About baby monitor

[TheBabyWhisperer]

Our second video baby monitor just broke.
Our DS is just over 3 years old.

Everyone keeps telling me that we do not need a video monitor.

I know this is true but I have OCD & anxiety and I need to be able to see my child in the night.

How do other people with OCD or anxiety cope without a video monitor?

Aibu to buy another one or do I need to ‘get a grip’ as one of my family puts it

[RoboticSealpup]

Just buy one of you know you can't relax without it! Small price to pay for peace of mind.

[TowerRavenSeven]

Can't you just buy a sound one?

[Neverknowing]

If you want one, have one. I like seeing my DD too
We have a camera from amazon, it’s like £30? I think it’s called ‘Freddie’ camera, it connects to your phone. It’s really great, if you go out and someone is babysitting you can see them on your phone!

[Neverknowing]

Just looked, it’s called ‘Fredi’ there are two versions. The one that looks like a panda is the one you want!!

[Neverender]

Honestly? You really don’t need it. You might think you do but unless you live in a mansion, you’ll hear if he’s distressed.

[BertrandRussell]

You need to think how long you will want to do this for. You need to be able to stop as soon as your child becomes aware that you are watching him. So maybe time to start gradually now?

[Pinky333777]

Try cbt for anxieties about your child?
Will you still feel the need to look on them when they're 8? 12? 16??
He's sure to be fine, and you know you don't need the camera.
Start working on how to better manage your ocd xxx

[Hohofortherobbers]

At 3? He'll come and get you if he needs you won't he?

[Fairylea]

If it makes you feel better just buy another one. Why make yourself worry if it’s something you can easily solve?

We have a sound baby monitor for ds aged 5 that we use every night. He does have autism however and we aren’t always confident he will call us if needed. It enables us to relax and feel confident we can hear him. Whatever helps calm your anxiety go for it!

[Callamia]

At three, they can shout pretty loudly when they need to. Or just turn up in your bed.

Although, your house might be larger than mine. Really, though, what are you gaining from being able to see your child during the night? Is it keeping you from sleeping well?

[Ilovechocolatetoomuch]

I sleep with both our bedroom doors ajar. He snores quite loudly so I know he is o.k.

[IndianaMoleWoman]

How often do you actually look at the monitor? Could you replace it with just popping into his room to look and then gradually reduce the amount of times you check on him?

[PurpleDaisies]

If it makes you feel better just buy another one. Why make yourself worry if it’s something you can easily solve?

It's not about the monitor, it's about giving in to the obsessive urge to have one. Sometimes just doing what makes you less anxious in the short term isn't helpful with OCD behaviours.

Op what help have you had with your OCD?

[neverhadanymarblestolose]

I was like you, had a video monitor on my daughter until she was 3 years old, then her little brother came along and my anxiety switched to him instead
He's not far off 3 now and I still have the video monitor on him. I think I'll keep using it for as long as it works, as he's a much lighter sleeper then his sister. So it's better for me to check any noises I hear from him on the monitor, then potentiality waking him by checking in person!

[TheBabyWhisperer]

He can’t get out of his bedroom to come to us in the night because the stairs are between our room and his so the baby gate has to be on his bedroom.

He does know we can see him through the monitor, he’s been upset in the past when we had a power cut and the green on light wasn’t on so he likes it being there too.

I had a very short course of CBT for my OCD, the guy seemed to think I managed it very well at the time but that was before I had my son.

[Pippa12]

I used a motion sensor for years... i knew she was 'too old' but i needed it to get some sleep. Eventually i stopped using it but i needed to take the step myself, if itd of broke id of 100% got a new one.

[Ellendegeneres]

Get it if it helps your anxiety. Small price to pay.
With my first I had monitors coming out of my ears, at friends and families homes when we stayed too. Second time round I'm a bit meh, can't see the point, kids got a decent set of lungs on him and I didn't suffer with pnd or postnatal psychosis or whatever it's called this time like I did the first. First time though the place was like Fort Knox

[llangennith]

I'm sure you'll hear him if he shouts. Beware of passing on your OCD and anxiety to your son.

[florenceandthefig]

I gave up on my baby monitor when my DS was nine months...now I feel like a bad mother

I've never had a video monitor. How did folk survive in day of yore?

I think perhaps it's time to scale back on watching him

[brownfang]

I never had any type of monitor (eldest DC not yet 18). I didn't want to be slave to it.

Just do what you need to, OP.

[Ttbb]

I get it. I still check on my DS (3) every time I walk past his door (we have a smaller one so it is frequently during the night). But I've found that the less I do it, the less worried I feel. Have you considered timing yourself? How often do you normally check on him? Start of by just getting up to check on him whenever you feel like it and record the time. Then find the average interval, let's say you check on him every half an hour provided that you are awake. Then double the time interval so that you are only allowed to check on him once an hour. Maintain this timing until you feel comfortable then double it again so only every two hours and so on.

[neverhadanymarblestolose]

Can you not put the gate at the top of the stairs instead? Both of my children's rooms are on the other side of the stairs to our room, so we have a gate at the top of the stairs. My daughter has hypermobility, so I worry she might lose her balance and fall, should she ever need to come to our room or the bathroom in the middle of the night.

[angelikacpickles]

He can’t get out of his bedroom to come to us in the night because the stairs are between our room and his so the baby gate has to be on his bedroom.

You don't need the baby gate for a 3 year old either, although I imagine that is probably related to your OCD as well?

Would you consider further OCD? As your child gets older, you will need to "let go" more and more and it might be helpful to try to get a handle on it again now.

[TheBabyWhisperer]

We tried to put the gate on the stairs but it’s basically drywall - thin stuff and it just crumbles so the gate won’t go on the stairs.

I’m really wary of passing it onto him, I don’t know what I can do about that though. I do try not to show him when I worry or with my compulsive behaviours.

I’m struggling to get to see anyone as I’m seeing a counsellor but he is not great, giving me bad advice and they won’t refer me on! 😬

[PurpleDaisies]

What advice have you been given that's bad? Can you afford to see someone else privately? Having a counsellor you don't trust is never going to work.