn't sleep. He was out at his friends house at the time, but agreed. At 8.30 i told him they were in bed. By 9.30 he hadn't arrived and I hadn't heard from him soon called him; no answer. By 11pm my contractions were 5 mins apart so it was time to go to hospital - he still didn't answer my calls and I had no one to look after the DC except him.

By 1am my contractions were 3 minutes apart so I called the midwife who arrived at 1.30 am. DP arrived at 1.40 am and baby was born at 1.55 am. He had fallen asleep at his friends house, apparently. AIBU to be angry that he almost missed the birth, forced me into a home birth and effectively risked mine and the baby's lives?

Littlecaf Sat 21-Oct-17 22:11:07

Fallen asleep! Yup, I'd be annoyed!

MyBrilliantDisguise Sat 21-Oct-17 22:12:56

I would have been absolutely livid. If he can't care for his children while you give birth to his child, he's a completely useless man.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sat 21-Oct-17 22:13:25

You must have been terrified.

ohfourfoxache Sat 21-Oct-17 22:15:00

I'd kill him. There is absolutely no fucking excuse for that.

I sincerely hope he is very much an exdp

Nowthereistwo Sat 21-Oct-17 22:15:32

I would be angry beyond belief but equally you are not together anymore and can't change the past so you do somehow need to get past it for you own mental health.

ownedbySWD Sat 21-Oct-17 22:16:03

You were completely alone until minutes before the birth? YADDDDDDNBU!!

Anecdoche Sat 21-Oct-17 22:16:32

do you believe him?

how likely is it really that he could know you were in labour and that he would be coming round in an hour and he fell asleep? at his friend's house? and his friend didnt wake him ? knowing he was to come round for the birth of his child?

nah. whole thing stinks like last week's fish.

Callamia Sat 21-Oct-17 22:17:05

Hold on, he fell asleep when he knew you were in labour with his child? What the actual?

I'm so sorry that you had such an extra worry while you were in labour. That's so unfair. I hope he realises what he's put you through, and why you will never forgive him.

DelilahDarcey Sat 21-Oct-17 22:18:55

What a twat! Thank god he’s an ex!

C0untDucku1a Sat 21-Oct-17 22:19:24

Sounds like he was punishing you for managing without him.

Valentine2 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:20:05

Are you serious? His wife went into labour and had kids at home with her and he ducking slept? Why didn't he die or something? shock
Is this waste of space still alive?

Littlecaf Sat 21-Oct-17 22:20:13

'Fallen asleep at friends house'

Classic excuse for 'up to no good'

'Doing something he shouldn't have been doing'

Who falls asleep at friends houses, seriously?

Bezm Sat 21-Oct-17 22:20:35

You said that you had booked for a home birth. Then you said you were annoyed he wasn't there and that he forced you into a home birth. You didn't phone the midwife until you were well in labour.
Sorry, but the only person who was responsible for the safe delivery of your fifth child was you.

Valentine2 Sat 21-Oct-17 22:23:00

Sorry I didn't pay attention to that bit where you said he is ex. blush
That changes things a lot I think. He is an ex and you tried to keep only him as your backup for children while you went to hospital or had home birth. I think YABU. He is ex for a reason.

RogerThatOver Sat 21-Oct-17 22:29:29

Bezm why would I call the midwife any sooner? The point is that she's there towards the end, not for hours beforehand. I put off calling for as long as possible in this case because I knew she might wake my other DC and there would be no one to see to them if that happened.

NorthernLurker Sat 21-Oct-17 22:32:48

So he knew you were in labour, planning a hospital birth, with kids at home to be looked after? And he fell asleep??

Blooody hell, yanbu and you should keep him as an ex.

RogerThatOver Sat 21-Oct-17 22:34:48

Yes, he knew all of that. He wants to reconcile but doesn't understand why things like this just serve to demonstrate how the DC and I can't rely on him.

Santawontbelong Sat 21-Oct-17 22:37:32

I would leave him off the bc until he shows some level of commitment. Then he can't be pulling rank as the df with pr about contact until you are up to him being around. He sounds like a prize dick head. .
Def good reason to have him as an ex.

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