Aibu to not invite them?(101 Posts)
This is my first post!
So to add some context to my dilemma, here's a quickish overview.
I had been engaged for a few years and wedding had been put off for a number of reasons, redundancy, landlord selling up (quick move meant raiding the wedding pot) and very close family members ill health.
Early last year we found out that DH bonus holiday (in some industries this is quite common, apparently) was close to a popular wedding destination abroad. DH and I said if he was awarded it we would get married there. All close friends and family members were aware and supported us eloping, I literally banged on about wanting DH to win this holiday for months. During this time a friend of ours got engaged and asked me and our close circle to be a bridesmaids. I was so happy to be asked.
DH wins holiday and we share our firm plans (where, when etc)with family and close friends. So, this is where things take a bit of a turn. Close friends of mine and soon to be married friend start messaging me separately, 'i honestly can't believe you would even think about getting married before *' 'i find your sudden need to get married very strange' 'what would you do if I wasn't happy with this?' etc etc. The bitching went on for a few months, friends hen do was awkward to say the least. Even on my wedding day and the friends wedding day I had bitchy comments thrown towards me. No hen do for me, they couldn't even meet me for a drink as they were all busy with life admin and other bs reasons. I was flexible on the day, time etc. Some couldn't even say congratulations, instead sending 'sorry wrong group' type messages. After both weddings I was told from other mutual friends that they referred to me as the 'fat bride' and stated I was only getting married because she was. It was all very bitter and childish.
I distanced myself from them and then receive abusive messages from the main instigator and other bride about how my actions had hurt them all and how selfish I was. How we were wrong to share that we got married with other people. I cut off contact with them all at this point.
Anyway, next year we are having a bit of a vow renewal party.
One of the women asked me to meet her for lunch recently. I met her as I felt she was more of a bystander in it all. During lunch she apologies for her part and burying her head in the sand and asked me if she was invited to next years party. I was quite taken back to be honest, I said yes as I felt a bit cornered.
DH says I should invite them all and be the bigger person, put it all behind me. Honestly I don't want to see any of them at this party. Seeing them would bring back all those horrible feelings and memories for me.
Not so quickish!
There is no way I would invite them. They behaved terribly!!
OP so sorry to hear this.
They've treated you appallingly - please don't feel obliged to invite them. YANBU at all to think about not inviting them - I think it definitely makes sense not to!! They've been quite nasty and spiteful, so I think you're absolutely within your rights to not invite them, especially if, as you say, having them at the vow renewal party would remind you of the upset they caused you.
They sound horrible. I wouldnt be inviting any of them to the party. I hope you have lots of other friends and family to enjoy your soecial day with. Does the friend in question know the detaild of the party? If not just dont aend her an invite but if she does you will now have to let her know she isn't invited. You shouldnt have anyone there who your dH doesnt want so that would be enough of a reason for me.
They sound really horrible, why put your self through all that again?
Enjoy your renewal party with people that actually love and like you.
Sorry i thought DH didnt want them. I just read that he does! I stick wuth not inviting them though. They are not real friends.
These "friends" were horrible and utterly ridiculous. Find new friends and don't look back.
Don't invite these people. Message the one you met saying you'd like to stay on cordial terms but the party is just for people you celebrated with at the time or who've come into your life since. That is your decision to make.
They sound awful! Self absorbed and vile. No I wouldn't invite them anywhere or put it behind me they sound awful.
Invite them all stating the party is in fact fancy dress - (insert embarrassing category)
When it isn't.
Thank you. It was probably the worst and the best time of my life. DH and I are not the type of people who enjoy being the centre of attention the whole issue seemed to be around use attempting to steal their thunder! We were 1000s of miles away and weeks before them.The OB (other bride) even asked mutual friends to not congratulate us on her day if it was the first time they had seen us. It was all a bit silly as there were a few nearly wed couples there and we all enjoyed chatting about the wedding and our own days.
They sound like bitches and I would avoid at all costs! At least the one friend reached out to you and apologised, the others haven't made that effort to rectify the situation. I wouldn't even acknowledge them.
So a whole bunch of people are being vile because you chose to get married before someone else, in a different country.
On what planet does shit like this happen.
Fuck the lot of them OP
I can't believe one asked if she would be invited! She may have only been a bystander but she's guilty by association and not standing up for you. It's also manners! I wouldn't even ask a close friend if I was invited to something they were organising . You wait to be asked.
This is completely ridiculous! I can (just about) understand the other woman who was getting married having a strop about you stealing her thunder, but I'd expect everyone else to either tell her to get over herself, or just stay out of it. I don't think you owe them anything, and I think you're better off without them in your lives.
They sound deranged (or something from a bad YA novel). Just ignore them and move on. and of course don't invite them to the vow renewal thing. They'll probably slate it anyway.
What? They behaved like this because you booked your wedding before someone else? That doesn't even make any sense! Make sure these toxic people are not in your lives any more.
Life is too short for shit friends.
Don't invite shitness back in your life, be the better person and actually move on!
Having a cunt for a friend means you're similar, and it seems you're not so tell them to fuck off
and tbh dh should get a grip, bigger person doesn't mean opening doors to fuckers like this
What horrid people. I don’t understand why they were so awful?
Just invite your close loved ones to the party. They clearly aren’t on the list and if they ask you need to tell them it’s a very small celebration and regrettably you can’t sqeeze them in. I think it would be ok to be the bigger person if they had all apologised individually and been nice to you for these last few months. Look to the future and true loved ones, these people are not real friends are part of the past.
You don't like being the centre of attention, but you're having a vow renewal party just a couple of years after getting married? Has something happened? I'm wondering because I think the apologising woman's behaviour is potentially a bit odd. She invites you out to apologise and at the same meeting angles for an invite to your party, it just seems a bit focused on an end goal. It could be she's just embarrassed about her behaviour and having heard about the party thinks it's a good time to apologise and congratulate you properly etc. But could it have been that she has an agenda to get into your good books and report back to the rest of the group on what's happened? That sounds like ridiculous, immature teenage behaviour, but they seemed to manage that over the wedding so is it beyond them now?
Personally I wouldn’t invite them. You tried to salvage the relationship, were gracious and through their own ignorance, stupidity and bitchiness, it failed. To have acted so disgustingly, they are no friends of yours. I could have understood a hissy fit, a moment of jealousy. But not this. A sustained attack with groups pitching themselves against you. No. Have some respect for yourself. You will find new friends.
We only told our families and close friends. There was no stealing thunder from our part. In fact they told more mutual friends of ours than we did during their bitching.
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