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Am I a CF?

(110 Posts)
CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate Sat 21-Oct-17 18:56:37

Situation is this: I need a new slow cooker. The one I have just about feeds all 3 of us (me, DH and DD) but as DD is getting older and a bigger appetite it won't do.

My DM said she'd buy me one for Christmas, I enquired about budget and once I knew the budget started searching.

I've absolutely fallen in love with one, and sent the link to my DM. It's £20 under her suggested budget which means she'll probably buy a few extra small presents for DD, is larger than the one I have and has things like a delay timer which will be useful when I need to get DD to appointments and want it ready for when we get home. I thought it was a bargain.

When I sent it to my DM I said if she did buy that one could I have it in Silver so it matched the rest of the appliances in my kitchen. DM has not said if she's getting me that one and I will have to wait until Christmas Eve in my family we do extended family presents on Christmas Eve so the actual day is spent with immediate family to find out if I get the one I want or she might find a similar/different model. Knowing my DM she'll buy it me, as she'd much rather get me/DBro what we want for Christmas as a main present as we're adults now.

DH has just said i'm a cheeky fucker for asking for something specific and telling her what colour I want. He said I should of let my mum have the joy of picking me one and choosing the colour, in fact I was UR to even say I wanted a Slow Cooker as it's up to my mum what she wants to buy me.

So AIBU and a CFer? Or DH just a joy sucker because PIL don't bother with big presents for DH anymore - he gets a book and a DVD and that's it, they do spend a lot on DD though.

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour Sat 21-Oct-17 18:58:36

My mum definitely likes me to tell her if there's something I want/need because she likes to get me things I will enjoy/use! Not a CF in my book!

SureJan Sat 21-Oct-17 19:00:48

Nah I don't think you're cheeky. She offered to buy you one, she may as well know what type/colour you want. I doubt she'd get much joy picking you one & choosing the colour as your DH suggests, surely slow cookers are all pretty similar!

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Sat 21-Oct-17 19:01:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AppleKatie Sat 21-Oct-17 19:01:09

I think this is down to family dynamic. My mil would be horrified if I was so specific with her my mum would prefer the Amazon link to be emailed...

InappropriateGavels Sat 21-Oct-17 19:02:05

I do this with my mother all the time, especially if the one I find is cheaper and better than the one she's suggested.

I don't think you're being a CF at all. She already said she's getting you one for Christmas, you're just helping her find the right one. Surely she'd be happier you get the one that's right for you and you're not disappointed?

If he isn't happy with what he gets, maybe he should start making hints? wink

ILoveMillhousesDad Sat 21-Oct-17 19:02:05

Not a CF at all. I think when people buy gifts, they would prefer to get the receiver something they know will be of use. Well I do anyway.

Just how joyful does your dh think it is perusing slow cookers grin

niknac1 Sat 21-Oct-17 19:03:01

I think you made it easier for your mum and expect she’d appreciate that and want you to be happy.

CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate Sat 21-Oct-17 19:03:02

Apple I think your right, MIL doesn't even agree with Christmas lists, and won't take any suggestions even for DDs presents. Whereas my mum much prefers to know what we want or in DDs case what she's into so she can get presents she knows we'll like and enjoy.

FenceSitter01 Sat 21-Oct-17 19:04:50

Only you know your relationship with your DM. Any normal person with a normal functioning communicative parent/child relationship would rather purchase something someone wanted.

I apologise in advance for coming across as mardy but your DH needs to understand how grown ups do things grin

Nocabbageinmyeye Sat 21-Oct-17 19:04:51

The joy of picking someone else's slow cooker colour confused

Nope you are not a cf, I would do this with my mam and she would be delighted

StaySexyDontGetMurdered Sat 21-Oct-17 19:05:17

Not cheeky at all imo. What does your mum think?
I have a few relatives that like to give a specific list and ask what specific items I would like. I find it easier too so am not too bothered.

Maelstrop Sat 21-Oct-17 19:05:24

I'd far rather buy something wanted by someone than risk buying shite they hate and thereby waste my money. YANBU, imo.

GeekyWombat Sat 21-Oct-17 19:05:47

I don’t think this is cheeky, but then my mum takes great joy out of buying me the sort of stuff I’d love to get myself but can’t justify to spend the money on. I literally got an email from her last night confirming the colour of a purse I’ve fallen in love with. I’ll probably get a couple of little bits (slipper socks, Toffiffee maybe) from her too but she loves to know she’s got me something I really want.

thatdearoctopus Sat 21-Oct-17 19:06:25

Maybe she's just trying to put some element of surprise into it?

But YABU to ask for a kitchen appliance as a Christmas gift. If it's a household need, why isn't it coming out of general house funds? Isn't that a bit like her buying one of you a spare tyre for the car?

CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate Sat 21-Oct-17 19:06:59

Inappropriate DH has loads of things he wants, so I've chosen a couple of things in budget, if he asks I'll tell him.

MIL ignores hints, lists and suggestions, she buys what she thinks he/DD will like. With DD it's not a problem as she's only 2 so doesn't really care but DH gets fed up of a book and a DVD every year as MIL never spends more then £15 on him.

MistyMinge Sat 21-Oct-17 19:07:22

You're not a cheeky Fucker. My parents and inlaws always ask what we want, they'd much rather get us something we want and need.

CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate Sat 21-Oct-17 19:09:37

that We have a slow cooker already that I picked up in a charity shop some time ago, I can't justify a new one when the current one is just about meeting our needs so my mums buying it for me. Plus I don't want anything else - I don't really like receiving gifts - love giving though so might as well get it.

thatdearoctopus Sat 21-Oct-17 19:10:10

What I've done for dh in the past, (as he likes to give me things that he knows I'll like rather than wasting money on the "wrong" thing), is to take pictures on my phone of things I've seen in shops that I like, e.g. a certain type of wallet/scarf/handbag/bracelet. I then send them to him and probably forget what I've sent, so Christmas/birthday mornings are always full of nice surprises.

BenLui Sat 21-Oct-17 19:10:55

I don’t think that’s cheeky at all!

My Mum (and MIL) would be happy to buy me something I really wanted and wouldn’t mind about the specific colour. You picked something under budget - how is that cheeky?

MissConductUS Sat 21-Oct-17 19:11:03

I don't think you're a CF at all. We give each other exact lists, with links to Amazon greatly appreciated. It eliminates a lot of disappointment.

Before you settle on a slow cooker, have a look at the Instant Pot. It's a slow cooker, with timer and delay settings and a pressure cooker, among other uses:

Instant Pot

I get a lot more use out of it than I ever did my slow cooker.

wheresthel1ght Sat 21-Oct-17 19:11:13

Your husband is being a twat. Far better that people who choose to buy gifts buy something that you actually want/need than a bunch of tat that will sit in a cupboard until it is safe to get rid of it!

My mum always asks what I want and more often than not will give me cash so I cam get what I like when I like it. Most years it goes into the "family treat" fund and we have some nice days or meals out. This year it was pooled and my birthday money added to it and bought us a tent so we could take the kids on holidays.

CurlyWurlyHairCoveredChocolate Sat 21-Oct-17 19:11:27

I buy my own present and DH wraps it as otherwise he'd leave it until he finishes work on Christmas Eve to buy that and he generally finishes at about 7pm on CE so no time really grin

thatdearoctopus Sat 21-Oct-17 19:12:45

My point still stands. And why is she buying it for you, as your gift, rather than your dh? He gets a gift (even if he doesn't particularly want another CD) and you get a functional item for the kitchen?

Marmite27 Sat 21-Oct-17 19:12:59

Nothing CF about that. Both my MIL and DM love a wish list.

MIL wants to get DD an item to add to her collection of Christmas ornaments they both collect and wanted me to send her details of ones we don’t have so she can pick one.

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